[theSI]

Hello people of the psyche central intelligence group, I've brought myself here to this sight because I've been struggling mightily with depression and thoughts of suicide. This year started off great but got turbulent real fast for me and my family, car troubles, job troubles, money troubles, relationship issues are the story of my life. Currently me my wife and 3 children are living with her mother because she just had foot and hip surgery and my father is living in our home in the meantime because he fell on hard times and needs somewhere to live.

I got laid off around September, my wife works two jobs now, I'm in online college and also homeschooling her daughter (my stepchild but i consider her my own child since I've raised her since she was 4 she's 9 now) and I'm stressed beyond my limits. Just me being on this website is proof enough for me that I'm completely off the cliff...I've dealt with depression since I was a child and it was never recognized and dealt with, I didn't even realize I suffered with this until I grew up.

I constantly have feelings of worthlessness and like I'm a waste of great potential. I won't lie I'm very bitter about how my life has turned out thus far, I'm only 25 but yet I feel as if I'm old as dirt. I feel like i'm completely detached from who I am as a person and relegated to a shell of my former self. I don't have the sense of humor and easy going side of me anymore, I'm a leo and to feel like this is just shameful. I don't even know how to talk to anyone about my feelings because I don't want to burden anyone with my issues.

My wife knows what I go through but I choose not to discuss these things with her because she has enough on her plate and I know she worries herself sick about me and I don't wanna add to it by always telling her how ****** I'm feeling. I have so much frustration and aggression built up inside of me but yet I have no outlet, I'm hardly out of the house because I have serious responsibilities on my shoulders so extra curricular activities are pretty much out of the question. I could go on and on but I think I'm going to stop here it's only my first day on here and I'm not one to lay it all out so fast....whoever read this thanks for your time because you could've easily bypassed this.

[kaliope]

hi
have you thought of trying therapy? that will give you somebody to talk to guilt free who can give you coping skills to work thru depression and help you build selfesteem

[theSI]

I have once this year but since i lost my job no health insurance kept me at bay i cant afford it...i went to rescue crisis a few years ago and got help but i dont have health insurance i cant afford anything right now.