I've been offline for a while, but I've come back online to post this. So lemme give you an update on stuff. For starters, I told two of my friends about everything yes I mean EVERYTHING from the bullying to depersonalization to self harm they know almost everything. They took it well, they seemed supportive but now that a few weeks have gone by they've gone back to normal now and I'm being pushed and hit in the face and called a ******/retard/annoying now and I regret telling anyone. The other person makes jokes about cutting ONLY NOW SHE'S AWARE I CUT so that obviously REALLY PISSES ME OFF. I honestly want to die more now than ever. My mom won't leave me alone. A few times she's slapped me. I don't know if she meant it or not but a mother should not hit their kid. I have ADHD and if you have it too you know how hard it is to pay attention, especially if you're like me and don't take meds. I'm failing my math class because I can't pay attention, and my mom told me to "just stop slacking and pay attention!" IT'S NOT THAT EASY. I feel like I might need meds but my mother makes choices I should make for me, like whether or not I take meds. She's not me, she doesn't know at all what I'm like at school, she thinks she knows, she has NO idea. She says it's my fault and my teachers fault for my poor school performance , but I feel like she's a part of the problem too, yeah, she's not innocent, I clearly need meds and she's denying them to me so I fail. I could be wrong, but I'm just pissed right now. So yeah, my life is complete *****. I can't even cry anymore, no one gets it. Even my own parents are stigmatizing it and don't get it. I'm sick of living, I know I won't make it anyways. So I might as well end it now. I'm done. There's nothing left for me here. Everything is *****.

[Idiot17]

I'm sorry to hear that you told your friends and that they are not understanding the capacity.
My parents/mom make all the decisions for me as well. I don't take meds cuz they decided it won't help. They think they know what's good for me, the don't realize the only good thing for me is them out of my life.
Hang in there. ((((((italianfire)))))

[Frankbtl]

Hi Italianfire, It is really good that you opened up about the way you're feeling/what's been going on for you (to your friends and to us). It does matter so much!!
I'm just really sorry that you got the response you did from your friends. But that says a lot more about them than about you, about them not understanding. Do you think it would help if you explained a bit more to them to help them understand or would it be best to make a distance between you and them- if they just don't want to/can't understand.
Although if these "friends" are the one's calling you names/bullying you (??) then they aren't friends.
And for the people bullying you, you do not need or deserve to put up with that!! No-one has the right to treat someone like that!! You have to let people/teachers at your school know, it is their responsibility to help/support you/do something about the situation. And don't stop until you get the help and support you deserve.
As for at home, do you think you could talk to your dad about the way you're feeling/what's been going on for you including how your mother has treated you, or do you have another close family member who could help? If not then you do have to tell someone.
You might be able to visit a doctor without your parents, and then they can decide where to take things from there. Otherwise a school counselor?.........a teacher?..........someone.
As for no one getting it though, there are plenty of people on here who do get it, who are here for you. You're not alone.
Alison

[scotch77]

Hello,

The worst.part is that none of this is really your fault. Your friends are not really supportive at all, a trait all to common in people. Your parents should never hit you, period! It does sound like meds would help you, but so would a better home life. I suggest talking to your family doctor and school counsellor about your situation, including being withheld medication and being hit as well. A talk with a psychiatrist seems appropriate and some family counselling to correct your parents behaviour, not yours. It's a lot to go through though, having an ally on your side would help a lot. They can talk to your parents for you.

Take care,

D