[GaSusan]

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder, major depression and agoraphobia, a little over a year ago doctors added diabetes and hypertension. I live alone and have no income, a judge stopped my SS benefits when i didnt return forms by a deadline and my drs appointments became erratic. Ive been trying ever since to get them back, going on five years. Im 46, divorced and cant work. My children no longer live with me, which is probably good for them. Ive had to start going back to the public mental health clinic and have tried every anti depressant you can think of. I am what is termed "substance sensitive." The side effects are crazy...i took paxil and ativan for years a long time ago, the paxil made me gain weight and then finally stopped working. I stopped trying anti depressants 6 months ago and the mental health clinic will not prescribe the medications that help, it is their policy not to prescribe benzos at all for any reason. Ive been in a hospital psych ward five times in the past 2 years, had never been before. So i stay at home all day every day and do nothing, ive asked for help numerous times but there is none, not the kind i need. I have always been the optimistic one....each day is a blessing but its getting harder and harder and with my health getting worse im afraid i wont make it to 50. Ive had people tell me you are so strong and so brave....but im not and im tired. I cant even go to church anymore. They tell me because im not an addict i cant get long term help...thats actually kind of funny when i think that ive worked hard all my life NOT to be an addict in a family full of substance abusers. I hate sounding so pathetic but sometimes like everyone else i have to vent and the "normal" people just dont have a clue. Im a fairly intelligent woman who has to beg and borrow for most everything and sometimes do without basic needs and even though im thankful for everything i have its humiliating and degrading and noone, especially in our society should have to live like this because we have an illness that cant be seen.

[hvert]

I hope things turn around for you soon and that you can get an income again.

[Fuzzybear]

You don't sound pathetic at all to me ... Depression and the other things many of us here suffer are not for "cissies". I send you love

[Curupira]

Sending lots of love your way.

[GaSusan]

thank yall, for a long time i never knew people who suffered with mental illness as i did and as crazy as it sounds we are a very caring, supportive bunch of people.