[Crook32]

Maybe I just like being depressed. Maybe that is why it seems like it won't get better. Maybe I am just that messed up.

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I understand that feeling.

Is it a comfort level that we have with that feeling?? Are we afraid of stepping out of our comfort zone. Do you fear that if you start to feel better that the depression may attack you even stronger for "trying" to feel better (this one is a bit true for me).

Point is - you are not alone.

[Crook32]

I just don't understand why I can't be happy. There is nothing in my life to be depressed about. It sucks. I have been feeling very discouraged and defeated lately. I thought I had beaten this depression this time and now it is coming back.

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if i knew that answer - i would not need to be here.... i would be too busy getting rich from people who would pay anything to get rid of it.

[regretful]

Depression is the unwelcome guest that arrived in my life about 4 years ago; it was served with an eviction notice that it honored for about 12 months of that four years, but remains a squatter in my mental landscape...I am feeling defeated, too, Crook32...it really shouldn't be like this for anyone...

Originally Posted by regretful

[Depression] remains a squatter in my mental landscape.. .

Beautifully described.

Originally Posted by Crook32

I just don't understand why I can't be happy. There is nothing in my life to be depressed about. It sucks. I have been feeling very discouraged and defeated lately. I thought I had beaten this depression this time and now it is coming back.

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Well... without going into allot of detail, depression is basically caused by imbalances in the brain... you know, serotonin, norepinephrine... that stuff (I'm sure you've heard this many times.) Yes, sometimes situations can lead to depression, particularly in persons who have these imbalances to begin with. But, my understanding at least, is that you don't have to be in a bad situation to develop depression.

So don't beat yourself up because you are depressed despite not having something happening in your life that you perceive to be a trigger. This is simply a chemical imbalance in your brain that is negatively affecting your mood.

You write that you thought you had beaten your depression. Is there something you were doing then that you stopped doing... or something that you had stopped doing that you've begun again? Perhaps something has changed that has created the conditions that are allowing depression to creep back into your life.

Are you on psych med's? Sometimes these run their course & need to be changed. Do you see a therapist? If not, maybe this would help. Feeling discouraged & defeated, as you describe, are parts of the depressive experience. The main thing here, from my perspective, is not to allow yourself to sink any further into these feelings than you already have. This is not your fault. It's not a character flaw. It's a physiological condition that needs to be addressed in one way or another, either on your own if you can manage it, or with professional help if you cannot.

[Crook32]

I have been changing meds for the last 16 months. This time I thought we had it right and things were good for almost 3 months. So yesterday my pdoc increased one of my meds because he doesn't want this episode to get too bad. I see my therapist every week but right now I am having a love hate relationship with therapy. I am not liking my therapist at the moment but I think it is just because I am taking a lot of my feelings out on her.

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