[stupidreasons]

It seems like whenever I have bouts of depression I tend to get paranoid and have strange/distressing thoughts.

Lately my mind has been filled with images of people being murdered, raped, tortured, etc. I do not have any urge what so ever to do any of these things, it is the thought of these things that bother me. When these thoughts start bothering me, I read about terrorist attacks and serial killers hoping that by getting more information these thoughts won't bother me but they end up bothering me more. Sometimes I can't sleep at night.

This happens only when I have bouts of depression or right before I start to develop symptoms. This isn't the first time and the thoughts aren't always the same but they are always something distressing to me. Before they have included fears of asteroids, black holes, nuclear holocaust, terrorists, etc.

I guess my point and my question is What is this? Is this some sort of psychosis or something associated with depression. I have never heard of this before when reading about depression. I would really like to know more about why I always get like this. Thanks for taking the time to read all of that!

[Altered Moment]

There is definitely depression with psychosis. Look it up. I get it slightly when deeply depressed and get paranoid. Obsess on suicide. Think every car that goes by is the cops coming to get me. Stuff like that.
I think they call it depression with psychotic features. Mine is kind of borderline.

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