[Steiner of Thule]

So.

I really wish I were dreaming right now. I enjoyed the one I had last night. It was very uh interesting.

...

I can't feel my limbs. People just aid to frustrate me lately. I can't connect at all. I finally went to get help with my problem of feeling unreal. Well sort of.

...

I'll start from the beginning. I went to see the general practitioner. I saw her last year and like always, she was incredibly attractive. She is really beautiful. Though that is not the point of this. Whatever *this* is. I just like to mention how hot she is because- SHE'S HOT.

I went to her and she actually remembered me which was nice. I've been told that they are supposed to remember people but I felt like she actually remembered me. Remembered how I used to look like a year ago. My attire. I actually felt even more attracted to her because of the idea that she actually remembered me. People seem to lack it nowadays. The ability to remember others. I was turned on.

*cough*

So I went to her and I didn't sleep last night really. (I couldn't fall asleep) Though before this I wrote down a thing because I knew I couldn't speak. I want to speak but I can't. It was a 5 page paper I wrote for her. In my appointment was my mom and her apprentice. She was about to prescribe me Zyprexa. Though I hadn't shown her the paper I had written. I was afraid to. My mom then mentioned I had written something. They all started to make it sound like I had written a cute appreciation letter or something.

I was afraid to hand the letter to her. For good reason too. It had a lot of stuff I was basically keeping inside that I didn't want to say.

I hesitated but eventually I gave it to her.

She looked over it, I don't think they expected it to be such a long letter. Eventually she said that it would be better that I go to some other place. An inpatient place. I was trying hard to NOT be inpatient. I managed to escape. They kept asking me so many questions. An entire day spent in there answering all these questions. When they let me go they made me have to see someone the next day at a super target. It had a starbucks in there.

I'm still not very sure of what is going on. So I went and it was like some lady which I sat with. We discussed some things. I forgot what we discussed. I think it was about outpatient places. Something something. Or something. I wasn't very clear at the time since I can't seem to stay in *this* world. I'm not very clear now actually either.

Long-story-Short

I feel ****ed.

[ascension21]

Derealisation really is ****, I know your reality becomes dream like and it’s hard to differentiate the 2. Then there's the effect on cognitive function, delayed reactions and memory loss. It's all caused by depression or anxiety or both, the mind switches to a safe mode so your not fully concious of the stress your reality causes you.

Sorry to hear about the doctor visit, hot medical professionals can be quite distracting. Do you mind sharing what some of that letter contained?

[Steiner of Thule]

I was just explaining my derealization. Some of the things I had done over the past year. Describing my inner feelings.