[quasar2He4]

As I look into depression I find that many people have had pretty traumatic experiences that triggered their depression. Divorce, death, bullying, abuse, low self-esteem: it seems as if most depressed people have problems such as these. But mine just came out of the blue, and the doctors haven't found any chemical imbalance that could have caused my depression.
It just sort of happened. One day I guess I just woke up feeling not-so-great, and it spiraled down from there. I began to withdraw from most social activities and stopped talking to my friends- at the end of the semester I hadn't eaten lunch with my friends in over three weeks. By now there's really only one friend left that I have to talk to and I feel as if I can't bring up my depression to her because she cares so much that it hurts her as well. But back to the point. I began cutting for the temporary relief it provided from my overwhelming amount of thoughts and feelings and it's been getting worse over time. I've also been having more and more suicidal thoughts and during a particularly bad week that translated to 6 near-attempts (as in actually having everything in hand to go through with it and having serious thoughts about suicide). I've been experiencing anhedonia, difficulty concentrating, frequent bouts of crying, and other of the typical signs of depression, but I can't find a reason. I just started questioning existence I suppose and it went downhill from there.
However, this makes me feel horribly guilty because what reason do I have to be depressed? The more I think about it the more I believe that this is somehow my brain subconsciously making an excuse for myself to gain the sympathy of others. Other people have gone through so much and here I am with a perfectly happy (albeit pretty stressed- thought that's mostly because I have difficulty coping with stress) life, depressed and lazy and suicidal for absolutely no reason. My grades have dropped because I haven't been completing or even starting on homework (although that was a pretty normal occurrence before) and I've found it difficult to focus during class (even more so than usual) because of the amount of negative emotions I felt. I thought that maybe it would get better since I'm now on break, but I was only able to stop cutting for about 5 days and then I started again. The lack of focus due to emotions has been overwhelming even without any obligations- most days I just stay in my room jumping between tabs on the internet searching for more information about why I feel the way I do.
I have been clinically diagnosed with depression and am in therapy, but that hasn't really helped because I'm not any closer to figuring out the cause of my depression, which makes me feel worse when I remember how many people are even worse off than I am.
Could there be any other reasons why I feel this way? Has anyone else had a sudden onset of depression without any reason, psychological or otherwise?

[Crazy Hitch]

Quasar

There's no blood test or scan that would pick up your chemical imbalance.

You have no reason to feel guilty.

I can't feel guilty with my bipolar when I'm depressed or manic.

I have a chemical imbalance that no physical test through bloods would pick up.

I'm with Hooligan. I have a chemical imbalance that results in me being depressed for no particular reason. So do tons of people on this site. If someone has bipolar disorder or major depressive disorder or just a case a "clinical depression," depression can exist -- even severe depression - - with no trigger per se.

If you have a chemical imbalance you may benefit from medication. You may want to consider seeing a psychiatrist, and a counselor/therapist to help you deal with your depression. Best of luck.

[BBB2]

I don't know what you'll make of this article, but it tries to give an alternative explanation to the cause of endogenous depression.
The True Cause of Depression | Psychology Today
You should not feel guilty for being unwell. Depression is like any other illness in which we have no control over our developing it. Remember, it causes profound changes in our thinking and perception of the world, including making us feel guilty.

[waterknob1234]

Hello and welcome to pc. Don't feel guilty about suffering from depression. It is an illness, just like heart disease, or any other illness. Sometimes I think guilt goes along with depression. The important thing is that you get the help you need, perhaps from a psychiatrist, and/or therapist. Medication may help as well. Best of wishes to you.

