[SSSquared24]

Hi, I'm just at a complete loss as to what to do so I searched on google and decided to come here. I'm 24, single and have dropped out of college multiple times. I have made two attempts in the past to get through college but both times my depression has completely consumed my ability to function. I used to have a steady job, but even that got to the point where I could not go a single shift without going outside, crying, hoping this issue would just go away. As a result, I left on good terms, knowing deep down I would probably get fired/replaced if this continued. I can go back any time I want, its just a scary thought given how bad it has gotten for me.

I currently live at my parent's house. They are more supportive than I could ever ask for, but they are at as much of a loss as I am. They are getting much older though, as am I. The future is just so scary to me. I have such a hard time doing even the simplest of tasks. I often wonder if eventually I will need to be put in someone's care because I can't seem to function as an adult. Its like I have a life disability or something. Its just awful. Its gotten to the point where I can't clean my room, make appointments on time, even do any hobbies that I used to consider fun.

My only salvation from my depression is my friends. But they are all moving on in their life. Most of them have jobs, girlfriends, wives, futures and its getting harder and harder to hang with them because of their schedules. And when I do hang with them I'm just reminded of what I can't do or don't have. They wonder why I can't go back to work or school or why I can't just take it upon myself to only think positive. I keep telling them I've tried, but its so hard for them to understand. I'll go a 2 week period where I think only positive thoughts, but the moment I realize things aren't going to work out, they tell me to think positively. Its just so annoying.

Motivation is the primary problem with my depression. I can't bring myself to do anything anymore. I even find things like exercise or eating right near impossible to do. I understand the benefits, and in my mind I wish so badly I could do it but I just can't seem to do it. Its like I'm trapped inside my own head.

Because of my loneliness, I've often felt like maybe having a girlfriend is what I need to push myself out of this funk. Maybe I'm off base but just from knowing me, having a girl by my side that would make me happy enough to motivate myself out of it. This is coming from a 24 year old virgin that's never had a girlfriend so maybe its wrong, but if something can prove to myself I can make it, that would.

I obsess over it too much though. And I have little means of finding a girl like that. My friends don't know anyone, I've tried and failed at online dating, and I'm not in n ideal situation for a 24 year old. Only thing I think I have going is I'm a decent-looking guy. Confidence is my main issue.

I don't wanna turn this into a dating forum post though, I just didn't want to leave any details out. I probably have but I'm willing to answer any questions if it means I can be helped. I just want this depression to be over with. Its controlled my life for 10 years and ruined it the last 6. I feel like I've missed out on so much because of this mental illness. And I feel like I'm about to miss out on so much more. I'm not suicidal but the thoughts creep in my head(If I were to go through with it I'd call a hotline). Its so scary for me. Thoughts of no future and little hope just constantly cloud my judgement.

I've been through more psychologists, psychiatrists and counselors than I can count. So I have no expectations when it comes to help on this site. But I don't want to give up, even if its the very last inch of me saying that. So thanks for taking the time to read about my problem. So I will welcome any and all advice. I just hope I can find a way to get through this tough time.

Thank you.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, SSSquared24.

Originally Posted by SSSquared24

...depression has completely consumed my ability to function...
...I have such a hard time doing even the simplest of tasks.
Its like I have a life disability...
...I can't bring myself to do anything anymore.
...Its controlled my life for 10 years and ruined it the last 6.
...I've been through more psychologists, psychiatrists and counselors than I can count.

Yes, yours sounds like a severe case of chronic depression.

Among those counselors, were there any who specialized in vocational counseling for the chronically depressed? (No need to answer the question if you don't care to do so.)

Please make yourself at home here.

[Pierro]

Anything that stops you from getting on with your life is a disability and sadly depression is yours. I know what its like to go to work, knowing that you can burst into tears at any time. Are you on any meds?. Dont give up hope. Best wishes and welcome to Psych Central..

[Fuzzybear]

[littlemiss44]

You are really suffering from this debilitating illness. I'm on ssd for my mi and it helps me so much. I don't have to work ft. I have a choice to work pt or not. I do work pt because it helps pay for my meds. Even if yr friends have other things going on I would still reach out to them. Depression zaps our motivation and desire to do anything. I feel for you. I never want to do anything either. I won't ever be able to make a better living and it's depressing. I've thought of going back to school to be a nurse but I know I couldn't do it. It must be hard on you to keep trying to finish college. I'm so sorry. I wish it would go away but it doesn't. Take care of yr self ok? We're here for you.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

[nummy]

At your age I was going through a similar thing. Turns out I had OCD, maybe bipolar too.
Mood stabilizers worked better than anti depressants did, by far. I'm on Abilify. Life ain't perfect but my ability to concentrate on little tasks is immensely and almost immediately helped simply by bring put on a different class of meds. (And oh, was I fighting the abilify!!!)(now I'd fight to STAY on it!!!)

I'm not a dr but just thought I'd mention my experience. Depression can mask other illnesses including medical illnesses too.
Don't give up!

[SSSquared24]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, SSSquared24.

