[prettyjolie]

i really don't know what to do..

yesterday, i had a terrible day. I didnt even know if i was going to make it through the freaking day.
Later, my mom came home from work, really depressed.
She said that the guy that came over to check our house that morning ruined ther day and she felt like crap.
She told me she felt like crying about nothing.. then she started crying..
i felt the same way, but i didn't say anything.
Then, she said she was afraid.. i asked her why. She told me that she was scared of how low she felt.. and that she was afraid of getting so low and so depressed that she would commit suicide.
I didn't know what to say.

that scares me. She is so mentally unstable.. my dad told me that he's afraid that one day she's just gonna lose it and kill him.. or us.

what am I supposed to do about this? it's like an adult asking a stupid child(me) what to do..
i don't know! i'm as lost as she is, she just doesn't know it.
And I can't tell her.. She never understands me and my problems.. that is not an option.

but what do i do?
i'm scared.
She also asked me yesterday if I remembered having a bad childhood and if she mistreated me. I told her no.. because i don't reallly think so.. but she wasn't that nice to me, she's never been,
Sometimse i think she's jealous of how well i get along with my dad.. and how much he loves me.
i dont know..
Sometimes i blame her for all my anxiety/depression problems.. they are hereditary. Plus, she makes me so unhappy.. i do love her though.

i feel like giving up. what can i do to make her feel better when i can't even get myself to feel better?

anything...

I feel bad for my dad/brother.. they have to live with two psychos..

this is hopeless.

[Rebel_in_need999]

I want to tell you that i have the exactly same problem.My mother is depressed,in a very serious condition.I dont know what i have,but it must be depression.She doesn't want to see a doctor and she acts like a 10 year old kid.She always pisses me off and breaks my nerves.I'm in pressure all the time and she makes the pressure rise.When i tell her something that irritates her,she starts ccrying and tells me not to speak to her again.She doesn't work,so she is always in the house.I see her miserable face every day.Yes i surely know how you feel and i'd like to say to you that if you need anything,i;m here to support you.And something else.Have you or your mother talked to an expert?I believe he is really gonna help you.Don't be like me.Try it.My parents think i'm joking.

[Direction]

It is a very trying situation to be in...UGH!

BTW your not "psychos"

I was in a marriage for 10 years - we both had issues to deal with that were better off done on our own.

Just a thought make sure you and your mom have an emergency call list - with each other not included. If your feeling bad you don't need to hear about issues.

[Juliana]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through this. My mum had some mental problems (paranoia) when I was a teenager and I often felt like I had to be the mother to her. She asked me for advice, and like you, I didn't have all the answers and she got upset when I disagreed with her or told her I thought she was being irrational. It was overwhelming. I was a kid and I had my own depression to deal with, but I didn't tell her how I felt because I was afraid she wouldn't be able to handle it. I can also relate to your feeling that she might be jealous of your relationship with you dad.

There's nothing you can do to "fix" your mum. I know it's SO hard. It's not in your power to make her feel better. That will have to come from inside of her. Is your mum being treated for her depression? Does she want help? Maybe the next time she starts unburdening herself on you, you could tell her that you just can't handle it and you think she really needs to talk about those things with a professional. Tell her you love her and you want her to get well, but you can't make her well.

Have you confided in your dad about how you feel? Have you told him you're scared? I finally had that conversation with my dad when I was 16 and it really did help. He put a stop to my mum leaning on me and venting to me so much. I had been keeping EVERYTHING to myself and it was a relief to have someone else know what I was going through and it made me feel less alone.

Are you in therapy? Do you have someone to talk to about all this stuff? You need someone to help you. It sounds like right now it's hard for you to focus on improving your own health because you have to be so focused on what's going on with your mum all the time. You need to be free to make yourself a priority.

Reach out for help. Vent here, talk to your dad, talk to a therapist or a doctor or a counsellor.

Please don't give up. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but there is hope. Things can get better. Things changed for the better in my family and I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents now.

P.S. I inherited my depression from my dad and I don't blame him for that because I know it's not his fault. He also never put me in the position that your mum puts you in... He never put me in the position of feeling like I had to take care of him. He had support from friends and siblings, so he didn't unburden everything on his children. We talk to each other about our depression, but it's a positive thing; we share our feelings. I hope that someday you and your mum can have a similar relationship -- where knowledge of one another's depression can make you feel closer. Boundaries are necessary for that kind of relationship, though. Your mum needs to realize that she can't lean on you to fix her problems.

