[VernitaGreen]

Hello!

I finally feel capable of sharing my story in order to know the opinion of someone who has been struggling with the same feelings than me and could maybe help me.

So, I'm a 20 year-old girl, and unable to look further than tomorrow and imagine having a bright future.
I've always been an anxious child but I had always been able to push myself and to overcome that, even if it was very painful, but now I feel crushed and paralyzed and unable to do things that people my age do.
I've had a very difficult year, with my grandfather falling suddenly ill and spending months in the ICU before finally passing away last february. I still live with my mother, who was really close to her father, so let's just say the atmosphere at home was very heavy and took me even deeper, knowing that I already had been struggling with my mental health since February of 2013.
I'm not sure why things went wrong. It started suddenly, after Winter Break, when college started back. I just remember feeling very sad for now reasons and not being able to catch my breathe.
Like I said I've always been anxious. I would always be stressed for days when I knew I had a presentation to do in front of the class at school. I never got used to it, in fact it got worst. This year, I had a couple of bad experiences with teachers making remarks about how people would never want to hire me if I behaved like this. It probably was supposed to be helpful but it only made me feel even worthless and I had to bite my cheeks really hard not to start crying.
I recently postponed my college graduation. I just need to do a two-month internship to be able to graduate, but I feel so anxious that I don't feel capable of even finding a company that would like to work with me. I was supposed to do it this summer, but I said I wanted to do it this coming academic year to make it longer. I should start in September and still didn't find one. Making phone calls make me sick and I don't even want to think about having to do an interview.

I have trouble falling asleep, constantly think about my problems and am unable to relax. I feel like every single think is bringing me even more anxiety: money, my body image, my relationships with other, and of course my future, etc.
I barely go out of my house and the only persons I hang out with are my brothers.

Of course I'd love to get better and accomplish great things. A therapist would probably be really helpful but I am extremely shy and I think I wouldn't be able to put a sentence together about my feelings.

Did or do you see a therapist and when did you know it was time to see one?

Thank you for reading me!

[kaliope]

hi vernita
I think you could definitely benefit from seeing a therapist for your anxiety. you can start the session by telling them that you think it is going to be difficult for you to string together your feelings and they will find a way to make it easier for you. you will find that it is simpler than you think. it is just your anxiety making you worry that it would be difficult to go..lol. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, VernitaGreen.

• trouble falling asleep
• unable to relax
• barely leaving your house

Especially taken together, these are indications you could benefit from help.

Make yourself at home!

[VernitaGreen]

Thank you both for your answers! I might consider going to see a therapist soon.

I'm looking forward to slowly getting better with help on this forum!

[Clara22]

This is a good place, hope you stay with us

[Fuzzybear]