Helpless

Depression runs in my family, so I have struggled with it my whole life. Without health insurance, staying on meds has been difficult. I have been off meds for 3 years and over the last year and a half (after my first and only child was born) it's been a roller coaster!

All I ever wanted in this life is to become a wife and mother, it's what I was born to do. Most people's dreams are to become doctors or lawyers, but for me it was always to be a mommy. And then when it finally happened, I couldn't handle it. I have this awesome little boy and it's like I'm empty inside and I can't enjoy him. We have great days where I'm beaming with joy and pride. But those days are often followed by days where I can't get out of bed and can't stop crying.

Over the last few weeks it's gotten much much much worse. I'm a SAHM with no car all day long. My husband takes our only car to work from 5-5 every day. I'm cooped up in the house all day every day. It takes every ounce of energy to not scream and yell at my poor innocent little boy. Anytime he does anything "baby-like" I just lose my mind! It's like my fuse is so short. I get soooo angry. I don't know what to do!!

I have no friends so I'm totally isolated, I never leave the house or talk to anyone. It's starting to ruin my marriage because my husband just doesn't get it. He has never had depression so he thinks I should be able to just "relax." He doesn't understand hat it's not that easy for me. It never has been. I made a doctor appointment for next week but I'm not sure we will have the money for me to go (no insurance, remember).

I'm not searching for a cure or answers, I just need to talk. Talking has always helped me but I have nobody to talk to. It helps tremendously to just get this off my chest. Thanks for listening

hi babyblues
I wish I had a solution for you but they all involve a car. it sucks to be isolated. I work for a resource center and we offer infant classes for free so that could be something you look for but without a car you couldn't get there. or is there a park nearby wehre you could meet other mothers and set up play dates? so all I can offer you is a listening ear. pm me if you ever need to vent. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Ive got 2 young kids and know exactly what youre talking about. First off i had a good job, a house by myself and a car. Well my license was suspended for 6 months. I lost my job and now im staying with my mother. I dont hardly go anywhere and when i get to have my boys i cant go anywhere or do anything with them and its frustrating. I get upset with them when i shouldnt and so on. I dont have any friends or people to talk to.
I have bad depression and with all this mixed in, life is crippling.
So hang in there and theres people on here that seem to care and are nice.

It sounds like you are having a very rough time. ♡ is there any way maybe you could drop your husband off at workwork at least a few days a week so you have a car? Or is public transportation an option? Also, is there maybe a local community clinic that may be less expensive than a regular doctors visit? (Hugs)