I don't know what to do to cope

I don't know what to do to cope. I find myself almost always alone. I know I have some friends, not many that I am very close too. I often experience a detachment with others, in other words no real valued connection as I appear to not be concerned with their well-being enough to make an effort to stay in contact. Sometimes, I am severely depressed or in an emotionless day dream state. In some cases when I have been around friends, especially old time friends, I've felt suddenly out of place like I have lost my conversational skills. There are times when I have been elated to be in the presence of friends, however as soon as I am alone again the depression sets in multiplying. I do not have a healthy balance of companionship I am mostly introverted. I feel alone experiencing a deep desire to socialize, but I am too timid and lack the energy.
Working long hours help me cope in the past but it is losing it's usefulness.
Other than work I probably socialize well with a friend someone once every month or two months. I used to like being alone. I feel helpless and pathetic.

That sounds a lot like my depression. Even positive interactions can leave me feeling drained and low. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

The only thing that has helped me is to schedule my social interactions. That way I have enough time to gather energy.

Hope this helps

As an introvert, your natural need for and toleration of socializing may be on the lower end of the spectrum, but the whole picture is complicated by depression. The lack of energy associated with depression combined with timidity - both your natural timidity and that enhanced by a mood disorder - make it especially difficult to socialize at a level you desire.

You may need active help to address the problem. Toneo, do you have access to resources in your community?

I struggle with the same things. I'm glad that you can still be sociable at work. I know it doesn't seem like much, but I would consider it a "win."

About your friends... Do they know that you are struggling with depression? Would you be comfortable sharing with, at least, your closest friends?

While it might not solve all of your issues with them, I have found that divulging my problems helps people understand. In the past, once I've explained that it wasn't a line... it really is me and not them (the people that are worth my time) stick around. I would explain that I really do care and miss them, but I'm really not up to our usual outings ...or even reacting as I normally would (I tend to have a very bleak/flat affect, having trouble expressing myself). After I explain this, they tend to be supportive by suggesting more low key outings, or even, spending evenings in. It isn't easy being my friend, but the people I let closest to me tend to see the value in me long-term.

When I posed a similar question on this forum (asking how to break out of my shell), I got very helpful suggestions like:

-volunteering at an animal shelter or the library
-meetup.com (a site to help find people with similar interests that are local to you)
-part-time work
-joining or starting a book club (I'm kind of a book worm)
-Yoga class

I hope I have been helpful Feel free to PM or keep venting here on PC. It's helpful to me to hear from people with similar plights.

I have the same issues. I’m very much an introvert, but with depression, I feel like I have completely loss any social skills. At work, I have to have forced interactions with my coworkers. Plus I really dislike my job, which makes it harder. At times, interacting with coworkers, feels like a job within a job. I live 500 miles away from my family (just my mom). And I don’t have any close friends where I currently live. There are times when I wish I had friends to hang out with. But, when I do try to be social, I can’t wait to get back home be alone.

You just described me almost perfectly.. I usually feel no connection or attachment to anybody, my family included. The few I want to feel connected to, no matter what is being done or said, I still feel sad and alone.

Hi Wildflower. I understand your situation. It sounds very similar to mine. I am 3000 miles away from any close family members and have not made any friends where I currently live. I moved for a job relocation but as depression sets in I also find it very hard to socialize. I am also an introvert and was shy as a kid. Although I thought I had grown out of the shyness, it seems like it has returned with this latest bout with depression. I avoid talking at work as much as I can.

At home I feel more social but only when my depression isn't bad.

I think the best thing for me when I am depressed is to socialize because it does make me feel better but when I am depressed the last thing I want to do is socialize so it's a constant battle but it can be won.

