Does this mean the meds are working?

I can pretty much eat now without stress, and I used to have panic attacks and/or throw up at every meal. But sometimes I still can't be bothered to eat. I have a lot fewer days where everything hurts and I can't feel too exhausted to do anything but I still don't really want to do anything and would rather stay in bed. I don't hate my body so much, but I don't really care about it either. I can sleep a little bit better. I don't feel the urgent need to self-harm or plan suicide to get out of the pain but I don't really care about life or enjoy anything either. I feel a lot more tolerant yet when I do the questionnaire thing at therapy my depression score seems very high (though the anxiety score has gone right down, which matches my experience). Is it just that I have to force myself through this while the pain is less until I eventually start enjoying things and seeing the point? Or are the meds just not right for me? Or is it just my personality? Am I just unappreciative? Is this how normal people feel?

It could be a sign of the meds working, or it could be you've moved into different phase of your illness. Either way there are some changes that have maybe made things a little easier for you.

Meds work at different speeds and on different symptoms for everyone. My meds increase my emotional numbness to the point of almost total indifference but that means that I'm not wasting energy on harmful behaviours. On the plus side that means I eventually have a bit more energy to use on taking care of myself, on the downside it means that I become more withdrawn and anti-social. It sounds like maybe you're responding to your meds in a similar sort of way.

Meds can be notoriously slow to act, that's not always a bad thing, it gives you time to re-adjust to the world. One of the worst times I've ever had was getting better too quickly, as the change disappeared just as suddenly as it had arrived. It felt such a cruel punishment to have been robbed of my beautiful mood.

You're not being unappreciative at all, that is depression raising its ugly head and underming your confidence. There's no such thing as normal, everyone of us is unique, but to me your recovery sounds fairly typical. The thing that docs don't really explain is just how hard, slow and painful recovery can be, unfortunately for far too many of us it will be two steps foward and one and a half back. Try to concentrate on how far you've come not how far you have to go.

Best wishes

I second what TheOriginalMe has said. At times it seems my meds, far from alleviating the depression, simply make me not care I'm depressed.

In my opinion, recovery is a subjective endurance test. There is no such thing as "normal," and if you focus on what works for others, you will not find what will work for YOU. Whether it is your meds, personality, mindset, or your treatment... if you consider it an improvement, then it is.

From what you have written... it IS an improvement, but an uncomplete process, so far. Your healthcare still needs further expansion/exploration. Tweaking your meds could help, but don't forget to look at the picture in its whole. (Don't lose the forest through the trees).

Medication can help, but rarely works on its own. I have found that recovery is a unique (specific to the individual) receipe of medication, therapy, exercise and thought process directly toward a healthy lifestyle. Hardly any part of this process is fun or enjoyable, but is in fact, a necessary evil. "Right as rain" type of thing.

Give yourself a pat on the back that you have gotten this far, because you do deserve it! You have earned it. Keep at it... and you will find a "normal" that you can be happy with one day. I think the hardest part for me was getting started. So at least, you have that out of the way. Endurance and positivity!! Good luck honey

within about 12 hours of missing my dose i feel like i have horrible flu and i can't stop crying. I keep forgetting them lately so I've been like this almost every other day. idk whether that goes to show how they help when i do take them or whether they're just not worth the hassle :/

What meds are you taking?Don't miss doses!!! I know it is easy when we start feeling a little better to stop taking them or miss doses. Missing doses can really screw you up.

I agree with others meds are only part of the solution. It sounds like they have definitely helped you. Maybe the meds can get you into a better place where you can start doing other things that will help.

I just switched from Effexor to Fetzima two weeks ago. I am slowly starting to feel better. In fact I am supposed to travel to my brothers today for a family get together. In the past 5 months I have not gone to anything like that. I have barely left the house. I don't really want to go but I think I feel good enough that I can force myself to go and hopefully being around family will help me feel even better. Sometimes when I was on the upswing and I forced myself to get out around people it snapped me the rest of the way out.

I'm just very forgetful haha. I know i shouldn't really but with my last medication I'd have to be on quite a high dose an skip for about 3 days before I'd notice the head-spinnyness and flu-ish ness. I'm on venlalic 225mg (which i think is the British name for effexor).

Venlafaxine that is the one that will mess you up the most. Put up a sign on your mirror.

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Never look in the mirror...maybe the fridge? :L