[RenouncedTroglodyte]

I feel like nobody wants me, everybody keeps eyeing me like I just did a shameful thing publicly, the whole time I say: What did I do? I don't want to hurt anybody, and I sure keep my distance, but never hurt anyone. When I talk to someone, with my famous fast and unorganized speech, they think I'm a completely disgusting insect who has to stepped on right now (not exactly, but that's how I view it), while I'm just too shy in such situations.

My father never understands me until I draw this complicated yet understandably deep blue print of my thought process with perfectly placed sentences that accurately depict something that he might relate to, then, and only then, he might understand, because he might not want to hear anything that might ruin his mood after many years of working, having kids and such, but I'm his son, I'm not a father, but I know that I won't do this to my son, my father is great, but when it comes to this..I don't even know what to say.

If that wasn't enough to get me depressed, my OCD shines on me, but I seem to handle it, but then I have something that will forever stay with me no matter what I'm doing, which is my low self-esteem. I don't think I'm smart, I know I'm not handsome, and I hate sugar coating, which my parents totally do, but who am I to argue.

I love kids, but then they give me the exact same look adults give me, whenever I get close, maybe because I am a little bit brooding, but I approach them nicely.

When all of that happens, I switch on the recluse mode.

It's a mess, complete and utter mess.

[vital]

Originally Posted by RenouncedTroglodyte

I feel like nobody wants me, everybody keeps eyeing me like I just did a shameful thing publicly, the whole time I say: What did I do? I don't want to hurt anybody, and I sure keep my distance, but never hurt anyone. When I talk to someone, with my famous fast and unorganized speech, they think I'm a completely disgusting insect who has to stepped on right now (not exactly, but that's how I view it), while I'm just too shy in such situations.

My father never understands me until I draw this complicated yet understandably deep blue print of my thought process with perfectly placed sentences that accurately depict something that he might relate to, then, and only then, he might understand, because he might not want to hear anything that might ruin his mood after many years of working, having kids and such, but I'm his son, I'm not a father, but I know that I won't do this to my son, my father is great, but when it comes to this..I don't even know what to say.

If that wasn't enough to get me depressed, my OCD shines on me, but I seem to handle it, but then I have something that will forever stay with me no matter what I'm doing, which is my low self-esteem. I don't think I'm smart, I know I'm not handsome, and I hate sugar coating, which my parents totally do, but who am I to argue.

I love kids, but then they give me the exact same look adults give me, whenever I get close, maybe because I am a little bit brooding, but I approach them nicely.

When all of that happens, I switch on the recluse mode.

It's a mess, complete and utter mess.

Hi Renounced!

I don't know about your speech, but you write well.

When you are seriously depressed, adults and children can tell that something is wrong just by looking at you. They will avoid you not out of meanness or anything like that, you just make them uncomfortable.

What are you doing for you depression? You can probably guess what I'm going to suggest . What have you tried?

- vital

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by vital

Hi Renounced!

I don't know about your speech, but you write well.

When you are seriously depressed, adults and children can tell that something is wrong just by looking at you. They will avoid you not out of meanness or anything like that, you just make them uncomfortable.

What are you doing for you depression? You can probably guess what I'm going to suggest . What have you tried?

- vital

I'm not good at guessing, but you know, there are many things that I do to avoid negativity, I'd watch a movie, read something, go out alone and just drive and sing along with the CD player (bad voice, but it helps). And yes, I do agree with you, that just might be it, but it's weird, I don't avoid depressed people, probably because I'm also depressed. I don't know what's real anymore!

Thank you so much!

[Rohag]

Do you have any opportunities to develop skills or competencies that would set you apart?

[Fuzzybear]

[vital]

Originally Posted by RenouncedTroglodyte

I'm not good at guessing, but you know, there are many things that I do to avoid negativity, I'd watch a movie, read something, go out alone and just drive and sing along with the CD player (bad voice, but it helps). And yes, I do agree with you, that just might be it, but it's weird, I don't avoid depressed people, probably because I'm also depressed. I don't know what's real anymore!

Thank you so much!

I think I know where you're coming from. When I was depressed, I had to avoid most people because it was unpleasantly stressful to interact normally. I don't know if you have it, but one of the very common things is you get hyper-sensitive to even the slightest implicit criticism and it will bother you for a long time. People instinctively like to be around happy people and avoid depressed people. I think it's mainly because both happiness and depression are contagious. You hang around with someone who is depressed and you end up feeling low yourself. It's no fun. I can tell you that once you get yourself un-depressed, people interact with you differently. I really notice that people randomly talk to me and smile at me much more than before.

Anyway, I don't think you have to pay attention to any of that. It will all take care of itself naturally once you get yourself un-depressed. I didn't mean to be mysterious about what to do. Here. Have a look at this and see if it makes sense to you

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

Here is what I think is the best overall plan.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4162657-post74.html

Note that it's really worth it to check for medical/nutritional issues as explained above.

- vital

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Do you have any opportunities to develop skills or competencies that would set you apart?

I do feel that I would probably become a decent film maker, but I don't know, seems too far to reach.