[darkfoxx]

My social anxiety and depression are starting to make me lose my grasp on everything I hold dear to me. I am paranoid that I am going to lose my job even if others are telling me I'm doing well. I feel I might lose my wife. We had a big blow out about me invading her privacy which I admit to. Even though she says we can work through it I feel disconnected to her for shame. She doesn't want me touch or look at her. It's causing me severe depression every rejection that comes my way. I've been having a lot of dark thoughts and not sure how to cope. I've been seeing a psych about my issues for about a month. He has been working the anxiety issue with me as he think thats the route of my depression. I'm afraid to bring up the issues I am having with my wife to him as it will make it real and that me may judge me as a lessor person. Every time I think my wife and I are improving she slaps me in the face for mistakes I dare not try again. I feel I lost the one person I can truly call a friend. There is nothing I can do but give her space but at the same time I feel that is also pushing her away. I'm on the fence about divorce. One, in feel like that's running away but I can't take feeling depressed every time I see her. Two, I don't want to spend my time with anyone else, I would never get involved with another person so the rest of my life looks pretty bleak. I know I messed up and I rightfully should feel the never ending resentment but I am afraid I will never get back what I broke.

[waterknob1234]

My heart goes out to you in your pain.

[Rohag]

No doubt - depression and anxiety are exceptionally disruptive.

Originally Posted by darkfoxx

He has been working the anxiety issue with me as he think thats the root of my depression.

That's a decent working hypothesis, but do you agree?

Do you have anything in your life right now (legal and safe) that takes your mind off of everything else, gives it a break?

[darkfoxx]

Originally Posted by Rohag

No doubt - depression and anxiety are exceptionally disruptive.

That's a decent working hypothesis, but do you agree?

Do you have anything in your life right now (legal and safe) that takes your mind off of everything else, gives it a break?

Not really, I've been trying to put myself out in public places to reduce anxiety. I've been seeing alot of movies by myself or going to work parties. I have no real hobbies as it stands and most of my time is spent playing video games which I see as unhelpful in my condition other than getting my mind off whats bothering me, it's more of an escape from reality.

[Fuzzybear]

[Frankbtl]

Hi darkfoxx, I'm not sure you should be making any decisions regarding divorce right now while you're clearly suffering from depression. Right now the depression is probably distorting your view of the marriage as well as having an impact on it.
Although I can completely understand how your wife might be adding to the depression. Do you think that as well as the psych you're seeing you could access some couples counseling with your wife?? It may help her be a bit more understanding and supportive towards you and may also help you in working towards feeling more secure/supported in the marriage??
She was a friend, so maybe, just maybe there's a chance she can be again. But if not, that's really, truly not necessarily going to say that at some point in the future you won't be able to move on/there won't be someone else.
And with the psych........one month really isn't that long you know. Obviously things aren't good now, but perhaps after seeing him a while longer you may gradually see/feel some more/real improvement. And bringing up the issues of your wife with him..........he of all people, with an understanding of depression, should be non-judgmental. Afterall the difficulties don't make you a lesser person.........some marriages can sail through harder times, some can't, it doesn't need to be specifically about you.
And your job.........others are telling you that you're doing well............but maybe the depression is telling you otherwise??? If it helps perhaps ask others to quantify what they mean by doing well?? It might give you something tangible to recognise and even build on if you wanted to?? You could even set yourself some small goals at work if it might give you a bigger sense of achievement?? But either way........others are telling you that you're doing well, so unless you have a concrete reason to doubt them..........???

And well done on the trying to put yourself in public places!!! Hopefully you've got some breathing or grounding techniques to help you with that??? Do you think maybe a hobby could eventually come from "being out there"??? Or maybe just for now, a more home-based hobby could help???



Alison