[Curupira]

I have been feeling really weird these last few days. Very jittery, difficulty sleeping, low to no appetite, and this inspite of the fact that that I have been trying to hermit less so my mood would lift. On top of that my husband is leaving on Sunday for a week. Yay no deployment at the new job! Boo lots of traveling at short notice.

This is the first time since I ended up in emergency surgery last year that I will be alone for any extended period of time. I feel like one giant trigger these days. Everything I see or read appears to have a dead mother in it. I know nothing has changed but everything terrifies me. I feel so tiny and insignificant.

Any sage words?

[waterknob1234]

Hi Curupira, I am hoping you will be feeling better soon. It might help to make plans of something pleasant to do, or find people to talk to and spend time with when your husband has to go away on a trip. Of course also write here and talk to us.

I hate it when I feel jittery and agitated like that. That's not a happy feeling. Usually some kind of distraction may help. Some people try meditating. I try prayer and listening to music. It is not a perfect answer, but it does help. Hope things are better soon.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Curupira

...I have been trying to hermit less so my mood would lift.

If only our moods would respond they way they are "supposed" to to "good" advice...

Originally Posted by Curupira

This is the first time since I ended up in emergency surgery last year that I will be alone for any extended period of time.

How alone are you going to be? Apart from formal help, do you have anyone you can call who could come running?

[Fuzzybear]

[Curupira]

I have been making connections and I am lucky enough that I have one friend from a previous duty station that is here with a medical background that knows enough about my situation that I can call in case of emergency.

I plan on filling the days with play dates, and fall activities. There are some apple farms, pumpkin patches and pick your own grape places that are close enough that I can go to but far enough away that it will be a day trip for me. And I think that watching my daughter run wild and enjoy herself, taking the focus off me will help me get through.

The BIG issue is that this will be the first time he will be gone since I almost died last year (not self inflicted, my body just randomly decided to explode) so I feel like my safety net is being taken away.

Ever since that day we both always have our cell phones with us so if I need help and I can't get to him he can come to me. If something were to happen next week he could not come and save me. And that is really scary. I thought was getting better. I did not realize how much I still lean on him.

I have had this nightmare ever since last year. My little girl knocking on my bedroom door and there not being anybody to open it for her. And she just keeps knocking. I have been having it a lot lately. I wake up crying.

[Idiot17]

(((((Curupira))))).....no words of comfort from me.
Hope you can prove to yourself that you can do this without him....sending positive vibes your way.

[cat2992]

Hi. I can appreciate being a military wife. In a city where you're basically isolated, but surrounded with people? It feels isolating due to fears, in my experience. I'm wondering if your fears are also due in part to worrying over who would know you need help and who would take care of your child. I suggest a check in plan with your medical friend, and if you fail to check in, he/she will either come over or call the authorities /911.
Spending time actively is a great idea, and can make a scary time less so. Good luck.

[Curupira]

Thanks guys.

Cat: I do have a care plan in place. Several actually to cover all possible basis. So I am covered in that regard. I have done everything that I can logically do to keep myself and my family safe.

This is not rational, this is that stupid deepseeded fear that my body will fail me again. I am fortunate that I have an amazing therapist. She actually gave me her cell so I could call he if I have a crisis while my husband is away.

I just need to get through this one.