[broadwaylove]

I've been through so much and nobody cares. I've been pushed, called names, and no one cares. My mother swore at me and told me to go die in a hole and my sister told me, "i HATE you.I wish you would get depressed and go kill yourself." They don't understand...and also, depression is worse than you think it is.it eats you from the inside out, telling you your worthless, fat, and to go kill yourself. I just wish i could be normal. :'c

[Sam2]

What is "normal"? There are more people in this country that have problems than not. We just don't see them. (that was not meant to be sarcastic).

You are correct, depression does eat you from the inside out. If there is no one to talk to, it just builds. All you can do is try to through the day.

In my early twenties, I had several suicide attempts. I remember very clearly being driven home from the ER after one attempt by my parents. My mother told me that she hated me, hated my dog and if I did this again to my little brother, (apparently it effected him quite a bit), she would kill me.

Depression is complicated and messy. sometimes the people we love or that love us get frustrated and angry, not so much at us, but because they can't do anything to help. Their anger boils over and they say things they ordinarily would never say. If the depression goes on long enough, the comments start.
"Just snap out of it", "If you feel that bad, why don't you just go get help". Those are just two of the many comments we get. Our friends leave, both because they don't want to hang around with someone who is always down and because they don't know what to do. That is when you find out who your real friends are. They don't leave.

Depression is a little like war. To fully understand it, you have to have been there. Talking to people about it who have never experienced long term clinical depression is frustrating because they don't seem to understand that you can't just "snap out of it". I think that is why so many of us turn to forums. It makes us feel less like freaks and shows us that we aren't alone.

On the parental issue, my parents didn't know I was depressed until I attempted suicide. i'd already been depressed for many years. Once they found out, they wanted to help, but that just made me angry because it was too late. One night, my father came in my room and tried to give me a hug. I threw him through the wall. Literally. We have a good relationship now, but at the time I just couldn't understand how they could be so oblivious to my pain for so long and then think they could just turn the clock back.

I'm glad you came to the forum. No one here will judge you or blow you off.

sam2

[Altered Moment]

Believe me here we understand how bad depression is. Welcome to PC.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Pierro]

We care here. We know how depression can affect the family as a whole. You feel on your own, depression does that and most people dont know what depression is like. When our families dont know how to help they become angry. They feel helpless I guess. Keep posting.

[broadwaylove]

Thank you all so much. I was starting to think i was the only one without families that don't understand. You all have been so supportive.

[serena111]

Like everyone else has said, make sure you build outside support networks for yourself! Also, have you tried doing family counseling? I don't know what your living situation is with your family, or how much you rely on them, but it could help.

[bronzeowl]

You're not alone in this. I know sometimes it might feel like you are. I get that. Depression does that. I get that, and have been there. I won't say I get it completely, because we're different people, but I will say that I know we here care. We understand what depression feels like, and know what it's like to feel completely alone.

My own family can be quite distant. A few weeks ago (or months, I don't know anymore... time is weird to me when I'm in a depressive episode), I was trying to tell my mom that something was wrong. She gets so frustrated with me. Because I can never tell anyone what, exactly, is wrong. So, I started crying. And she yelled at me. I heard her yelling at me to just shut up and stop it. And it made me feel worse. But I don't think she meant it badly. Depression is hard on those we care about, too. They grow frustrated because they don't know how to help us. I'm not sure whether this is your case or not, but I wanted to share my thoughts on it. To give some perspective, hopefully.

Sometimes, I wish I could be normal. But I don't know what normal is. Or if 'normal' is even real. Sometimes, I think this illusion of 'normal' causes more problems than it solves. Welcome to PC.

[yumi]

I will never understand how we can cry and ask for help from our families only to be shut out. I felt safe with them and pleaded for help. I ended up being sent to a church program that was to be a year long. It was not true help and I didn't last 24 hours all this church did was make these people pray all day long, we were not allowed to even talk about our illness or addictions, were not really allowed to talk to each other. I felt hopeless at that point. I needed true help. Not stuffing my issues down, ignoring them , never talking about them, etc... I believe in God, yes....but being forced to just pray all day into the night was unrealistic to true healing. Prayer has its part, yes...but its not the complete cure.

You are not alone feeling like family shuts you out. I wish it were not this way.

And nobody has the right to tell you to kill yourself! Shame on them for being so cruel! I am angry for you. There is no excuse for that and I'm sorry it happened to you. Family should be a safe and soft place to land, based on love and trust, especially when you open your most vulnerable pain to them.

I wish I could give you a hug. We do care about you here.