[TheDeepGreenSea]

I'm 30, and I've been under this constant threat of being unable to work, unable to do much of anything really due to various health concerns that have been difficult to diagnose for probably 6 years now. I had a break from it for 1 year in 2012 where things were mostly better.

I had anxiety and depression in my teens, but I sort of dealt with them by avoidance and eventually finding coping mechanisms/making changes. Things were generally OK though outside of "in my head" looking back. I was lucky enough where internally I could be falling apart at times but had a support system that allowed me to do the right things, start on a good career path, etc. My early 20's really turned around and the depression and anxiety were well-managed. I shrank my world and had a lot more control. My family was so proud of me.

This year the anxiety/depression are back at a difficult to manage level along with recent negative health changes. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job and with it the ability to really do any job. I'm afraid I'm going to lose the house I bought. I'm afraid my health is degrading to the point where my quality of life will reach the tipping point where I just give up. It's paralyzing me socially and at work. When time off work comes around I just don't care, nothing feels worthwhile.

I'm lucky to have my parents behind me, but I can't seem to effectively communicate the severity of what is happening to me. I'm constantly at doctors who can't really seem to help and appointments are always months apart. My parents are positive and like "we'll get through it!" My biggest fear is that I just continue to degrade, end up living at their home dependent on them and then they pass away or they get sick. I know that's looking too far ahead, but it feels like an inevitability.

It's turned me into the least fun person I know. I've let old friendships slip away and become a burden on my family. I just don't want to do anything anymore.

It's hard to not think of the past. I easily get lost in remembering my childhood or fantasizing about going back in time and "fixing" all the things that went wrong and led here.

[glok]

Hello, TheDeepGreenSea. Have you told the doctors what you just told us? Perhaps, you might print a copy of your post for the doctors?

The treatment you are receiving is not working. Changes need to be made now. Be your own best advocate.

I wish you well.

[kelticgirl]

I so identify....it hurts and fearing the future ..gawd it's the worst....I feel like I've lost so much ..friends, family but I have some people who have stayed there for me so...and I have a wonderful son..I'm trying to keep going but it is hard and some days I don't know if I will make it..not ever sure if I'm posting this right..hope you get it.