[tryingtobehopefull]

Every morning I awake feeling just a little hopeful and optimistic with myself.. but as the day progresses into night, I go downhill very rapidly. It used to scare me very much cause my feelings and thoughts changed so drastically...This has been going on as long as i can remember.. from a child who could never go to bed when told to.. My parents thought i was being obstinate and i was scolded frequently.. i remember junior high on.. having to do all my chores, practicing my violin, (forget homework, i wouldn't do it regardless) then when i worked, everytime at the end of my shift i'd go to clock out and just as soon as i hit the clock out button.. BAMM, i became a totally different person.. my cashier role/identity was gone.. and I was alone, afraid, lost and soo confused.. I would drift from store to store and mall to mall to not feel so alone. Even tho i was around people at the malls and stores , i felt a part of noone, nowhere.. Today, even tho I feel the same, i just try to accept it.. and my horrendous food binges sort of fill up that utter lostness and fear inside... After I purge, i collapse in bed ..when i awake its a new day, a new me.. for a few hours anyway...

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central, tryingtobehopeful, sorry to feel the anxiety and aloneness that prompts you to overeat.

There are some articles you may find helpful.
Eating Disorders - Forums at Psych Central

Anxiety, Panic and Phobias - Forums at Psych Central

Some articles that might be of interest at PC
Psych Central - Search results for Eating disorders