Does anyone else in a severe depression feel like their illness paralyzes them - - functionally, not literally? I have discovered that no matter what activities I try it doesn't improve the depression, so I just have no incentive to even try anymore to do anything but the bare minimum required.

I don't know if my concept will make sense to anyone . . .

[octoberpumpkin]

Yes. I sadly have had this happen with work. I will get a job and go in and it will set me in such a panic that I just... can't. I just can't do it. Usually I don't even make it to work. Sometimes I still push myself and its so awful I have a panic attack and can't breathe and I start to black out and I scream and cry.

Sometimes its something simple, like going out to dinner with a friend of my boyfriends. Something will just happen and it suddenly feels like the worst thing in the world and I just can't do it. Literally like I am paralyzed, I cannot for the life of me do it. I'm not sure what causes it or how to fix it.

I'm sorry you feel this way. If I ever find a way to cope, I'll be sure to tell you. Unfortunately, I don't have a solution right now

[regretful]

Makes sense to me, perfectly. I was in a therapy session yesterday. The psychologist asked me what I could do in the next two weeks that was enjoyable for me. Though I could "think" of things to do, I was not able to picture myself doing any of those things - even in my imagination. Every aspect of depression is horrible.

Originally Posted by regretful

Makes sense to me, perfectly. I was in a therapy session yesterday. The psychologist asked me what I could do in the next two weeks that was enjoyable for me. Though I could "think" of things to do, I was not able to picture myself doing any of those things - even in my imagination. Every aspect of depression is horrible.

Yes, I can think of a lot of things to do, e.g., all the stuff I put in my recovery plan from when I was inpatient, but I don't try them because I know from past recent experience that they just don't change the way I feel and only serve to fill time. I'm still depressed no matter what activity I'm engaged in. It feels good that someone can relate (not that I'm glad you experience what you do).

[regretful]

Safety in numbers. I tried to explain this to the psychologist yesterday. I got the feeling that he had no concept of what I was saying. Depression...is...horrible.

[Viuam]

Well of course! I was in the US recently visiting relatives, and usually I have a list of things that I want to see and eat and buy. Little things, like a cherry dipped ice cream at Dairy Queen, which to most people is super gross but for me it's a slice of my childhood and it makes me happy. This time it was just..... nothing. I enjoyed nothing, I just went along with everyone like a zombie. I couldn't even enjoy my niece in a positive way, because every time she laughed I was reminded that I can never have something like that in my life and I just wanted to cry. So yes, you make sense and you aren't the only one who feels like a robot.

Originally Posted by Viuam

Well of course! I was in the US recently visiting relatives, and usually I have a list of things that I want to see and eat and buy. Little things, like a cherry dipped ice cream at Dairy Queen, which to most people is super gross but for me it's a slice of my childhood and it makes me happy. This time it was just..... nothing. I enjoyed nothing, I just went along with everyone like a zombie. I couldn't even enjoy my niece in a positive way, because every time she laughed I was reminded that I can never have something like that in my life and I just wanted to cry. So yes, you make sense and you aren't the only one who feels like a robot.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time enjoying things too. Robotic is a good way to put it.

[yumi]

Oh, yes.... I experience this a lot. When it gets really bad, those are the days even brushing my teeth is a major challenge. It terrifies me to go to that place.

[Altered Moment]

You describe it perfectly. When I am in a severe depression I am functionally paralyzed. It is not that I do things and don't enjoy them it is that I can't do them at all. Showering and brushing teeth is a monumental task.

I have always hated the type of therapy where I had to write down a list of daily activities I wanted to do ideally. Then try to do each one each day. And the therapist would hold me accountable. Even by emailing me inbetween sessions. I wanted to scream....I am in a severe depression and I can't do those things and even when I do they don't help.

I don't think that type of therapy is good for me. I just feel that much more ashamed when I don't do the things.

[Nammu]

I've been beating myself up because I have zero ability to do the things that need to get done. So yeah! I understand this completely. I like that phrase functionally paralyzed. Thanks for this thread every posting here makes me feel less alone, thanks.

[Fuzzybear]

not so much frozen as less than ZERO energy. Can barely even lay around, do not bother eating half the time (or binge). But sleep - go to work - back to sleep. NOTHING else.

[Viuam]

Originally Posted by newgal2

I'm sorry you've had a hard time enjoying things too. Robotic is a good way to put it.

Yeah, I'm not the only one though so at least there are people in this world who get it. The worst part is the crying, it doesn't matter who is around, when it hits I have to mentally beat it back in until I'm alone. It's so awkward because it pretty obvious to everyone when your eyes are watering and your face gets red. Anyway, the only time i feel alright, not great but calm at least, is when i am sitting outside in the sun. I dont know why, but the warmth makes me feel better. Must be some sort of fetal memory or something.

Yes....the things suggested to "improve" depression are impossible to do. And even if I could do them, they would just become chores.
Eating is a chore.
Going out is a chore.
Exercising is a chore.

"Pleasurable" things now have a negative connotation. And I wonder why professionals haven't figured out that this kind of association is not good therapy.

[MagicsMom]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

You describe it perfectly. When I am in a severe depression I am functionally paralyzed. It is not that I do things and don't enjoy them it is that I can't do them at all. Showering and brushing teeth is a monumental task.

I have always hated the type of therapy where I had to write down a list of daily activities I wanted to do ideally. Then try to do each one each day. And the therapist would hold me accountable. Even by emailing me inbetween sessions. I wanted to scream....I am in a severe depression and I can't do those things and even when I do they don't help.

I don't think that type of therapy is good for me. I just feel that much more ashamed when I don't do the things.

OMG! It makes me feel so much less like I'm worthless! I almost laughed when the IOP leader gave us a daily activity sheet! Are you kidding me! They're lucky I was even able to get there! Thank you all for this post! Truly needed it today.