[Stogey1982]

Hi Everyone,

I originally posted this message at the welcome center, but they told me where to go. I will just re-post it here. Any help would be more than amazing!

I am experiencing some rather difficult issues dealing with family. I know it has led me into anxiety issues as well as depression. First of all, my brother is married to someone who mistreats her children and I honestly believe she has her own issues that need to be dealt with, she has caused a lot of problems between my brother and I ever since they got married many blue moons ago. A few years ago I was diagnosed with cancer and was forced to quit my job until I could recover, luckily I am cancer free now, but during that time period I had to live with my brother and sister in law to make ends meet. They took advantage of me and took every penny that my now ex-husband brought home on his paycheck. If we did not abide by their rules they would threaten to kick us out and I had a daughter to think about. Since I was out of work, I also received food assistance and they took them too. Finally, We were able to secretly save back money and move out on our own, which saved me. I didn't know what I was going to do because I was so far into depression mode I couldn't think clearly.
Even though I no longer live with them I am scared for my life, I feel like what I have will never be mine and it will be taken away from me, I often have anxiety attacks when have tried to cut ties. I have 6 beautiful nieces and nephews and they always hold them against me. I finally decided even though it was family, I needed to let go and live my life. So what happens? they begin attacking me personally, first they try to go after my job, then they attempt to make phone calls to places like the government offices saying that I have lied about my situation and they have cut my benefits in the past. They never personally threaten me, it is things that I cannot trace back to them, but even if I confront them, they laugh about it. I have gotten to a point where I cannot even enjoy life or cut ties with them because they do things behind my back to harm me. They had a couple of friends come live with them from another state and they began doing the same thing to them, off to side I had warned them and they decided to get up and leave while they had the chance. The same things that have happened to me began to happen to them, they lost jobs, lost benefits because of mysterious phone calls and they are just plain hateful. Any ideas how I can process this? I know this was along post, but any help is more than precious to me!

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Welcome to Psych Central, citizen of Ohio! I appreciate the time you took to be clear about your experience and feelings, and no, this was not a long post, but people nowadays hate reading, and you know that, so that's why you apologized about the post being long. Correct me if I'm wrong, though.

First of all, I'm so happy that you have beaten cancer! Second of all, I don't know what to do with that kind of people, other than a session of tough love, which won't be helpful since they will keep going, to avenge you or something, even though they attacked you first. Try to get back at them in a not so devastating way just to show them how this feels like, what they put you through. And then start talking with them about that, and if it doesn't work, then I really don't know how to help. I haven't encountered such species, ever. I know that what's keeping you on your feet is your daughter, and your nephews and nieces, so have them in mind and come up with a brilliant plan in order to get the family back together again, make that your duty. I'm not saying get your brother to divorce his wife, but show him what she is really doing to the family, and forget that you have depression, because it is clearly tying your hands behind your back, making you feel that you are less than an average being. The fact that you have beaten cancer means that you are stronger than you think you are, so have that horrible experience in mind in order to proceed, and the horror of finding out that you have cancer in the first place and you actually handled that, means that you are indeed strong.

[Fuzzybear]

[winter4me]

It really sounds like permanently disconnecting from these people is the only way to go in order to live a life of your own, and to regain a sense of security. They do not sound like people who would respond to reason, or have a sense of responsibility or fairness.

I am always amazed by, and afraid of, people who spend their energy trying to hurt others.
The nieces and nephews will grow up, and be able to make their own decisions. If you do see/suspect abuse you can make a confidential report to children's services.