[Lmd22]

Hi,

I'm a student and I'm new to posting on forums, in fact I'm new to asking/admitting I need help but I've been going through a rough patch recently. Scared to go out, worrying, not eating, not sleeping etc but 7 weeks ago I got antidepressants from my GP. So far I feel they are helping slightly, good days are more common and well I sleep better at least, but my moods come and go and that's where I have a question. I say things I don't mean and sometimes I don't even realise that what I'm saying is hurtful .. until i've said it. I dont mean to hurt anyone. Sometimes i dont actually remember what i've said. i seem to have become heartless, not caring about things I used to care about. Is it the depression that is making me like this? Or have I just become a horrible selfish person? That's what I feel like. Is it possible that antidepressants make you numb to things that other people find upsetting? Will the antidepressants eventually help my moods?

Thank you

[Frankbtl]

Hi Lmd, well it's really good that you managed to talk to your GP about what's been going on for you. From what you say that probably wasn't easy for you, so well done!!!
As for saying things you don't mean or being hurtful, well moods can play a big part in that. And depression...............maybe linked in with that there's some apathy?? less interest or focus on things (and people!!)?? emotionally drained?? lack of concentration?? sometimes finding conversations a bit "overwhelming"??
But regardless, it's going to be hard (if not impossible!!) to focus as much on other people's needs/feelings/perceptions in conversation if you're depressed. And not always that easy being "nice" to people, even if you really want to be when you're depressed.
So NO you're not a horrible, selfish person!!! You just need a bit more help with where you're at right now, so cut yourself some slack, hey??
As for anti-depressants well sometimes they can effect people differently, the main thing though is to keep your GP up-dated on how it's going. It might be they need increasing a bit, often doctors will start at a lower dose and work up from there as needed or it might be ultimately you need them to be changed for some different one's/or need a different medication. But if that's the case then there are plenty of meds out there and and plenty that can help people get to/back to where they really want/need to be.
And for support while you're working through this...........there are some really understanding, supportive people on here so keep posting and/or looking around and.........welcome to PC!!!!
Alison

[IrisBloom]

Recovery is a slow process and you need to be patient with yourself. Every time I have allowed myself to get in a bad way and then go seek help, it seems I get impatient for improvement, even knowing as I do that it takes time. You really will get better in time and one day you will look back and see how far you have come. You might want to see a mental health professional, as they know more about depression than a GP would.

[Lmd22]

Thanks for your replies. Been referred to and am going to see a clinical psychologist soon. Very scared about it and have no idea what to expect. Hopefully it goes ok.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Lmd, thanks for keeping us up-dated
And really good news about the referral, just try not to be worried about it, hey??
They're there to help you. And you know it might be a bit easier to be prepared, so perhaps you could write down everything about the way you've been feeling and how it's effecting you. Even keep a bit of a journal.
And if there's anything you don't know/aren't sure about when you see them, then that's OK too because you can both work through things together. Just think you're going to be leading this just as much as they are. Inc. don't be afraid to ask them questions or talk about any concerns you have about the appointment/s too!! They should be there to support you with all of that.
And btw if you're worried about walking away from there with a list of diagnosis's/things wrong with you, don't be!! For a big part they might be working with you on finding some causes (if there are any) for the way you're feeling, triggers and finding some coping skills which should start to make a bit of a difference anyway.
So try to make the most of the opportunity, yes?
Alison