[alk2601]

I am in that place emotionally where every small stressor seems to affect me 10x more than it would if I wasn't struggling with depression. These past 2 weeks I feel like the stress has been increasingly worse...

I've been unsuccessfully battling the desire for substance abuse...for that reason my therapist decided that I'm apparently too much of a burden and never scheduled a return appointment with me. I can't help but feel hurt and rejected by this, and it has really been bugging me, particularly since my T was the only person in my life that I was able to be open with. I've tried finding another T and have been wait-listed but can't find anyone affordable who is accepting new clients.

The same weekend that my therapist basically dropped me I took my dog in for a routine checkup and found out that he has a horrible ear infection that may have damaged his hearing. I feel so horrible, it's my fault, I can't believe I never noticed that he had such a significant problem...can't stop beating myself up about it or feeling anxious about whether he will heal. Also, I've already spent several hundred dollars on the unexpected vet bill and my dog will need continuous checkups (i.e. hundreds more $$) over the next few months...

And then the clincher...this past Friday I woke up at 8 am to a fire alarm and sirens blazing. My apartment building was on fire, and I had to evacuate in PJs and spend the next 4 hours standing around without even a bra on, waiting to hear how bad the damage was. I got lucky, I wasn't one of the 25 in the building who were displaced, and the smoke damage isn't horrible, but I had to use vacation time to miss work, spend the weekend in a motel, and now that I'm back in my apartment the smoke is bothering my asthma so much that I will have to spend more money to go to a doctor and try to get some medication/inhalers to help me function. The apartment isn't offering any recourse like moving me to a different unit or allowing me to break the lease (unless I pay two months rent, which I don't have) even though I can barely breathe in my own apartment. I typically work from home but now have to travel to the downtown office (1 hr bus ride) for work every day until I can stand to breathe in my own apartment again. Also, I get to shell out more $$ to board my dog, because I can't leave him home for 9+ hours and I don't want his health issues to get worse either by leaving him in a smoke-filled apartment.

It has been the most exhausting weekend, and to top it off I've had insomnia. This sounds stupid, but I think it has been caused in part by the trauma of the fire. I try to fall asleep and every time I hear a siren or loud noise in the distance I jerk awake. Plus I keep thinking about all the things I need to try to get done (such as renter's insurance reimbursements, doctor's visits, begging the apartment manager to let me leave). I don't know how I will have the energy to get through work this week, and having to travel downtown is emotionally draining for me. I don't think I could function full-time at my job without the ability to work from home most days...and now even that comfort is taken from me...

I feel so stupid whining, though, because at least I wasn't one of those who lost all my belongings or had to pack up and move the night of the fire. I feel so guilty for being selfish...and I'm honestly sad for my neighbors, I have lost some friends among those who were displaced. I wish I could trade them, I'd rather leave my apartment and they probably wouldn't be as affected by the smoke as I am.

I just want to close my eyes and have this all go away...have my dog miraculously healed...my therapist miraculously reconciled...my apartment miraculously restored...and somehow find a check for a thousand bucks so that I can financially recover also...oh, and have my *******ed chest stop hurting so much...

[Rohag]

I'm sorry for everything you've had to face in such a short time. The dog's ailment might send me over the edge.

Originally Posted by alk2601

...every small stressor seems to affect me 10x more than it would if I wasn't struggling with depression.

From your descriptions, I would not be surprised you are also suffering from an anxiety disorder. Depression and anxiety can develop together making both harder to treat.

Consider contacting 2-1-1 (United Way/AIRS) and trying to talk to someone about the smoky apartment and your health.

[TheLastChapter]

I am so sorry to hear about it all. Always feel free to vent I know that after I post on here, usually I feel so much better. I hope things get better for you.