Yes, yours sounds like a severe case of chronic depression.

Among those counselors, were there any who specialized in vocational counseling for the chronically depressed? (No need to answer the question if you don't care to do so.)

Please make yourself at home here.

Not that I am aware of. I couldn't tell you though. I can try and see. My last psychologist has been so good. I don't know anyone who could be as good at life counseling as he can. He has given me so much hope and has inspired me in the past, the problem is that hope and inspiration has an expiration date. Its seems like I'm back to see him 3 months after I think everything's all better. Its frustrating.

As for those who have asked what medication I've been on, I am currently on Wellbutrin as well as Abilify for about 6 months. I also have issues with ADD so I have been taking Stratera for just as long in case that needs to be known. The first 4 months I thought that combo worked really well. It was no miracle worker but it evened the playing field so to speak. However the last two months have been terrible. I've had medication in the past work for up to a year and then its like it just stopped working. I'm just at a loss why these medications also seem to have an expiration date with me.

And thanks to all those that have responded. I knew coming into this I probably wouldn't find the end all solution to my problems but it does help knowing there are people out there who know what I am going through and are supportive. So thank you for all the support.

[sentient6]

Take your time and when you're ready make some decisions. Like, do you want to go to college again? Or find a job that would please you? Maybe and interest, or a hobby? Don't be too hard on yourself. Suffering from severe depression for 10 years and still being alive and trying is quite an accomplishment. You should feel proud. I got really depressed when I was 14 too, now I'm 17 and still struggling. And knowing that there is someone like me out there, who has managed to live 7 more years gives me hope that maybe I'll make it. And that's why I believe you will! I hope you realize how strong you are.

[Idiot17]

((((((SSSquared24)))))))

[MissUnity]

Its cool that you are here, this is a step forward….I'm feeling similar, and it is cool to know I'm not alone, and ya like you, I've tried a lot of things, but I don't want to give up, its just frustrating as hell sometimes.

[bluetriangle]

Originally Posted by SSSquared24

Hi, I'm just at a complete loss as to what to do so I searched on google and decided to come here. I'm 24, single and have dropped out of college multiple times. I have made two attempts in the past to get through college but both times my depression has completely consumed my ability to function. I used to have a steady job, but even that got to the point where I could not go a single shift without going outside, crying, hoping this issue would just go away. As a result, I left on good terms, knowing deep down I would probably get fired/replaced if this continued. I can go back any time I want, its just a scary thought given how bad it has gotten for me.

I currently live at my parent's house. They are more supportive than I could ever ask for, but they are at as much of a loss as I am. They are getting much older though, as am I. The future is just so scary to me. I have such a hard time doing even the simplest of tasks. I often wonder if eventually I will need to be put in someone's care because I can't seem to function as an adult. Its like I have a life disability or something. Its just awful. Its gotten to the point where I can't clean my room, make appointments on time, even do any hobbies that I used to consider fun.

My only salvation from my depression is my friends. But they are all moving on in their life. Most of them have jobs, girlfriends, wives, futures and its getting harder and harder to hang with them because of their schedules. And when I do hang with them I'm just reminded of what I can't do or don't have. They wonder why I can't go back to work or school or why I can't just take it upon myself to only think positive. I keep telling them I've tried, but its so hard for them to understand. I'll go a 2 week period where I think only positive thoughts, but the moment I realize things aren't going to work out, they tell me to think positively. Its just so annoying.

Motivation is the primary problem with my depression. I can't bring myself to do anything anymore. I even find things like exercise or eating right near impossible to do. I understand the benefits, and in my mind I wish so badly I could do it but I just can't seem to do it. Its like I'm trapped inside my own head.

Because of my loneliness, I've often felt like maybe having a girlfriend is what I need to push myself out of this funk. Maybe I'm off base but just from knowing me, having a girl by my side that would make me happy enough to motivate myself out of it. This is coming from a 24 year old virgin that's never had a girlfriend so maybe its wrong, but if something can prove to myself I can make it, that would.

I obsess over it too much though. And I have little means of finding a girl like that. My friends don't know anyone, I've tried and failed at online dating, and I'm not in n ideal situation for a 24 year old. Only thing I think I have going is I'm a decent-looking guy. Confidence is my main issue.

I don't wanna turn this into a dating forum post though, I just didn't want to leave any details out. I probably have but I'm willing to answer any questions if it means I can be helped. I just want this depression to be over with. Its controlled my life for 10 years and ruined it the last 6. I feel like I've missed out on so much because of this mental illness. And I feel like I'm about to miss out on so much more. I'm not suicidal but the thoughts creep in my head(If I were to go through with it I'd call a hotline). Its so scary for me. Thoughts of no future and little hope just constantly cloud my judgement.

I've been through more psychologists, psychiatrists and counselors than I can count. So I have no expectations when it comes to help on this site. But I don't want to give up, even if its the very last inch of me saying that. So thanks for taking the time to read about my problem. So I will welcome any and all advice. I just hope I can find a way to get through this tough time.

Thank you.

