Daily Check In — Ups and Downs Thread 13

TheOriginalMe · Feb 03, 2015 at 06:55 PM

Still no progress on making an appointment to speak to my Head of Service, tomorrow is the last chance really.

I wish the right course of action would become apparent.

angelene · Feb 03, 2015 at 08:00 PM

The sadness and grief continue...

dillpickle1983 · Feb 03, 2015 at 08:01 PM

I was up.

SeekerOfLife · Feb 03, 2015 at 09:43 PM

My depression has abated due to a vigorous exercise session

Feb 03, 2015 at 10:05 PM

Switching between sadness/weeping......to anger.

Nammu · Feb 03, 2015 at 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambivalent13

Switching between sadness/weeping......to anger.

Me too. ..

LindaLu · Feb 03, 2015 at 11:30 PM

I couldn't keep everyone happy today. Not even close. Now realizing that people pleasing is like a dog chasing its tail. Except not so funny for anyone involved

Sunflower123 · Feb 04, 2015 at 01:08 AM

Made it to therapy yesterday. Always makes me feel better. Hopeful for the future.

tigerlily84 · Feb 04, 2015 at 01:22 AM

I finally filled my prescription after work. After that, I was on a roll and bought stuff that I have been meaning to get like shampoo and conditioner, and I even bought some makeup. I feel like dressing up. And I made pasta for dinner. I'm not much of a cook but I was pretty proud of myself for doing all of that. I hope this continues for tomorrow.

tz90 · Feb 04, 2015 at 06:01 AM

Feeling pretty fk'n terrible, as I remembered what kind of horrible person I am. That's just what I need when there's stressful times coming up. At least I'm not that sick anymore.

Feb 04, 2015 at 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeekerOfLife

My depression has abated due to a vigorous exercise session

This happens to me too, SeekerOfLife. Isn't it great when that happens?

Feb 04, 2015 at 09:46 AM

Having another day of feeling okay, so this is the third day in a row. Still not entirely sure why all last week I just didn't want to get out of bed and face the world and now I'm okay. Maybe increasing my lamictal dose to 100 mg last Thursday has helped? Whatever the reason, I'll take it!

herethennow · Feb 04, 2015 at 10:02 AM

----------trigger warning---------------

saw pdoc a few hours ago. i couldnt bring myself to tell him about my ultimate plans of sui. that i am trying to make it as foolproof as possible...
i am tired of everything. i dont feel like continuing on with this battle anymore.

i don't know why i just keep doing - it's like as if i am running on autopilot mode. i don't see any meaning to what i am doing anymore. sure i may be high functioning, but i just dont know why i keep doing things. i just want to drop everything and retreat to bed for once.

regretful · Feb 04, 2015 at 10:20 AM

What a bittersweet day today is for me...I'm sad about leaving a business that my wife and I own together; though I'll be active in it behind the scenes, leaving her with all the day to day responsibility makes me sad for so many reasons...Depression is hanging around in the shadows for me right now...I'll have to keep positive in this transition. My worries are that the last time I tried this adventure, I was able to keep things good for a year, and then depression hit - HARD ... I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers as you (and I) struggle to live with this horrible affliction.

Turtlesoup · Feb 04, 2015 at 12:21 PM

So I'm just all over the place the last couple of days-been a while since I had this going on. Was giddy/manic then depressed & had a long crying spell

trigger warning(also some self harm thoughts) then OMG so irritable-big sigh. Called my tdoc for phone support for the first time which was really hard to do but it helped & I felt proud of myself for doing that (even though that evil part of my brain is yelling "your so weak for doing that"). See my pdoc next week for med adjustments so I'm sure we will increase the Depakote. Good luck to all here as we go out & face what today will bring us.

Espresso · Feb 04, 2015 at 01:41 PM

I'm having a very depressed day. I don't know why. I feel horribly depressed. Usually, I wouldn't describe my issues as "having depression", but today is undeniably depression. Sigh.

tigersassy · Feb 04, 2015 at 01:50 PM

Posted this in bipolar forum but did here too.
So had a therapist appointment today. I just out and out asked her off she thought I was bipolar she's been seeing me since November and she doesn't think I am. She thinks that the mania they thought I was experiencing was really part of the way my PTSD effects me. She said I might have borderline personality, but she doesn't know. She wants me to research and see if I fit then we'll discuss. Oh and she's leaving the practice where I see her, her last day is March 4th. However she has a private practice and I'm following her because she's the only person recently that I've been able to open up to professional wise. Hopeful that I'm moving forward. Since my appt this morning I feel a lot better. We touched on something that I haven't really talked about before that got put on the shelf after it happened but my cancer treatment changed that position. Forward movement. Yay! So happy about this. Now waiting on hematology appt. Hopefully good news. Fingers crossed.

einsam · Feb 04, 2015 at 03:54 PM

I hate waiting on e-mails. I expect to be ignored or quickly dismissed by my potential mentors in this field, but there's no telling so soon...

