Apathy, neuroses, and me

My major issue is that despite doing pretty well on life's milestones (job, apartment, loving relationship) I still feel real hollow inside, and while I do plan for the long term, I feel that I'm just going through the motions (which is something that happens when I interact with people in general).

What I would like help with is on specific (to me) guidance. While I do have professional help, their expertise doesn't really help at the moment since their efficiency relies on a level of personal introspection that I find myself less and less capable of managing, resulting in no one knowing how to proceed after crisis needs are taken care of.

To that end:
What background information do I need to give in order to facilitate a constructive response? I have no clue. I feel that I don't have enough background information but I don't know what to give.
Are there any troubling "vibes" or undercurrents present in the language of this post that are particularly troubling?

Hello, Azimo. Nine years is a long time. I'm glad you remain capable of occupation despite depression.
Do your caretakers understand this?

Going through the motions, sounds like myself during various phases of my life. One of the more important, pdoc questions, IMO, involves whether I find Joy, in life.

Inability, on that one, IMO, is symptomatic of depression. Can be rooted in other causes, and certainly something to address with a medical professional, not to be found online. Just speaking, from personal experience.


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Based on the community response so far, I guess I can add poor communication, in addition to poor introspection.

I phrased my inquiry wrongly; when I mentioned the above I meant the normal psych specialists. I have one for medicine and one for counseling. Medwise I am stopping the worse of the mood swings and nervous fits, but in counseling I am stuck. I'm am trying not to blame the counselor, of course, but I'm not sure how to get out of the muddled dead end I'm currently in now.

This, though, is the one unmuddled thing...and the answer is no, nowhere. Previous enjoyment has now been reduced to a frenzied urgency to complete the thing I used to enjoy in the past.

That's why I posted it here
And I suspect other causes, cause paranoia and obsession over seemingly random things aren't exactly depressive symptoms yet there they are.

Also the general idea was that this would supplement the medical attention I get. I will see them on my normal schedule. But I was hoping that I could get data on what I need to break out of the current rut. The main problem seems to be that most of the time we veer off into inconsequential minutiae before stumbling onto something important.
I know someone will probably say this is how counseling is supposed to work. In that case, then I'm asking on here simply because I would rather attempt to find out what's wrong with me at a nonglacial pace. Currently I'm afforded two (usually irrelevant) trains of thought per thirty days (between appts). If I'm going to end up with relying on psychological dice rolls for progress, I would like to at least roll the dice more frequently.

I could be wrong, and I probably am. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't know what to do next.

Have you directly confronted your counselor with your frustrations? You are the customer receiving a service.

Counseling can be valuable but it does not help everyone. Sometimes even when the insights gained through counseling are enlightening, they are not actionable.

Thank you for your suggestion. I took a step back and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I made an action plan (not an ultimatum, but more stern than in the past) and I will follow it. The great thing about my counselor is that she would be able to direct me to an alternative if things don't work out.

Thanks again for the community support. You gave me the advice I needed but not the advice I wanted. I will definitely be back.