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#1
May 06, 2014, 11:34 PM
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I feel like I dont know who I am anymore. I dont know if I love my fiance anymore. I feel like maybe im not ready to get married yet? But yet not long ago I thought thats what I wanted. Now im confused and lonely. I dont know what I want at all. I feel like I got lost on the way. I knew my depression was getting worse but now its worse then I expected. Im so tired of pretending im happy. I just want to give up so badly. I have so many emotions and yet I feel empty at the same time. I need to go to therapy but its so expensive! I dont know what to do anymore im completely lost. I feel like I just want to drink all the time because then maybe I won't have to feel this way. I know thats not a good solution but I feel like its all I got right now. I hate this so much. I hate having this dark part of me.
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 Anonymous24680, Anonymous37781
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#2
May 07, 2014, 12:38 AM
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Do you have the feeling that you aren't ready for this and that maybe you feel pressured into a decision?
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#3
May 07, 2014, 01:05 AM
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I've been in the same spot... I can relate a lot to what you're saying. I also drink way too much and I would advise not to let yourself become an alcoholic... I understand the urge to get drunk to avoid problems more than most and if you can stop yourself from going down that path please try to...
Maybe you're not ready for commitment and/or you don't feel the relationship is what you want forever. Either that you or are just having a really hard time independent from that and it's affecting how you feel about your relationship. Hopefully you can decide which. Devastatingly powerful grizzly bear hugs too you... good luck 
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#4
May 07, 2014, 03:26 PM
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Quote:
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#5
May 07, 2014, 03:28 PM
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Quote:
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#6
May 07, 2014, 03:36 PM
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I think sometimes it's hard once we have it all because we think "what else is there to look forward to now in life?". I understand how you might feel confused. I think everyone does some serious soul searching before they get married. I think it's a healthy and normal human thing to do. Have you noticed your depression worsening or your feelings changing for him right after the engagement or has this been building up for a while? Hugs to you hun
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#7
May 07, 2014, 03:41 PM
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I don't know if you are aware, but alcohol only serves to worsen depression ... If there's any way you can stop drinking it, that would be a good first step ... The second step would be to find you a therapist that works on a sliding scale.
This is not something you are going to be able to sort out on your own, and if you can just take those first two steps (which I know seem gigantic right now) you'll be well on your way to figuring stuff out so you can feel better. |
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#8
May 07, 2014, 03:44 PM
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Maybe I think you need a heart to heart with your fiance, and tell her honestly how you feel. Best wishes.
__________________
"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born.... and the day you find out why" ~ Mark Twain |
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#9
May 07, 2014, 06:36 PM
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Maybe it is a big fear of commitment. That is not uncommon at all for us. Or maybe it is the natural confusion and anxiety anyone would have.
If you continue to drink you definitely won't be able to sort out what is really going on. You probably need a clear head (I know raw emotions) and some help to sort it out. Maybe even with a close friend who understands. Be careful with the alcohol as it can have a big impact on relationships.
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
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#10
May 08, 2014, 09:26 PM
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Thanks for the support , nice to know there's people who understand. I think my depression is affecting every part of my life including my relationship with my fiance. It doesn't help that he's working two jobs and not around much. I hate feeling so disconnected from everything, its lonely here. I just want to be happy and I feel like no matter what I do ill never be happy.
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#11
May 09, 2014, 09:00 AM
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Depression definitely has an effect on every area of our lives unfortunately. I can't remember if you said you were getting treated for it or not?
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
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