[TheOriginalMe]

I am going in to work today, the first day back after 6 months. As feelings go it is right up there with the don't want to go back to school feeling and it is 32 years since I had to do that.

The problem is that the worst case scenario is that I can't cope and they'll sack me. Part of me would be relieved if that happened, but that's probably the depression talking, I need a job I just wish it didn't have to be this one.

[Blitter2014]

You can do it. You suffer from depression, but it does not define you, you are still that smart valued employee you were when you took time away from work. Your boss will value your efforts to return, your colleagues hopefully supportive.
Don't put pressure on yourself to pick up where you left off, just be yourself and do your best. Thats all anyone can ask of you .

All the best

[Frankbtl]

Hi Original, first of all well done on taking the step to go back today and I hope it hasn't gone too bad??
But just remember this is only the first day, it may not be "great", you might need some time to adapt to it, it might not be "a walk in the park" getting back into it..........and all of that is completely understandable, so don't judge yourself/be too harsh on yourself about any difficulties you may have. Day by day, hey??
And with that, don't forget things that have gone right either!!!!

And you know, if it were to come down to it that you weren't able to cope anyway..........then just not the job for you. Won't mean you've failed at all, just not the job for you..........and you're more important than any job!!!
So, see how it goes, yes??
And again (!!!!) well done on taking the step to go back!!!! Kudos to you!!!!!



Alison

[Nobodyandnothing]

Congratulations on your job! That is quite an accomplishment. (((Hugs))))

[regretful]

Take this from someone that has been out of meaningful work for over a year...be grateful for the job. Even if it is something that you don't want, getting another job is far easier when you have a job. I think it's a great accomplishment for you, and I wish you well with the work.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

It is just a job; keep yer nose clean, yer arse covered, don't speak out of turn, volunteer for nothing, work yer hours and no more, suck up to the boss, keep up your union dues in case you have sue the bastards, lie vigorously in your annual performance review, you know the drill, while you rake in your meagre salary and look for something better.

You may be like me and depressed because you see too clearly and are more realistic than undepressed people - it moderation this can be a good thing, but not if you let things get out of perspective.

I had to look up what you do, it sounds rather impresssive: file: http://www.bedford.gov.uk/jobs_and_c...62e&version=-1

At least you should have a good pension to look forward to, and with luck early retirement in a few years, that's what I am hanging on for anyway.

[Pierro]

It's so hard to go back but financial burdens put us all out. I will be like you in a few weeks, I will be going back too. I hope it goes as smoothly as it can go. As Blitter said, just do your best.

[TheOriginalMe]

Thank you everyone for your support. I did it and survived, that's the worst bit over with, I just hope I can sustain things.

I had a shocking reminder of how ill I was before I went off sick. I found my notebooks and they were full of gibberish that I had written about myself, mostly derogatory and highly personal, I know it was me who had written it but the handwriting was very different to my normal writing. I'd obviously spent a lot of time making these "notes". I'd left the notebooks lying around on my desk where anyone could see them. I wonder if anyone did read them and what they thought? Luckily for me I mostly got over worrying what other people think about me many years ago, so I'll just pretend it never happened and if anyone has a problem with that - tough.

Originally Posted by Pierro

It's so hard to go back but financial burdens put us all out. I will be like you in a few weeks, I will be going back too. I hope it goes as smoothly as it can go. As Blitter said, just do your best.

Pierro, hope your return to work goes well, good luck.

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow;4014687

I had to look up what you do, it sounds rather impresssive: file: [URL

http://www.bedford.gov.uk/jobs_and_careers/current_vacancies/idoc.ashx?docid=5bba1574-4dc3-42d6-be68-a9d2d3bfd62e&version=-1[/url]

At least you should have a good pension to look forward to, and with luck early retirement in a few years, that's what I am hanging on for anyway.

MOCS, I admire your nosiness, researching my biography and then finding a job description, l don't work in Bedford though. It is quite a good job and quite interesting, just sometimes the material I have to deal with is about life at its most cruel, and the depression does make me very sensitive to the negative side of life and vice versa.

Originally Posted by regretful

Take this from someone that has been out of meaningful work for over a year...be grateful for the job. Even if it is something that you don't want, getting another job is far easier when you have a job. I think it's a great accomplishment for you, and I wish you well with the work.

Thanks Regretful, I know I'm lucky to have a job to go back to, like I said, it was mostly the depression talking. I know I need to decide whether to look for something else, but that's not a decision to be rushed.

Originally Posted by Blitter2014

You can do it. You suffer from depression, but it does not define you, you are still that smart valued employee you were when you took time away from work. Your boss will value your efforts to return, your colleagues hopefully supportive.
Don't put pressure on yourself to pick up where you left off, just be yourself and do your best. Thats all anyone can ask of you .

All the best

Thanks Blitter, I'm doing a phased return which means I'm slowly building up my hours over the next month. I held out for 4 hours today, I didn't do much, just found out that my laptop had died, so Friday's task will be calling IT and telling them what they need to do to fix it

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Original, first of all well done on taking the step to go back today and I hope it hasn't gone too bad??
But just remember this is only the first day, it may not be "great", you might need some time to adapt to it, it might not be "a walk in the park" getting back into it..........and all of that is completely understandable, so don't judge yourself/be too harsh on yourself about any difficulties you may have. Day by day, hey??
And with that, don't forget things that have gone right either!!!!

And you know, if it were to come down to it that you weren't able to cope anyway..........then just not the job for you. Won't mean you've failed at all, just not the job for you..........and you're more important than any job!!!
So, see how it goes, yes??
And again (!!!!) well done on taking the step to go back!!!! Kudos to you!!!!!



Alison

Thanks Alison, I can see how much I've improved while I've been off, so hopefully I will cope better than before, obviously I'm a bit worried in case I start slipping again but that's only human. One day at a time.

Originally Posted by Nobodyandnothing

Congratulations on your job! That is quite an accomplishment. (((Hugs))))

Thank you Nobody. I'm lucky that my job was held open for me, I've been doing this job for about 10 years and when I got it I was doing well and had been off meds for a while.

[Idiot17]

Good luck.

[waterknob1234]

Glad you got thru your first day back at work. That was probably the hardest. Just take things one step at a time. You will do fine.