Quote:

Originally Posted by herethennow

----------trigger warning---------------

saw pdoc a few hours ago. i couldnt bring myself to tell him about my ultimate plans of sui. that i am trying to make it as foolproof as possible...
i am tired of everything. i dont feel like continuing on with this battle anymore.

i don't know why i just keep doing - it's like as if i am running on autopilot mode. i don't see any meaning to what i am doing anymore. sure i may be high functioning, but i just dont know why i keep doing things. i just want to drop everything and retreat to bed for once.

Sometimes autopilot is all we have to get us to the next day, the next week, or the next month... definitely been there.

Bark · Feb 04, 2015 at 04:04 PM

Depressed.

Nammu · Feb 04, 2015 at 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by herethennow

----------trigger warning---------------

saw pdoc a few hours ago. i couldnt bring myself to tell him about my ultimate plans of sui. that i am trying to make it as foolproof as possible...
i am tired of everything. i dont feel like continuing on with this battle anymore.

i don't know why i just keep doing - it's like as if i am running on autopilot mode. i don't see any meaning to what i am doing anymore. sure i may be high functioning, but i just dont know why i keep doing things. i just want to drop everything and retreat to bed for once.

Have you tried writing down how you feel and your plans then you can just hand that to your Pdoc and either wait for him to read it or tell him you'll wait in the other room.

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Daily Check In — Ups and Downs Thread 13

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TheOriginalMe Out of Order Member Since Feb 2014 Location: England Posts: 15,864 (SuperPoster!) 10 17.6k hugs given	Feb 03, 2015 at 06:55 PM #801 Still no progress on making an appointment to speak to my Head of Service, tomorrow is the last chance really. I wish the right course of action would become apparent.

angelene Veteran Member Member Since Oct 2014 Location: US Posts: 698 10 1,753 hugs given	Feb 03, 2015 at 08:00 PM #802 The sadness and grief continue... __________________ * Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia * Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder * Hoarder * Fibromyalgia * Major Depressive Disorder w/ Recurrent Major Depressive Episodes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I exist here. I must learn to walk in this world."

dillpickle1983 Grand Poohbah Member Since Jan 2011 Location: Warren, Pennsylvania Posts: 1,706 13 263 hugs given	Feb 03, 2015 at 08:01 PM #803 I was up. __________________

SeekerOfLife Legendary Member Since Jul 2013 Location: Foothills, where I belong Posts: 14,593 (SuperPoster!) 11 4,064 hugs given	Feb 03, 2015 at 09:43 PM #804 My depression has abated due to a vigorous exercise session

Anonymous100171 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 03, 2015 at 10:05 PM #805 Switching between sadness/weeping......to anger.

LindaLu Poohbah Member Since Nov 2014 Location: United States Posts: 1,212 10 376 hugs given	Feb 03, 2015 at 11:30 PM #807 I couldn't keep everyone happy today. Not even close. Now realizing that people pleasing is like a dog chasing its tail. Except not so funny for anyone involved

Sunflower123 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jan 2015 Location: USA Posts: 26,557 (SuperPoster!) 9 95k hugs given	Feb 04, 2015 at 01:08 AM #808 Made it to therapy yesterday. Always makes me feel better. Hopeful for the future.

tigerlily84 Poohbah Member Since Aug 2012 Location: Over there Posts: 1,320 12 3,546 hugs given	Feb 04, 2015 at 01:22 AM #809 I finally filled my prescription after work. After that, I was on a roll and bought stuff that I have been meaning to get like shampoo and conditioner, and I even bought some makeup. I feel like dressing up. And I made pasta for dinner. I'm not much of a cook but I was pretty proud of myself for doing all of that. I hope this continues for tomorrow.

tz90 Member Member Since Dec 2014 Location: Germany Posts: 74 9 143 hugs given	Feb 04, 2015 at 06:01 AM #810 Feeling pretty fk'n terrible, as I remembered what kind of horrible person I am. That's just what I need when there's stressful times coming up. At least I'm not that sick anymore.

Anonymous37807 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 04, 2015 at 09:46 AM #812 Having another day of feeling okay, so this is the third day in a row. Still not entirely sure why all last week I just didn't want to get out of bed and face the world and now I'm okay. Maybe increasing my lamictal dose to 100 mg last Thursday has helped? Whatever the reason, I'll take it!

Espresso Poohbah Member Since Dec 2013 Location: United States Posts: 1,432 10 368 hugs given	Feb 04, 2015 at 01:41 PM #816 I'm having a very depressed day. I don't know why. I feel horribly depressed. Usually, I wouldn't describe my issues as "having depression", but today is undeniably depression. Sigh.

Bark Poohbah Member Since Oct 2008 Location: PsychCentral Posts: 1,185 16 8,255 hugs given	Feb 04, 2015 at 04:04 PM #819 Depressed.