[woundedsoul]

We were talking this morning about how my brothers wife of more than 20 years stopped speaking to us after his death 2 years ago. He said that it didn't bother him at all, but I said that it really bothered me and I am very hurt by it. Especially after I had stuck up for her and been on her side against my own brother, who was basically the last family member I had left (other than my sister whom I have cut off contact with completely). I had told my brother when he came to stay with me, that after everything his wife had put up with over the last 20 + years, he needed to run back home, and beg for her forgiveness. I was so angry with him. It actually caused us , at the time of his death, for him to not be speaking with me, even though I tried to call him, even though he was the one in the wrong. He wouldn't even speak to his nephews, before he died. I can deal with him not speaking to me, but not talking to my boys who loved him. He had just been living here with them for months. They are just kids and they had nothing to do with our fight. He was such a jerk! And now his wife isn't calling them anymore either. I always knew that she really only cared about her family, her kids, grandkids, etc. It was so obvious when we were the ones that always had to make the trip to visit them. The only time they ever came to visit us, was when I had to have emergency surgery when I perferated an intestine, and almost died. Even then she brought her grandson, (who was only a year old), who brings a baby to the home of someone who just gets out of the ICU, and still had a feeding tube inserted in my stomach. It wasn't like she had to bring the baby. She chose to bring the baby, like it was some kind of vacation or something. I had just gotten out of hospital the night before, and I had lost 20 pounds because they didn't let me eat the whole week I was in the hospital, and I was still on a liquid diet for the next 2 weeks to go. And that day, I was choosing to return to cosmetology school, because my instructor had started nail class a week early, so i had already missed several days of class and I couldn't miss anymore, or I'd have to wait and take the next class, which was goodness knows when, and I was way too close to graduation. I had worked to hard to graduate early on top of that. I'm sure that is the reason she started that class early, so i would miss it, since she knew I was in the ICU. Of course, she didn't think that I would get out and come straight to school. Guess she didn't know me to well! Still graduated 2 months early. Showed her didn't I? And took the Instructor course also, ha! Anyway, my husband thinks his family accepting me should be enough, and that I just like to feel bad for myself. Because I said that everyone else in my family treated me like crap or basically abandoned me in my life, and yes it hurts to have my sister in law do the same thing after being part of the family for more than 20 years. And the fact that having his family be so caring, the fact is, there not my family. She was all I had left, and now I don't even have that. So yes it makes me sad. But it really upsets me that I can't ever talk to my husband about how I feel, because he just invalidates it. Tells me that I feel bad for myself. I need to move on, get over it. Like anything I feel isn't ever important. Like I'm not important. I don't know, am I wrong? Is what he saying right? Am I just too sensitive? Give me honest opinions. And if so, how do I move on and get over this? Thanks for input.

[liveforfish]

Sounds like you're grieving the loss of this relationship. Men don't get emotions like this. They stay neutral.