Hi… Sorry you're having such a hard time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Think of it this way… If you had a broken leg you wouldn't be upset at yourself for not being able to run a marathon. You'd just wear the cast, do the physical therapy, …and eventually mend, then run your marathon. Hang in there!

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by SSSquared24

Not that I am aware of. I couldn't tell you though. I can try and see. My last psychologist has been so good. I don't know anyone who could be as good at life counseling as he can. He has given me so much hope and has inspired me in the past, the problem is that hope and inspiration has an expiration date. Its seems like I'm back to see him 3 months after I think everything's all better. Its frustrating.

As for those who have asked what medication I've been on, I am currently on Wellbutrin as well as Abilify for about 6 months. I also have issues with ADD so I have been taking Stratera for just as long in case that needs to be known. The first 4 months I thought that combo worked really well. It was no miracle worker but it evened the playing field so to speak. However the last two months have been terrible. I've had medication in the past work for up to a year and then its like it just stopped working. I'm just at a loss why these medications also seem to have an expiration date with me.

And thanks to all those that have responded. I knew coming into this I probably wouldn't find the end all solution to my problems but it does help knowing there are people out there who know what I am going through and are supportive. So thank you for all the support.

Its very frustrating I know. I have suffered from it since 7th grade and still do to this day at 50. Sounds like you have all the symptoms of severe chronic MDD. Maybe even the treatment resistant variety. That is what I have. It is hard to accept at that age. I started getting treated at 32. It took me awhile to accept that I had a long term chronic very debilitating disease. I have had to learn to manage it and live with it whatever that turns out to be for me. Hard to figure out what that is sometimes.

Hope does have an expiration date but it comes back. Unfortunately meds do "poop out", very common. What we do when a med stops working is go back and get on another one or a combination of them and keep trying and trying in that department. You might find one or a combo that works great for you.

And we keep at the therapy and try all kinds of different things that might help. If you are treatment resistant like me it is very frustrating. Currently just recently I finally found a set of meds that are working better than anything I have ever taken.

It sounds like we are so similar I am tempted to tell you my whole life story. You are luckier in that you started getting treatment at a much younger age then me. That may help you very much in the long run or it may not. It depends on what is causing the depression.

As far as dating I have not been in a relationship in ten years. The depression really gets in the way. And i don't feel like I have much to offer. When I get to feeling really good and am out of the depression I think about it all the time, and joined Match.com and all of that. And i think damn it I deserve to have that, then another depression comes. We both deserve to have a healthy loving relationship even with our depression. There are people who can deal with it. I was married once and have had a lot of relationships in the past. the real reason for me is that I have made myself unavailable. You will find someone, you are young. It is when you stop trying so hard but are still open and available then bam one day it will happen.

I have one question. What do you think is the underlying cause of the depression at its core? It could be a whole number of things or combination of things.

Here is a link to a summary of my life story if you care to read it.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ife-story.html

It may not offer much hope but it is my story.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Thanks for this thread. My situation is very similar to yours. I'm single, live with my parents, and have mental-health problems. I'm registered as disabled, and have received financial support for that past 3 or so years, which is an immense help. I rarely get out. I rarely socialize, offline. It's 2am, I'm still up, the house is quiet, I'm feeling scared, alone, lost, and a sense of dread is just around the corner; this is a pretty normal occurrence, for me. I know depression is a big thing with me, especially now that I'm taking Propranolol for my anxiety, which does help, but my depression clearly gets in the way, too. Then of course there's the OCD, ... seriously, not a nice combo. :|

Would be ace to meet you, as we seem to be in very, very similar shoes. This is absolutely not a response to the "date"-aspect of your thread, as I don't swing that way, ... it would just be nice to hang out with someone who gets this ****. My brother is in a sort-of similar situation, but at the same time, it feels entirely different.

For me, the depression is getting worse, these days. I'm starting to feel more and more lost, and even desperate, and the weirdest thing is that I'm not entirely sure for what it is I'm so desperate; it for sure as heck isn't to die, ... "ain't nobody got time fo dat"... maybe I'm desperate to feel normal, to do normal things, to not feel alone, to feel like I accomplish things, to feel proud of being me, to like how I look, to make my dad proud, to prove my mother wrong, etc.

I have no advice, sorry, but I am in a very similar place, judging from your thread.

You're welcome to PM me if you so desire.

I also relate to the mind-set that having a partner might help push you and heal you; this is exactly how I think/feel, but due to a series of variables, I'mleft with a lot of baggage. So, I don't really know whether that'll happen anytime soon, or whether I want that to change, but the loneliness is still there. I guess it depends on the woman, situation, and/or time.

The thing that really screws with my head, is the second-guessing:

"Am I fake?"
"Am I just lazy?"
"What if there's nothing wrong with me?"

It drives me crazy. It forever pisses me off when people say stuff like:

"Oh, you can do anything if you put your mind to it!" - utter bollocks!

"I think you're more than capable of doing X thing." - sentiment might be nice, but it basically feeds the whole "second-guessing" thing, and gives me some false-hope, of which inevitably comes crashing back down.