[flours]

feeling empty. nobody cares I exist. it has absolutely no effect on the world that I am in it. I could as well not be. but I am there nevertheless and now I am sitting here and have no clue what to do with myself. had a bad night yesterday. I am disappointed things aren't going my way. feeling lost and abandoned once again. it is just that for me my own existence doesn't make any sense without anybody to witness. I think that's the whole point about my depression. I feel like I have no effect on anybody and anything in the world. so my life seems in vain.
and it also makes me be stuck in this situation because if I have no effect I cannot do anything. I am powerless and helpless. I am less than a person but rather something that accidentally happens in the world. a side product of other peoples life and more important events that are happening.
right now I don't feel like there is anything important about myself. others needs and plans are more important.
today I have a horrible ache in my chest. I imagine my mental condition is causing my body to follow downhill. don't know what it means though. probably will ignore it. don't really mind anyway.
pathetic I know. I try to get up again and again when I feel like this and I do. but it's not getting any easier. every time is hard. it is hard to even sit and breathe. it hurts physically and emotionally. both. well I think there may not be a way to separate them anymore. from some level of being miserable it is all the same.
it hurts so bad. I don't know how I can make it through the day. and the next day. really don't know.

I care you exist. I have felt like you do now.
You are just as important and beautiful as everyone.
You just can't see that now.
We have to make our way through the darkness to get to the light

[Pierro]

One hour at a time, I am so sorry that you are feeling so miserable and alone. Try to distract yourself. I know it takes energy, but all we can do is try and hope that tomorrow will be better than the days gone by.

Best wishes

[flours]

thanks. okay I made it to today. running out of distractions though.

[flours]

not so good today. feeling lost because I am not finding anything to keep my mind busy with. don't really manage to keep thinking about one thing I want to concentrate on but get distracted by dark thoughts.
If I manage, things sometimes work. but then I am slipping again. like right now and everything feels horrible.
:-(

need a good thought to drag myself out of that mood. hard to find.

[regretful]

Here's a good thought...you wrote it yourself..."okay I made it to today". Giving up is something that is such an enticing option; believe me, I'm right there, even today; but I can't give up. My good thought that gets me through is that nothing, not even depression, lasts forever.