[jesusplay]

I sit alone in my single family home in silence, I like silence, it's one less thing to think about.

My bills are paid I have no unpaid debts.

I have no friends, no spouse.

Just me and my computer.

I feel this isolation helps my depression but at the same time I feel like something is missing.

Also at the same time I want all the things a normal 21 year old would want, but without all the stress, I can't handle stress, people are stress.

I care and I don't care, this life is a game and I'm staring at the screen without pausing letting the game do what it does.

I often wonder what death is like, I have been unconscious due to lack of oxygen to the brain twice and there was nothing and then I woke up.

I am nothing

[doyoutrustme]

I feel like that a lot; sometimes I feel like antidepressants are like life support for depressed people. It keeps you going but not really.

which just gave me a thought, maybe you need a med change and see if it changes anything for you?

[jesusplay]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

I feel like that a lot; sometimes I feel like antidepressants are like life support for depressed people. It keeps you going but not really.

which just gave me a thought, maybe you need a med change and see if it changes anything for you?

I'm running out of meds with no effect.

[Blues47]

Originally Posted by jesusplay

people are stress.

I hear ya. I try to confront that stress when it presents itself...it helps the façade but it doesn't get any easier.

I feel the same. I feel like there is no more that I really wish to accomplish in my life, but that's not because I accomplished a lot, I haven't all, I haven't even started living yet, I'm still 25! I've never been married, never had kids, never even had a job.

But, I just can't help to think this. Everywhere I go, I ask people what they think of me, they say I can have anything I want, I am that kind of guy. I can be as rich as I want, I can have the woman I want, I can have it all. They always say I just don't see that and that's my problem.

But, they are not right. I don't want those things. People keep saying you can do anything you put your mind to. But, what if you take the want out of wanting something? That's where I'm at. I don't want anything. I don't even know what has happened to me, how can any human want nothing, not even happiness? Nothing makes me happy. I know myself so well. If I were to be married, I won't be happy with that, If I were rich, I won't be happy with that, nothing makes me happy. What do I do? Am I even human after all then?

I have even searched for something to want, and found hundreds of ideas, but as time goes on I get bored with them and don't pursue them . I honestly feel dying is not a bad option for me. I'm not even really depressed, but this is starting to make me depressed now, because of the realization that I must have some kind of problem.

[Sprite22]

This is normal after an episode of depression. Hope you get to feeling better. I for one would not do well all alone like that. I am alone in the day but thank goodness I have a hubby that comes home.

[Creative1onder]

Hi. I feel like i'm living in a dark hole. I'm missing /lacking many things and people. I also feel i merely exist, not really alive, living real life. I have been through a lot of stresses, pain and suffering.

[Swabbingred]

Depression is when you are forced to look upon your life, and you don't like what you see. What don't you like that you see?

[Creative1onder]

Originally Posted by Swabbingred

Depression is when you are forced to look upon your life, and you don't like what you see. What don't you like that you see?

Depression is an illness resulting from stress and trauma. It tells us something is wrong, that needs addressing, and changing.

[Altered Moment]

The causes of depression are varied and complex and not well understood. I don't think either of the above statements can cover all the causes but are certainly true in some cases.

I always thought the below article was a good summation but it does focus more on biology. It does mention stress and trauma and other factors.

What causes depression? - Harvard Health Publications

[jesusplay]

Originally Posted by Swabbingred

Depression is when you are forced to look upon your life, and you don't like what you see. What don't you like that you see?

Nothing is wrong with my life except depression....I have a great life by other peoples standards.

Originally Posted by jesusplay

Nothing is wrong with my life except depression....I have a great life by other peoples standards.

Therein lies your answer! You have a great life by "other people's standards" - you have still not achieved what YOU have to achieve. Deep down in you, you feel there is so much more you want to attain, and the answers others have provided has still not satisfied that hunger .

Can you see what you say? You say nothing is wrong with your life except depression - WRONG! Depression is a RESULT of something being wrong with your LIFE. It is unto itself non-existent - it is a manifestation of deep problems, core issues remaining unresolved all this time. Whatever is wrong surfaces as depression when you can no longer simply "plaster the holes and cracks" (i.e. temporary management of little problems). It comes upon you when it is time to reinvent your life. What is most ironic about depression is, it is a illness that makes you resort to inaction! That's because any change is met with resistance, and the depression is a resistance to the inevitable change that MUST occur in your life.

You have made a huge breakthrough with that one line, I hope you realize that. Go and find your calling, it's waiting for you, eager to meet you finally! All the best!