[Frankbtl]

Hi quasar, I'm sorry things have been so hard for you
Depression can be just as severe whether you've had trauma in your life or not, so please don't feel guilty about talking about what's going on for you, in fact it's good that you're speaking out about/sharing with us the way you've been feeling!!!
And you've found a great place to do that, lots of really understanding and supportive people on here. You're not alone
Now you know that you've withdrawn from things/friends/activities, which can be completely "normal" with depression, but do you think there's a chance you might be able to step just a little back into those things/seeing your friends??? Maybe you could get a little support from those friends as well??? If that's hard right now though that's OK.........maybe a family member you could talk to???
Although if you feel the thoughts about suicide could lead to actions please get some immediate help, hey?? Whether that's from a crisisline, hotline or pdoc............just someone, hey??
Now the therapy you're in is good, but maybe it's focusing on the wrong things if a big part is about finding the cause..........because if it is a chemical imbalance.........trying to "talk yourself out of" that is so unlikely...........but therapy might help you with some coping techniques, a focus on self-care, goal setting, and with managing the SI a little better...........things like that. Perhaps worth talking to your T about how unhelpful it's seeming to you??
And you didn't mention medication?? For plenty of people that can be a corner stone in helping them make real use of other things/strategies in gradual recovery.........it doesn't necessarily have to be a permanent thing either........so do you think you could perhaps talk to your doctor about that??
Anyway, welcome to PC!!! And thank you again for sharing with us, please don't feel hesitant in carrying on telling it as it is/reaching for support........you matter just as much as anyone else!!
And you might want to drop in on this forum for SI too:
Self Injury - Forums at Psych Central
Again lots of really understanding and supportive people on there.

Alison

[annoyedgrunt84]

Any mental illness is tricky to diagnose and treat because doctors and therapists have to rely solely on patient reports of their symptoms. There is no "test" per se other than verbal questionares. I've also heard depression in particular referred to as "The common cold" of mental illnesses, I would presume because so many people will go through at least one bout of Major Depression in their lives. It gets even fuzzier when you start considering how many mental illnesses/personality disorders have "depression" listed as a symptom. Cutting to the chase, I think you should consider seeing an MD/DO, there are many medical interventions out there that can ease symptoms of depression and I'm not just talking about medications. I remember watching a documentary about psychology a few months ago that mentioned passing really powerful magnets over people's heads to treat depression. The brain is an organ and it can malfunction just like any other organ.

no reason to feel guilty. (easy for me to say, i used to feel guilty all the time)

you don't need something life chaning to feel depressed.

it just happens sometimes

[Zippo]

Make sure to get your thyroid checked. Thyroid problems can cause depression and mood swings, even if it's just a little bit off.

[lonely-and-sad]

No underlying cause for depression has been found. Its multi factorial nature suggests there is more than one cause anyway. Certainly I can find myself in a severe depression for no apparent reason.

[Altered Moment]

I totally understand. There is no apparent cause for my depression. It hits me out of the blue. There has to be a cause but no one, including me can identify it. There is no chemical imbalance test for the brain. There are some medical tests to rule things out like hypothyroidism but nothing for the brain. I have never had major trauma, abuse, bullying, or anything like that. My family had it's share of problems but nothing horrible. I have spent the last 20 years working on my problems and childhood problems in therapy and in all kinds of ways. I have always handled stress very well if not depressed.

20 years later after working so hard and still getting very severe suicidal depressions that can last a long time I can only conclude that in my case it is very genetic and biological. Mental illness and alcoholism runs rampant through both sides of my family. Just because they don't totally understand the genetic and biological processes in the brain that might cause it doesn't mean they are not there.

I can be going along working, exercising, eating right, sleeping good, everything is going great and then get slammed with a major depression.

They are learning more and more about genetic markers, cell death and a smaller hippocampus, whacked neuro pathways, genetic polymorphisms, cell receptors, and so on implicated in depression.

Not everyone is born with their biology predisposed to depression or whacked brain function but we can't help it any more than someone seriously abused as a child or a soldier who has PTSD from war.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[PunkyMonkey730]

You shouldn't feel guilty. It drive you to the brink of madness. Trust me, I felt guilty whenever I first found out about my depression.