[dandylin]

Everywhere that I read about depression, there is hope and every article or journal entry makes it seem that this is just a temporary situation. That people have "episodes" of depression over their lifetimes. Making it seem that these people, for the most part, are happy and functioning at optimal level. With these pesky episodes rearing their head every decade or so.

This is not my experience and given everything I read here; it isn't most of yours.

Am I going to get over this? Is their going to be a moment when all is revealed and answers answered?

Will I ever feel completely free of this awful weight? I feel like someone is lying to me.

[Hobbit House]

Wow, I don't know what to say, are you on meds? are you seeing a doc? It's been my experience that it is a slow painful process recovering from depression. It is a difficult journey. That being said, there is hope. I struggle with depression and can tell you that things can get better. It takes time though. the right meds and doc help tremendously. Even with meds and therapy it's not easy to overcome but it can be done. it's easy to talk about... a little more difficult to put into practice. Anyway if you need a symphathetic ear I'm listening.

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by Hobbit House

Wow, I don't know what to say, are you on meds? are you seeing a doc? It's been my experience that it is a slow painful process recovering from depression. It is a difficult journey. That being said, there is hope. I struggle with depression and can tell you that things can get better. It takes time though. the right meds and doc help tremendously. Even with meds and therapy it's not easy to overcome but it can be done. it's easy to talk about... a little more difficult to put into practice. Anyway if you need a symphathetic ear I'm listening.

Thank you for the thoughtful answer. I am on meds and am better with them, but not great. I am in therapy and making slow progress, but not at the rate I'd like. It feels like my go to thought when something goes wrong...is "I want to die" The thoughts won't leave, even when making progress. I would love to be able to look back on these years of pain and say "I made it through", but I am afraid that I'll always be trudging through the darkness.

[Hobbit House]

I know what you mean when you say you are better on meds but not great. I suffer from chronic anxiety as well as depression and they can not overmedicate me due to my job requirements. so I end up putting up with more symptoms than I would like.

[Purplesept2007]

Hi Dandylin,
Keep doing what you are doing and by no means is this an easy process. Sometimes it is a roller coaster that you just want to get off but the attendant won't let you. The journey does have peaks and valleys that is for sure. I like what Hobbit House said above. I have struggled with depression for over 35 years so I am definitely speaking from experience that is for sure. Hang in there and just put one foot in front of the other (even though that is very very difficult at times).

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by Snuggles22

Hi Dandylin,
Keep doing what you are doing and by no means is this an easy process. Sometimes it is a roller coaster that you just want to get off but the attendant won't let you. The journey does have peaks and valleys that is for sure. I like what Hobbit House said above. I have struggled with depression for over 35 years so I am definitely speaking from experience that is for sure. Hang in there and just put one foot in front of the other (even though that is very very difficult at times).

\
Thank you Snuggles. It's so good to know that I am not alone in this journey.

[SimonSays1]

Originally Posted by dandylin

Everywhere that I read about depression, there is hope and every article or journal entry makes it seem that this is just a temporary situation. That people have "episodes" of depression over their lifetimes. Making it seem that these people, for the most part, are happy and functioning at optimal level. With these pesky episodes rearing their head every decade or so.

This is not my experience and given everything I read here; it isn't most of yours.

Am I going to get over this? Is their going to be a moment when all is revealed and answers answered?

Will I ever feel completely free of this awful weight? I feel like someone is lying to me.

Keep reminding yourself that your depression lies to you. It makes you feel hopeless and doubtful. Asking yourself "am I going to get over this?" is all part of it. We are all works in progress. Progress itself (no matter how small and insignificant) is success!

No one will ever be free of having negative and self defeating thoughts from manifesting. But you can learn how to associate and react to them. Some people choose to let them pass. Others (like us) choose to hold on to them and obsess over them. Just learn to let them pass like storm clouds.

[archipelago]

I think I know how you feel. I feel kinda lied to or betrayed or something. It certainly doesn't seem fair or easy. I have worked hard on myself and in therapy. I've tried a whole range of meds. I have had periods where things seemed a bit better, but recently I really just fell and nothing seems to be working. For a while, I was just barely hanging on and getting by. And it seemed that after all this work and focus on this issue that nothing had actually amounted to anything. I was totally like, what is the use? But I just listened to my therapist instead of to what was really the depression speaking. He has hope, sees change, and sees a future of freedom. I go by that when I don't actually feel it inside.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by dandylin

Thank you for the thoughtful answer. I am on meds and am better with them, but not great. I am in therapy and making slow progress, but not at the rate I'd like. It feels like my go to thought when something goes wrong...is "I want to die" The thoughts won't leave, even when making progress. I would love to be able to look back on these years of pain and say "I made it through", but I am afraid that I'll always be trudging through the darkness.

Meds can make you feel okay.... that means they work. It's up to you to make yourself feel great.

I tend to do the "I wanna die!" thing. One has to learn to challenge it... it is doable. Realize that it's automatic thought and not a real feeling. Stop right there at first thought. Counter it.

Thing can get better. Look outside what you done until now. Look for good omens. Look within. It is there....

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by archipelago

I think I know how you feel. I feel kinda lied to or betrayed or something. It certainly doesn't seem fair or easy. I have worked hard on myself and in therapy. I've tried a whole range of meds. I have had periods where things seemed a bit better, but recently I really just fell and nothing seems to be working. For a while, I was just barely hanging on and getting by. And it seemed that after all this work and focus on this issue that nothing had actually amounted to anything. I was totally like, what is the use? But I just listened to my therapist instead of to what was really the depression speaking. He has hope, sees change, and sees a future of freedom. I go by that when I don't actually feel it inside.

You never know what is going to ring true for you and today it was your post. Thanks so much. You are right, my T says I'm doing better and coping more efficiently. I think the auto-tune negative talk knocks me over sometimes

[-jimi-]

Just a very incomplete answer... I've never had depression episodes as they are described. When I studied psychology I was taught everyone stays in a depression episode max 6 months.

If only that was true...

Meds pulled me up, wish there had been another way but wasn't for me.

[archipelago]

dandylin, your response post actually did it for me today so we mutually benefitted and I thank you. It shows that connection and meaning can also make a difference.