A dog and her depressed owner...

This is my first post, and it's a tricky one, so don't be too quick to judge.

I'm 23, a female, and I got my first dog about 4 months ago. She's a cute Shih Apso mix, about 1 year and 6 months old. I love her very dearly, and I got her thinking she would aid my depression, which has been treading the line between dysthymic or a full-blown depressive episode.

Fast-forward to now, where I feel guilty because she could be receiving much better care from a fully-engaged owner. I do the essentials--feeding her twice daily, taking her out when nature calls, giving her some play time both outdoors and indoors. But...I had started out walking her in the mornings, but with my work schedule in full-force, waking up early to take her for a full walk is almost impossible. And now I feel terrible, because we no longer take her for walks and only let her outside either to poop or play (which is for about 15-30 minutes at a time; I'm anemic, so I get tired pretty quickly). We have a fenced in yard, so it's easy to give her exercise in that way--but I feel like I should be doing more. She was housetrained when we got her, but I've yet to give her some basic training commands other than "sit" or "stay."

Right now, she's laying next to me sleeping, but I feel like she's bored. If I take her to the dog park to socialize, she becomes her happy, jumpy self. I feel like she's not getting the stimulation she needs at home, and I feel worse because of it.

If anything, this should motivate me to make a drastic change and become more engaged--and hope that it finally pulls me out of this depression. But motivation is hard to come by. Beyond working and her, I don't have much of a life. Cleaning is the hardest thing for me, but I would never want her to live in a dirty house with a depressed owner, so I'm trying for her. My family is also here to watch her, but there have been some scares (my mother left a bottle of pills open on the floor, and my dog ate them--mum didn't think of going to an emergency clinic until I caught her vomiting and pooping blood; thankfully she's alright now), so I don't trust them fully enough to take care of her.

Sometimes I think she would be better off with someone else. But with the money I've spent on trying to keep her healthy and happy, the guilt would eat away at me. I don't know what I'm asking at this point, I probably just needed to vent. I want to change so dearly for my dog...

Hi Mayla, she clearly means a lot to you, and to me it sounds really good that you've found each other
And other than a few practicalities which there might be ways around, do you think that the depression as much as anything is telling you that you're "letting her down". And you know how depression can leave you feeling that you're not doing enough, you're not good enough, you're failing at so much, you just can't.............., you're more of a burden, right?? But that doesn't mean any of it's true does it?!
Maybe when she's not doing as much, lying around a bit..........it's a sign that she's feeling settled and content, which is good, right?? And there's nothing to say that she isn't picking up on the love you feel for her as well.
Now you have got a great base to work from with "I do the essentials--feeding her twice daily, taking her out when nature calls, giving her some play time both outdoors and indoors". The commands..........maybe you'll get there, maybe a short time each evening to give it a go.......maybe there's a training school somewhere in your area someone could take her to..............but otherwise it doesn't really matter that much does it?? If she's contented and pretty well behaved (mostly!!) that's alright isn't it??
And the walks.........well perhaps you could find someone to help with them?? I don't know your area but.........maybe a neighbor, putting an ad in a newsagents, school, college, local vets?? Needn't cost that much. Or some rescue centers have volunteers, maybe you could ask them to turn someone your way if you explain the situation?? And you could still give her some walks yourself as well, yes??
And where you can become just a little more engaged..........maybe start by scheduling in an extra 5 minutes in the evenings, although like I've said she might be content anyway.
And you're working on the cleaning anyway aren't you?? Maybe just have a think about what jobs are a priority, focus on them.........and the rest........just work on trying to fit them in when you can, they can wait a bit longer, right?? Try not to be too tough on yourself
Then just the family , maybe try to foresee some of the risks around and get some systems in place with them to/ask for them to agree on some guidelines???
Don't make any snap decisions about not keeping her though, it sounds like she's very important to you and that you love her a lot. Hope you can work something out.

Alison

I think it is the depression making you feel unecessarily guilty. You feel guilty right now because you think you don't look after your dog well enough. You would feel guilty if you decided not to keep her, it would be a forever decision that you couldn't change.

Lots of dogs eat stuff they are not meant to no matter how well cared for they are, it how vets get rich The last time my dog was ill and she was in the doggy ER, the dog in the next kennel belonged to a vet nurse and it had eaten pan scrubbers

You are doing a great job, play and grooming are very important for a dog's wellbeing. They bond with us and it our attention they want most of all. Sure they love to play with other dogs in the park but they feel a much stronger attachment to their "family". Dogs are very sensitive to our needs, so when she is lying quietly beside you it doesn't mean she is down or low, just that she knows that you need companionship and comfort.

Don't be too hard on yourself, I wouldn't get by without my dog and although she has missed a few walks, she is doing just great. I've never trained her beyond keeping clean in the house, sit and work on her recall. My vet always says she is one of the best behaved dogs she sees.

Taking care of your dog will help you in the long run, just posting about your concerns shows how important she is to you.

Hi Mayla

Think twice before giving your dog away. It sounds to me like you are a loving, good, responsible dog owner. The depression will tell you that you are not doing a good enough job taking care of her but that just is not true. From what I can tell you are doing an excellent job taking care of your dog.

Most dogs are happiest spending time with their "family." Believe it or not you are the most important person in your dog's life. I can tell by your post that you love her very much. She curls up beside you to sleep because she loves you and beside you is where she wants to be. Don't worry about being "the perfect" dog owner. You love your dog and take good care of her. The two of you can be best friends, and that is good.

Hello & Welcome, Mayla. I shared seven years of my depressed life with a mutant shepherd, investing scads of time in the relationship, which was fulfilling (as fulfilling as my condition and meds would allow). Depression never let me feel I was doing enough for him.

Please make yourself at home here.