[prettyjolie]

first of all, thanks for your replies.

Rebel 999, yeah, my mom and your mom sound a lot alike.
She pisses me off too, and I can't stand her half the time.. no wait. MOST of the time.. We are always arguing and she goes off on me about pretty much nothing.
The other day, she was in my room running on my treadmill, I wanted to go to sleep cuz i had just gotten home from work. she told me to just go to bed, but I couldn't because it stank in there.. lol so I told her that, just like she always tells me that i stink when i work out.. She got SOO mad that i swear I thought she was going to punch me or something. She totally overreacted about something that didnt even matter that much.. She ALWAYS does this.
I'm sorry you see your mom all day.. so do I.. she only works 4 hrs per day, she isn't able to work anymore than that.. So now that Im not in school anymore and I work so little, I spend waaay too much time with her.. it sucks.

It isn't that she doesn't want to see a doctor/help, but she doesn't want to take medication.. she already takes tons of other drugs (for cancer, diabetes,etcc) and her liver/body can't handle anthing more.
She used to see a doctor, who didn't offer much help, and i think she just doesn't think it'll help her.

I feel bad now, saying that I blame my mom for my problems.. i really didn't mean that, i was just having the worst day ever.
She does cause me a lot of stress and anger.. and we don't get along. I know it's not her fault that I feel like this, but she certainly doesn't help my situation.

I am going to start therapy in may (4th, i think).. im so glad because i dont know what else to do about this.
im not going there for depression but i guess for anxiety. I went to the doctor for chest pain and other things and she said it sounded like I had anxiety attacks..
so i dont know if the doctor is going to be focused on only that..

Juliana, Im glad you could talk to your dad.. but i don't think that I would be able to.He is not very open with feelings, he wasn't brought up to show love, which is really sad.. he isn't like that with me but it took him almost my whole life to finally be able to say "i love you" to me, directly.

I feel really alone sometimes because i really dont have anyone to talk to. My "best friend" is very unsupportive and all she cares about is herself.. i dont confide in her anyway..

well, i think that's long enough..lol

thanxxx a bunch

[Juliana]

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prettyjolie said:
Juliana, Im glad you could talk to your dad.. but i don't think that I would be able to.He is not very open with feelings, he wasn't brought up to show love, which is really sad.. he isn't like that with me but it took him almost my whole life to finally be able to say "i love you" to me, directly.

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My dad was the same way. He was brought up in an abusive home so he wasn't comfortable expressing emotion. He never hugged us or told us he loved us when we were children. I knew he loved us, though, by the things he did. I could always tell that he DID care. It was very, very hard for me to get up the nerve to talk to him about how I was feeling and what was going on with mum. He responded very well, though, and afterwards I was relieved and I felt somewhat unburdened.

So, even though your dad may not express his emotions well, I'm sure he cares deeply about you and loves you with all his heart. It might be hard for you to have a conversation with him about how you feel, but his response might surprise you. You might find that it brings you even closer.

By the way, my dad is much more open now. He hugs me every time he sees me and tells me he loves me every time we talk on the phone. I owe it all to Oprah. LOL. Seriously. My dad started watching Oprah years ago and he learned to be more affectionate and to express his feelings to the people he loves.

I'm glad you're going to start therapy. You need to talk to someone about everything you're going through. You're in a tough place. ((((prettyjolie))))

[prettyjolie]

OPRAH...
She's freaking AMAZING!! lol and yeah, I believe that he learned that from her.. She does that to poeple, she changed them..
i love oprah.. lol
ANYWAYS..

my dad was brought up that way too.. nobody in his life ever showed him that they loved him and he was the one out of all his siblings that was the most mistreated.
i dont even get it, my dad is amazing... but anyway, i think you're right.
He does care about me, and he might be suppportive. He know how much my mother drives me crazy and how frustrating living with her is.

Now, i'm thinking he may be the person to talk to about my mom. He is the only that she treats like she treats me.. that made no sense.. ok. What i mean is that he's as mean to him as she is to me..

i am scared but im gonna try it. Hopefully, this will help me and to deal with her better and see what my dad suggests doing..
thanks juliana. Knowing that someone else has been in that type of situation and got out of it helps..

i cant wait for therapy.. i was scared before because i didnt want to take medication because of side effects and having to depend on them forever, but now I really dont care.
I want medication if thats whats going to help make this go away..

[Rebel_in_need999]

Sounds to me that we really have the same problems!Good luck with your medication and treatment.Let us know if your gettin better.