[lovingone10]

I only came to the reality that I had depression in the past year or so. I always denied it. I think that is the worst part about depression is denial only makes it so much worse.

I'm 26 years old, from 2006 to 2014 all I did was computer program. The company allows me to telecommute, so even more so than other people, I became completely secluded.

I look at all the time I've wasted, and I can't even begin to think how much different my life would be if those 8 years were actually used doing things I wanted to do. I didn't have one relationship during those years. I had a few women interested at certain points, but I pushed them away quickly.

I didn't goto college either, which just makes me go bezerk sometimes. I'm probably going to start later this year just to get a computer science degree. I sat in on classes for about a week. It's all a bit dated, and many of the software solutions they promote are political for obvious reasons. I just hate being 26 down there not to mention 27 and 28. If I would have done what a sane person is supposed to, I would have went down there at 18.

You know, if you asked someone to profile that, you would get some middle aged unhappy man and overweight. I'm so quite the opposite, I want to be happy, I goto the gym every day now, and I look pretty good. No one would ever think I'm a computer programmer.

Depression took away so many valuable years of "learning how to become an adult". Now I'm sorta thrown in the world and I feel like I'm 19, but I'm not.

A couple years ago, I felt so dead on the inside, I seriously think I could've died and I wouldn't have been upset. People have no clue what depression does to you, not to mention a chronic case of it.

The bright side if there is one, is that I have a job + a skill. That's the only silver lining to my entire life story at the moment.

Depression just made things miserable on a level that is hard to explain! I'm just starting to feel like what an ounce of happiness feels like.

[mulan]

I'm sorry about the years you lost and the years you missed. I also lost many things in almost all ages I went through... I never had a relationship, I never kissed someone, what I think is very depressive. But your life is still waiting for you. I deny my age, I'm a little younger, but I feel as I never got 18. I still feel like a teenager, and my life, what I do with it, is wasting time.
Denying depression is bad, I would ask "Depression: how do you know you accept you have it?"...
It's good that you are now fighting for your life and starting to know happiness. Getting out of depression is a process, some people stick with it a lifetime, others just need to fix some life problems and everything is ok by then. But it take its time.
Not from my experience, but talking about the experience from a person I know: you start to treat it and you feel you're much better, but at every glance to the past, you realize that you are even better...so when a person think that he got is life back, perhaps is still much more to get, and more space to improve.
Best wishes.

[lovingone10]

Yes, depression is bad,

Can't get back those lost years, they're gone, just like everything in life, things keep moving no matter if you like it or not.

Seems like the slower you wish things were, the fast they keep moving!

[jesusplay]

i didn't read your post because it's so long.

But to answer your title: You'll know when the depression is gone.

[lovingone10]

I firmly believe it's a progressive thing, it's not an on and off switch here.