Wow, all of the above! You all are describing me and my life. I live in a rural area, and have ONE good friend. She works though, and I don't, so we only see each other when she has time off. I don't have a vehicle, so I sit here in my house all alone all day long. Even if I had a car, I don't know that I'd have the energy or the 'want' to get out and do something. I've thought about volunteering at an animal shelter, but without transportation it is a difficult thing to do. Glad to know I'm not alone, but I wish there was an answer for the depression and loneliness we are all feeling. *sigh*

In past years, I was social when I went home to visit, but now when I go home I just sit around my mother's house. I don't even tell my friends I'm going to be in town. I don't know if it's my depression or lifestyle differences (my friends have boyfriends/husbands and families) but I really don't want to see anybody when I visit. It feels like my friends, think I should be living some glamorous life, because I'm single with no kids and no real responsibilities.

Somedays, I don't know how I cope at all. I spend every day inside all alone. It can be difficult, and despite all of my efforts to increase my social contacts, I have been unable to make any friends. Social isolation, for me, is one of the worst causes of my depression. I'm lonely and sad most days, with this "black cloud" hanging over me that just will not go away. My life has to change, and I am trying to find outlets to increase my presence in the world. I can't continue to live this way any longer, it really is Hell. My medications don't appear to be working, and I don't seem to have many bright days at all.

Thanks, for the support.

I struggle with socializing also. I feel friendless and live in a rural community. I could go to the bar and meet up with people, but I don't drink and don't have fun doing that. So I am not sure how to get out and meet people and if I did know, my anxiety would probably prevent me from doing it. But I think I could manage my depression a bit better if I had a balance. I'm very introverted so socializing shouldn't be a big part of my life, but even depressed introverts need friends, I've come to learn.

Man, it's so weird to hear so many people experiencing the same things and feeling the same way. I texted an old friend yesterday and we got lunch today. She told me she thought she had done something because she hadn't heard from me in so long. I feel so drained but she is wonderful and not judgmental and just let me be. I just went on facebook and messaged some old friends. I told them I was having a hard time and wasn't ready to meet up right now, but told them one thing I valued about them. It made me feel a little better, but it was hard. But each time I get a response it's like a lifeline.

Reaching that way on FB seems like a really thoughtful idea. Thanks for sharing that.

I started this thread several month ago. I tend not to visit this site to often as I get impatient and disinterested and lose focus.I am wondering what to do I struggle with daily tasks other than getting to work. I procrastinate a lot I don't know why? I feel is because I am drained of energy and motivation. My place is a mess and I struggle to keep it tidy I mean basic cleanliness. Long ago (1 year almost) I was almost evicted from my apartment (I live elsewhere now) for not maintaining the standard cleanliness during an inspection.
I tried to rush to clean get motivated but I just didn't care. I find I don't care about things when I should things I used to be concerned about. My health my well being I neglect. I have lists of many projects and activities and goals but when I want to do them I just can't , I stop having desire. If I try it's like forcing ones self to go on despite the inevitable despair. I will just become sidetrack and withdrawn.

So sorry you are feeling so lonely and sad. It is something I have faced as well. I tend to think a lot of thoughts like "I should do such and such" like reach out to people, but that's kind of a nagging way of talking to myself so it never works, just makes me feel more like a failure.

I am doing better this week and am able to do more things to cope, like some walking and I made a lunch date with a friend for next weekend. I remembered someone once told me to make myself do a couple things even if I didn't feel like it and it would help me get a little more momentum going.

Honestly though I think the main reason I am feeling better is I have been on an increased dose of Wellbutrin for the last 3 weeks. I feel that way because after about a week of getting gradually better, I thought I was having side effects so I stepped the dose back down - and slid right into depression again. So I once again took the recommended dose and I am not experiencing side effects as I thought I was, I just found out my thyroid level is a little high so that was causing me some physical symptoms.

Freakishly complicated dealing with all of this. I take a lot of medication. It does seem to help though so I am thankful for that.

I hope you find a way to get better, just take care of yourself and don't be defined by the illness, you are more than just depression, you are a valuable and necessary person.