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#1
Mar 19, 2014, 03:32 AM
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Since the age of 6 I couldn't help but feel helpless. My mom never made me food, never washed my clothes, and never bought me clothes that actually fit. I then realised as I saw my life going in a down spiral of ********. I had to take care of myself, my brother and sister. Even though my sister is 2 years older than me, I had to play mommy for both of them. So, I never really had a childhood. Even though my parents thought I didn't understand anything that was going on at the time, I understood everything. The fact that we lost our house, My uncle being a psychotic ****er that tried to shoot me with a shot gun. I didn't understand why he wanted to hurt me at the time but, I just shook that off. My dad soon then lost his job, then we started only getting enough money through the state to only pay for our rent and nothing else. Through out my entire childhood my many different rooms remained packed away because my parents would tell me that we we're going to move almost every month. After a whyle I gave up hope. When I met Desi and her kids I started going over to her house for a whyle always watching her kids. After a few weeks of being over there she took me with her to see Bill(her husbands) son who was living with their mom Tree. That's when I met the love of my life... Michael. Red headed, Tall, Attractive, Shy, and playing Monopoly. Right then I fell in love, I just knew. Then I just had to be buisy on a day that he was there and they wanted me to babysit, so my mom said to let my older sister go over and babysit. That was where I made my mistake. She took over like I had a feeling she would. I still continued to go over there for about a month after she took him from me trying to even catch his attention for even a split second. It literally broke me every time I saw her kiss him. The worst part is that she knew what she was doing to me the whole time. Then one night while I was babysitting I just put the kids to bed and I was about to go to bed myself but I heard the front door open and someone walk in. When I walked into the hallway Edward, Desi's brother was staggering twards me and he grabbed me. Throwing me back into the room an when I opened my eyes again he was over me with his shirt tight over my mouth, and he raped me. That's when I stopped going over there, stopped trying to get Michael's attention I stopped everything.
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~Sunshine~ Last edited by sabby; Mar 19, 2014 at 11:33 AM. Reason: administrative edit to remove full name |
 Anonymous33470, mulan, paynful, Stronger
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#2
Mar 19, 2014, 11:46 AM
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 I'm so sorry that all this happened. I'm here for you. I was raped too. And it has controlled my life ever since. When you say that you're done, please know that it doesn't have to be the end.  You can pm me anytime you need. I'm here for you.
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Yes. Jesus is the reason I am still alive today. Diagnoses: MDD, BPD, PTSD, OCD, AN-BP (I don't define myself by my personal alphabet up there, but I put it there so that maybe somebody won't feel so alone  )
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| MikesGirl420
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 MikesGirl420
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#3
Mar 19, 2014, 04:34 PM
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Hello & Welcome, MikesGirl420.
I'm so sorry... Plenty of fuel for depression there... Please, make yourself at home. For reference: Post-traumatic Stress, Survivors of Abuse
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| MikesGirl420
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| MikesGirl420
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#4
Mar 20, 2014, 01:55 AM
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Quote:
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~Sunshine~ |
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#5
Mar 20, 2014, 07:44 AM
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Welcome to PC. Keep posting here.
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The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
| MikesGirl420
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| MikesGirl420
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#6
Mar 20, 2014, 10:00 AM
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Glad you found PC. It really helps to talk about it. I was raped when i was 17 by someone I knew. I have since processed this and became able to forgive myself and my rapist. It didn't come easy believe me but my life is more peaceful since I put that behind me. Of course, I didn't report it, so worry about others he may have hurt but before I thought of that I lost track of him. Hang in there.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
| MikesGirl420, paynful
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| MikesGirl420
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