Rant (long, triggers)

I am so ready to give up. I would never actively hurt myself but if I got struck by a car tomorrow I'd be perfectly ok with that. I am trapped in a job that I can't quit but loathe with every fiber of my being. I've been applying to other jobs for years at this point with not so much as an interview. My parents are manipulative and controlling and treat me like I'm 5 when im in my 30s no matter what I do to make them stop. I have massive social issues caused by spending most of my childhood alone (parents didn't want me involved in things so they didn't have to chase after me to games and performances and whatnot) so I have hardly any friends, have never had a boyfriend, and am pretty much socially invisible. if I were to keel over tomorrow it wouldn't be a big deal. No one would really care at all. Ive been on meds, therapy, etc etc etc. I've wanted to die since I was 15, which is now more than half my life. Which brings me to my next point and here is where it might get really triggering for some people so fair warning.

The phrase "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" royally makes me mad. Struggling to find a reason to keep breathing every single day is not temporary. Sure not everyone stays depressed their whole lives but what about those of us who never find any relief whatsoever? How is that temporary? When is it my turn to finally be free of this?

I so wish I could just have the guts to end it all myself but I dont. So in the meantime I'll just keep hoping for a little fateful intervention by way of illness or accident or something.

Sorry if this is a bit everywhere.

Hi Quiddie. I share at lot of your pain with you, like you I have severe depression that recently came to a head this week. The best advice I can give to you is to keep trying even if you feel like giving up. Some things take time to get better. Giving up is not the option. Just give it a little more time.

For some - many? - of us here depression is truly chronic and needs to be addressed as a chronic problem.

I feel like this ALL the time. Wanting to give up so.badly but I dont. I just keep waiting and hoping that something will change and I won't have to feel this way again.