[IchbinkeinTeufel]

This feels like an entirely asinine post to type out, because I've struggled with depression for so many years (perhaps since I was a mid-teen) but maybe that's the problem; I don't know much about depression, really, ... I mean, I know more about anxiety and OCD, than I do depression. I've focused so much on other problems I have, but I could do with some understanding regarding depression; it just feels so weird asking for that sort of help, when I really should know the score, by now.

So, seriously, I'm asking, how am I supposed to know I still have depression?

The italic text is entirely skippable:

Here's some tidbits:

1. I have a history of suicidal tendencies, 1 or 2 stages of planning, and 1 very lame, drunk attempt. These stages in my life were something like 4 years ago, I think.

2. Also about four years ago, I used to self-harm, and that went on for at least 5 years.

3. I frequently get very scared, depressed, and anxious over "death", including those around me, such as my dad.

4. I don't like myself - I very likely hate myself. There are some aspects about myself that are "OK", maybe even "good", but that doesn't change my overall distaste about myself.

5. I struggle to take care of myself, as I have done for a long time. I find it much easier to do so, when it's for other people, such as if I weren't single, I would find motive to take care of myself, or if I were to go out.

6. While it is directly linked to my OCD/anxiety, I don't go out much at all. In-fact, I've not been out in almost 2 weeks, if not more. Now that I don't have therapy, I likely won't be going out for many more weeks. :|

7. I keep to myself, and I struggle to get "close" to people. Getting "close" to a woman, scares me, so I tend to avoid doing so. When I say "close", I mean developing actual feelings for the woman; if I were to start developing any sort of feelings, it usually results in me bolting in the opposite direction. I wasn't always like this, but I have been over the past 3-4 years; it just gradually become harder to brush off.

8. I struggle to become emotional over something real and serious (leaking from the eyes, basically) but when it comes to a movie that hits a nerve (something I'm already sensitive about) I find it much easier to leak, but whenever that does happen, I instinctively lock back up, and stop myself; almost as if I were to loosen a tap, but the moment a drop or two came out, I tighten up that tap.

I can't think of anything else, at the moment, but if you can think of any other possible signs of depression, that'll help.

Even though a large part of me can't help but to ignore the above stuff and thinks "Of course I have depression; the proof is there!" I still find myself second-guessing myself; it's probably my OCD doing that.

Thanks.

Does it matter that much? I mean I suppose it might if it is your OCD talking but would it change your treatment? I don't know much about OCD or anxiety but wouldn't there be common symptoms? Is this added worry?

I don't know the answers to those questions. I'm really asking as things to consider.

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Well, if you want a professional diagnosis I would check with a doctor but here is the WebMD for now: Signs of Clinical Depression: Symptoms to Watch For

For me I guess it would have to depend on the duration of each particular symptom. A lot of the time though symptoms for depression and anxiety and OCD overlap (like Michanne said) so it would probably be better if you checked with a professional.

Best of luck!