my dad

therealme · Mar 13, 2007, 07:58 AM

we moved into the country, miles away from any family, and to be honest i was starting to get used to the idea of life in the country.
then i went outside today to have a smoke and downstairs talking to our neighbour is my dad, (my real dad) i havent seen him for a good few years, he left my mum when i was 2.
i have spoking to him back when i was 16, but nothing since then.
now im torn, do i say hi or do i walk past and hope he doesnt see me.

lenjan · Mar 13, 2007, 09:14 AM

That's a tough one. You can probably make a case for either reaction. my dad

((((hugs)))) I don't know what I would do, to be honest, so I don't have any great words of advice besides follow your heart.

Candy

therealme · Mar 13, 2007, 01:30 PM

thank you candybear, i am going to walk on by.
it has been to many years, to bring up old bad memories.
when i was born he ran, maybe he was to young or something, when i was two ( acording to my mum ) he throw me across the room because i was in the way of the door, and he wanted to leave .
i never knew who he was untill i was about 13-14. when his dad died (my grandad), i went to the wake, and had a talk with my dad, the talk was my dad asking " do you smoke ? do you drink ?"....when i said no, he asked ...." would you like a smoke and a beer"
then when i was 16+ he stopped in the street and asked if i had a job? i thought he was going to offer me a job , but i was wrong, he just wanted to know if i had any money.
i want nothing to do with him, he may be my real dad but he never brought me up, he never cared. my step dad is my real dad as far as im concerned

jefftele · Mar 13, 2007, 04:18 PM

i agree that the dad who brought you up and loved you is your dad ,the difference is biological its as simple or as difficult as that.i had a tortured relationship with my dad ,he didn't want me, he wanted a girl,whatever i did was wrong etc....... i HATED him till i was around 39 years old ,i then made the discovery that my hatred wasn't really hatred it was the flip slip--sadness and longing ,this took me a long time to adjust to.i now see that he is a man with his problems he was an inadequate father and the way i healed myself was by beginning to love him in spite of his weaknesses,in turn i now have a good relationship with him.not saying this will work for everyone but it helped me.

therealme · Mar 14, 2007, 07:16 AM

thank you (((((((((jefftele))))))))))
your words have opened my eyes , this man who is my biological dad may have problems , and for that reason i am going to stay away from him even more....... as i dont think my problems or his could handle a meeting just now.
as im not sure if i would be able to keep my temper down, when i ask that question !!! " why did you turn your back on me? " that last thing i need is the police knocking at my door

cajun · Mar 14, 2007, 09:07 AM

I can only speak for myself, but I would want to say Hi. Don't know your circumstances though. Just my nature I guess.

cajun · Mar 14, 2007, 09:11 AM

After reading the rest of your statements in the thread I have changed my opinion. I think I would probably walk on by. You owe this man nothing.

Perna · Mar 14, 2007, 10:42 AM

I think I'd want to know how it came about that he's there out in the middle of nowhere in your exact building? I'd talk to my mum and see what the connection is, make sure she's not tangled with him again, etc.? I'd get as many people "around me" aware of my feelings and try to balance myself regarding him in that way.

therealme · Mar 14, 2007, 06:31 PM

hi perna
im living in a apartment building in a little village in the middle of nowhere, i live here with my wife and four children. i think the reason he is hanging around is due to my neighbour (think he fancy's her)
i dont think my mum knows any more then me, when i told her that he was around , she asked "what did that b**t**d want?" so i think its a safe bet she doesnt feel anything for him, ( apart from hatred )
he was here again today, we were coming home this evening from the shops (5 miles away) and we followed him down the road. i still dont think he knows it's me. when we parked our car , right next to his, we turned our lights off and stayed in the car untill he had gone into our neighbours apartment. this man is making me ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.