[Djinn8]

For the longest time I thought I did. I wanted good friends. I wanted to have sex with girls. I wanted to belong to a family group. I wanted to have purpose and a job that brought me respect.

Now I'm not so sure.

You see, for the last few years I've been trying to attain the above, but have gotten no where. The constant failure has soured me and made me reflect on what I really want from life, and I just don't know anymore.

Friends:
People seem so exclusionary and untrustworthy to me at the moment. It takes a lot of effort to get people to talk with me, and they never really seem to make the effort first. I'm starting to feel like that effort is a one sided deal. Why should I go out of my way to initiate conversation, invite people out, be friendly, when it is not appreciated? They have their friends and are content with that. I'm unnecessary to them and they treat me as such. Should I be prostrating myself for ungrateful people? No! I'll be alone rather than give up my pride.

Sex:
I see girls who I think are hot quite a lot, but I find basic lust rather disgusting. I hear about people who go to bars to pick up people and I find it gross - like a bunch of grubby hogs squealing and rutting. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex, but I just can't appreciate the animal side of lust. I prefer something deeper than that. I see beautiful girls with great personalities who I would love to get to know and sleep with, but it comes back to the point above - they just don't care one way or the other whether I exist. Without them making the effort as well as me, there's no chance to fall in love and have that deeper experience.

Family:
I'm not just talking about blood relations here, but I might as well cover that first. My family have their lives and I have mine. They exclude me from there business and they expect me to have my own. Some people have strong clannish families, but not me - it's just the way it is. I could start my own family, but I've been engaged twice and on both occasions it's ended up falling short of expectations. I'm very disillusioned about the whole notion now. As for a group of friends as an extended family, see above.

Job:
I've always seen this as a way to support a lifestyle and be respected. I've never been materialistic and can quite happily live on the breadline. Without a family, friends, or lover; with only myself to contend with; it all seems a bit futile and pointless. Having a job and being successful doesn't bring me happiness. At the moment I'm just kind of going through the motions with my career (though funnily enough, I'm probably being the most successful I've ever been). I've never needed to prove to myself that I'm awesome - I know that regardless - so I'm not sure what I'm working for.

All in all, I'm just lost for what to do. I've become disillusioned to all the things I used to want and I'm not really sure what to aim for anymore.

[HuxleysParadox]

How about aim for making a wish and fufilling it. Even if it's learn how to make a pizza from scratch. I read through your points and have a few questions, Do you feel that others find you untrustworthy, or have they stated this to you? I often feel I'm too strange to really get along with my peers. As for your attitude on sex, I don't feel it's wrong.. but I'm female and I know guys can have this machesmo attitude towards it. (believe it or not females can too). As for family make your own! They say you can't choose your family I say bipcus! I did, and it works just fine.
So yes.. find a new purpose and fufull it. Make it as trivial sounding as possible and do it! Remember, you have to make you happy.

[Idiot17]

No advice coming from me, only,that know you're not alone in not knowing what you want due to past failures.
Good luck.

You don't know what you want???? I do. You want to come and clean my house.