Any advices on what to do ?

Hello all, I just registered on this forum in need of some opinions from people
who are experiencing similar thing that I do.

In high school I had my first experience of depression. It started all of the sudden
during the winter. Everything just suddenly started feeling heavier and foggy.
I suddenly felt isolated and started thinking about every single thing that I've
done wrong and I've a lot of meaning to it. Some things that would in normal times
just go through my head and didn't mean anything much to me now became very serious.
It is like I suddenly started having much stronger emotional response to every little thing,
and those things that worried me a little through life now started worrying me 1000 times more,
and my days were consumed in feelings of sadness, guilt, being different and so.

However, that period would lift after a couple of weeks. It happened maybe three times, and
always in the winter. In addition to that, not long before I had the first taste of depression
I started having random repetitive thoughts about virtually anything that I find in any way
important, from things that I am interested in, obligations, to things that worry me, and especially those.
At that time, I didn't know what it is but later after describing what I feel on internet
I've noticed that those are the symptoms of OCD. I went to talk about it all, and doc told me
I was depressed, and I have signs of OCD thinking patterns.

The good thing was that I never felt lack of interest or anhedonia, except for a short periods of time.

After I read and talked about depression and obsessive thoughts I felt I have things under control,
because it is much easier to live when you know that you have a condition that many other people have,
and that you know what it is.

But two years ago depression hit me again, and it again happened in one day during the winter.
That combined with obsessivenes made all the ugly things from life or things
that could worry you but you normally don't give them attention and they are stored somewhere deep, come to surface, and made them suddenly
the things you spend days ruminating about. This time, that 'heavy' period lasted longer than
it did before, and I started getting a lot of muscle tension in my upper back, back of my head, and
I could even feel my ear is tense. I would get that tension especially when I was thinking about something,
even positive things, but especially negative ones. When I was younger I would also feel a slight tension in the back of my head,
when really nervous, but now it encompassed even my back, became 10 times stronger, and non stop. At the same time I also started
feeling lack of emotions to things. During my whole life, I was always very passionate about everything
that I liked, from music, movies, cars, sports. It was easy to stimulate my mind and make a response.
Now, for more than a year and a half I lost much of it. For example, if I saw a car that I like, before I
would feel good just because I was able to see it, and when I would get home I would google it, read about it,
download photos, and now when I see it the reaction in my head is just something like 'Hey, cool car'
and that's about it. That's how it is now about almost everything. I haven't even changed my wallpaper for months.
If the pleasure I felt for things was 10/10 before, now it is 3/10. Things that I looked forward to before, like traveling, are still kind
of cool now, but if I have a trip planned I won't be anticipating it as remotely as before, and if
for whatever reason it cancels I won't feel too bad really. It's like I got desinstized to all the simple pleasures,
and now I have to aim for something really high and constantly be doing something so that I feel any of the old emotions.

I'm a very active person, and have a lot of friends, despite of how I am feeling constantly, but I start to think
of what's the point in all of it, friends, goal achievements, when you can't really enjoy it properly.
Getting tired much earlier than before, feeling numb and unmotivated, acommpanied by non-stop day to day tension in the
upper part of my body is really making me question what to do. I was on Cipralex for some time, and it
together with doctor explaining me some things, made most of the thoughts that worried me now unimportant
or of much lesser importance, but the constant tension that I feel and numbness are still there, and
have been there for really long time. Now I feel as if to every thought that stimulates me(not only bad, even positive thoughts) my back starts to tense up
and I get very small emotional response to it. I really want to try to get my old self back, but I don't know what to do.
I'm still moving toward my goals, being active and meeting up with friends, but it is like now I function almost completely on
willpower without natural motivation. It's like moving through the mud, not stopping, but you don't see where it ends.

I am sorry for such a long post, but I didn't know how to make it shorter but still with enough information to describe
what's going on. Any of you experienced or experiencing the same thing, and do you have any advices to give,
because this doesn't seem like it will just go by itself. It might happen, but I'm not counting on it.

Thank you.

Is there a way you can go to mental health clinic and get a thorough evaluation? Tell them all you told us. I mean like a two hour process not with a regular doctor but a phychologist and a nurse. Blood tests and all that.

Not 15 minutes with a psychiatrist and walk out with a med. at the end of the above process you may see a psychiatrist and talk about meds.

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Thanks for the reply. I've talked to psychiatrists for a few times this year, and he didn't seem very concerned. I am active, and focused on goals, and he was satisfied when I told him that I don't feel that 'heaviness' as before, with all the negative thoughts, being hypersensitive and having an overly strong emotional response to everything. However, the problem is that I am now left with constant emotional numbness that I feel and anxiety with its physical symptoms. It just became a regular part of my life, and that worries me a lot, since it doesn't seem to have tendency to go away by itself. He said that i will go away, but it has been like that for more than a year with no changes, so I can't make myself to be to optimistic about it.