Rumination - How to Stop It/Stop Taking Things Personally?

hvert · Nov 06, 2014 at 08:22 AM

Does anyone have any practical tips about how to stop taking things personally? I find that I get worked up over stuff that I really shouldn't. I start to imagine negative outcomes based on perceived slights, but I often find that those outcomes were imaginary and the slight was unintentional and had nothing to do with me. Or someone might ask me to do something I don't want to do, and I obsess over the situation instead of just saying no and moving on.

I can spend hours of my day on activities related to these thoughts - like if I have a problem with X, I might write about it here, read ten pages of google results about other people who have had a similar problem, etc. It's really time consuming.

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you overcome it?

Amphiptere · Nov 06, 2014 at 08:27 AM

This is a lame answer, but the only thing that works at all for me is to find a way to focus on other things. Some days are better than others when it comes to that actually working.

Good luck. I hope someone else has a better answer.

hvert · Nov 06, 2014 at 09:03 AM

I think your answer is probably the right one -- it's sort of like asking how to lose weight-- there's not really any magical answer besides eating less

I need to start getting better at catching myself in the act and stopping it. I think that I have built up years and years of negative neural pathways.

Amphiptere · Nov 06, 2014 at 01:39 PM

You are by far not the only one. I am still, after years of therapy and medicine and work, still digging myself out of this bloody hole.

Hope it goes easier for you!

vital · Nov 06, 2014 at 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hvert

Does anyone have any practical tips about how to stop taking things personally? I find that I get worked up over stuff that I really shouldn't. I start to imagine negative outcomes based on perceived slights, but I often find that those outcomes were imaginary and the slight was unintentional and had nothing to do with me. Or someone might ask me to do something I don't want to do, and I obsess over the situation instead of just saying no and moving on.

I can spend hours of my day on activities related to these thoughts - like if I have a problem with X, I might write about it here, read ten pages of google results about other people who have had a similar problem, etc. It's really time consuming.

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you overcome it?

YES! I had this problem for a long long long long long long time but I eventually figured out exactly what to do.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

hvert · Nov 06, 2014 at 06:23 PM

That is really great! I am joining snap club (although it is slap club/thigh slapping club until I figure out a better substitute for snapping).

I found your essay extremely interesting. I have been very bothered this month by remembering what I was like 7 years ago - engaged, productive in many ways, highly social. I had an extremely stressful job, got burnt out, and have now reached a point where I fill my days with nothing and avoid making important decisions. A lot of what you describe, the passivity, describes what I have been doing for the past year.

Thank you for sharing this - I will definitely pass along this essay to others. I hope snap club takes off

waterknob1234 · Nov 06, 2014 at 07:32 PM

Hi hvert. You seem to be so much like me. I obsess over too many negative things. I also imagine negative outcomes on perceived slights. I get paranoid. I work in a very stressful job. I, too must learn how to rise above negativity. I like the idea of the snap club and I may give it a try. At the very least it can help to have some sense of control. I feel like that sense of control is missing in my life.

hvert · Nov 06, 2014 at 08:13 PM

What bothers me so much is that I know I'm doing something I don't want to do, but I keep doing it anyway. I want to just let this stuff roll off my back, the way 'normal' people do.

I left my stressful job, thinking that would make me happier. What I am realizing now is that I have the same reactions to every job I have... and I have just found new things to stress me out, only now I am not paid for them

I hope snap club works for us! I have made a lot of minor decisions tonight

kiwi33 · Nov 06, 2014 at 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hvert

Does anyone have any practical tips about how to stop taking things personally?

I think that "personalisation" as well as "mind-reading" (just "knowing",with no evidence, what another person may be thinking about you) are quite common in people who live with Major Depressive Disorder - they sure were for me.

It might help if you saw a clinical psychologist who has experience of using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with his/her clients. Essentially CBT entails learning how to notice what are called "Negative Automatic Thoughts" (NATs) - like personalisation and mind-reading - and then challenging them - asking "Is there any evidence for the validity of that NAT?" - almost always the answer is "No" and that can be empowering.

Learning how to use CBT methods, with help from my clinical psychologist, made a big difference to my recovery from Major Depressive Disorder - I recommend them.

hvert · Nov 08, 2014 at 07:30 AM

Thank you, that's another great suggestion. I did CBT as an undergrad and found it helpful to put some of my troubling thoughts to rest. It's time to dig out those books and take another crack at controlling this.

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Rumination - How to Stop It/Stop Taking Things Personally?

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hvert Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: US Posts: 4,889 10 3,790 hugs given	Nov 06, 2014 at 09:03 AM #3 I think your answer is probably the right one -- it's sort of like asking how to lose weight-- there's not really any magical answer besides eating less I need to start getting better at catching myself in the act and stopping it. I think that I have built up years and years of negative neural pathways.
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Amphiptere Junior Member Member Since Nov 2014 Location: Europe Posts: 21 9	Nov 06, 2014 at 01:39 PM #4 You are by far not the only one. I am still, after years of therapy and medicine and work, still digging myself out of this bloody hole. Hope it goes easier for you! __________________ "You can't reason yourself back into cheerfulness any more than you can reason yourself into an extra six inches in height." - Stephen Fry
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hvert Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: US Posts: 4,889 10 3,790 hugs given	Nov 08, 2014 at 07:30 AM #10 Thank you, that's another great suggestion. I did CBT as an undergrad and found it helpful to put some of my troubling thoughts to rest. It's time to dig out those books and take another crack at controlling this.
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