Seeking some advise

I'm new to this and I've never openly dealt with my feelings of depression before. I'm 28 years old and have been fighting my feelings since I was a very young child. People around me just seem to be so much happier when I'm happy, so I've developed an excellent skill of putting up a wall of smiles and laughter to keep them all from peering in and getting a glimpse of what's really going on. I don't know what's wrong with me now that has me sinking so low today though. I know I have a form of seasonal depression and usually I'm my best in the summer but this summer has been different. I'm just in a haze I can't seem to find my way out of. I am sick of my job, I feel burned out in school (graduate in 8 months but it's getting harder and harder to stay on track), my family immediately makes me feel anxious and agitated when I see them, and I just want to snap out of it and go about my business. Some days are great. I'm on top of the world, and then I slip and fall off that ledge and smack down to the bottom. I don't let anyone see this change or tell anyone about it. The last time I tried, I got an eye roll and was told, "Well then maybe you should go see a shrink, cry baby." It made me shut my feelings inside more and press down and down and down on them, but I'm afraid there's now about 24 feet worth of feelings shoved into this 6 foot package. Anyone ever feel this way? What do you do in cases like this? What can I do?
PS - thanks for reading my novel.

Welcome to the Community, FearOfFallingApart. Does you school have counselors you might see? It seems you need professional help. I hope you can get it.

I wish you well.

Putting on the happy face, acting as if everything is ok, stuffing feelings, not talking about it only works for so long. When you are young and more resilient it can be easier to do. For me at 50 it is just to hard and tiring. 24 ft stuffed into 6 ft is not good. You need to find safe understanding people to talk to about it. They are out there. One example is us here.

i've had depression for as long as i can remember. i was shamed for it when i was a teenager, so i learned to do as you do, to stuff it down. however, that kept me from seeking help (people were so disparaging of psychiatrists and therapists).

i wish i'd sought help sooner. untreated depression will only get worse. i ended up getting help when it got so bad, they put me in the psych ward. i realized i had to deal with my feelings and because i let them fester for so long, it is a lot of work to cope with this level of depression.

i would start with a therapist. find someone you connect with and talk about what you're feeling. practice opening up. a therapist can help you gain an idea of what type of strategy will help you.