[solitude_is_bliss]

I'm on mobile and I apologise if its too choppy.

I am a 16-year old Junior in Highschool. This is my 12th school.

I was not kicked out of the others. My mom pulled me out every year because ... I don't know?

In between each school, I would be out for 3 weeks to 2 months at a time. She would pull me out a few months before school ended or in the middle during midterms. My transcripts and grades are scattered over several districts and states ranging from East to West coast. Its hard to get them and makes it difficult to enroll in school. I can't imagine how its going to be gathering the information for college.

I was recommended for several honors and AP classes Freshman year but I was pulled from that school so I wasn't able to attend the class. My mother refuses to let me take art classes or programs. I know I had a future in it but its too late now. I don't know what I'm going to do when or if I complete high school. All my opportunities are gone. My career is gone.

My mom won 460k for some reason or another and bought a house. It was a big house with stairs, 4 rooms/3 bath, 2 living rooms, a den. The backyard was massive and the same ft as the house. She paid 410 for it, used another 20k to furnish the house and rest to buy a car. Not a single drop towards my college fund but she bought into some saving bonds for my sister.

That's also where I got my first blood-eye; well, that's what I call it anyway. When I was 11 I forgot to scoop the catbox and my dad was pissed. I don't know how, but it escalated to the point where I was grabbing his leg, screaming for mom to help me. He punched me in the left eye. It was bleeding and I remember standing on my toes looking over the sink. I had to move my head to the left because I couldn't see over the facet. It was puffy and dark and red and water was leaking out like tears.

It didn't really hurt. I remember my mom, doing nothing, just sitting on the couch looking at me with a blank face. I wasn't allowed to leave my room for two days.

We've been evicted three times: the first was the big house when I was 13, another when I was 15, and most recently 16. We're currently homeless and living on my Aunt's couch. I lost everything, I only have one bra, a box of clothes, and some shoes. I have my cats but soon my dad might be getting rid of them.

Its getting harder to make friends and pay attention in class. A few of them tease me over wearing the same things to class, its so frustrating. I cry on a daily basis over little things I know I shouldn't cry about. I'm already 24lbs overweight but I'm always hungry. My face is round and I'm not pretty. My hair's falling out.

I have a sister and she's just doing ... so much better than me. My mom set her up in a MUCH better school in a richer side of the city. She's gotten job offers, people asking for her to babysit their kids, prom dresses, jewelry, braces, more expensive products, stylists for her hair, and just so much more. They even let her keep her full-grown Akita (but my cats are too much of a hassle).

And I'm just sitting here?

Maybe its my grades? I used to make high B's in elementary and middle school. My mom told me I was special and an idiot for not making A's so I just stopped trying. Around Sophomore year, I mingled with a bad crowd and started skipping school, having sex, partying, and drinking. I stopped doing all that.

My mom enrolled me in a school in a separate city which meant I would have to take the bus. She refused to teach me the route and my friends were too poor to go. I got lost and ended up walking 17mi around 11PM-2AM to a train station (halfway point to my house). It was pitch black and I remember being really scared and cold. I was kidnapped and raped and I don't really remember what happened. I know I ended up missing for two days. I know I went from my home in LAC to Sepulveda Blvd. I can't think of why I didn't go home. I know why, it because I didn't want to see my mom. She was why ran away to begin with.

The police wouldn't stop showing up for days and my mom laughed and called me a *****.

That was last year.

We got evicted since then and now we live here, at my Aunt's house. And now you're up to date.

I feel like I failed but I don't know if its my fault or if I'm being a coward and trying to blame someone else for my failures.

I feel like screaming.

I'm terrified of the dark. I hate when people get close to me, I start shaking.

I spend most of the time withdrawn and alone. I crave heroin, I've never done it but I have a huge urge to do it for some reason. Heroin and Chipotle, because Chipotle is ****ing awesome.

I don't know what the hell is going on with me.

Its one trauma after another and I don't know how to deal with it all.

I need a job, I need to get my **** together. Its so hard and I don't know why its hard. I know what I want to do, I know what I need to do, but I can't do it.

[kaliope]

no you did not fail yourself. you are living in a neglectful abusive environment and doing what you can to survive. please do not give into that destructive craving to do heroin. it sounds like you have the survival skills to make much of your life once you are able to get out on your own as long as you dont get caught up in that scene. you need therapy to get over the trauma of your life. can you go to your school counselor and talk about all this so that you can get some help now?

[socialwork12]

Did you go to the hospital to have a rape examination done to prove to your mother and father that you are not a ***** and did actually get raped? The police could still investigate that if you give them some details as to what you do remember.

Have you ever gone to the hospital to be treated for anything? I believe that you have not failed your parents but they may lack parenting skills. Is your sister homeless living at your aunts as well? Maybe think about talking with your new school guidance counselor. She will have resources for you if you do not want to return home or if you want to maybe get a job, etc.

You are your own person and can better your life just remember you are in control.

Originally Posted by solitude_is_bliss

I'm on mobile and I apologise if its too choppy.

I am a 16-year old Junior in Highschool. This is my 12th school.

I was not kicked out of the others. My mom pulled me out every year because ... I don't know?

In between each school, I would be out for 3 weeks to 2 months at a time. She would pull me out a few months before school ended or in the middle during midterms. My transcripts and grades are scattered over several districts and states ranging from East to West coast. Its hard to get them and makes it difficult to enroll in school. I can't imagine how its going to be gathering the information for college.

I was recommended for several honors and AP classes Freshman year but I was pulled from that school so I wasn't able to attend the class. My mother refuses to let me take art classes or programs. I know I had a future in it but its too late now. I don't know what I'm going to do when or if I complete high school. All my opportunities are gone. My career is gone.

My mom won 460k for some reason or another and bought a house. It was a big house with stairs, 4 rooms/3 bath, 2 living rooms, a den. The backyard was massive and the same ft as the house. She paid 410 for it, used another 20k to furnish the house and rest to buy a car. Not a single drop towards my college fund but she bought into some saving bonds for my sister.

That's also where I got my first blood-eye; well, that's what I call it anyway. When I was 11 I forgot to scoop the catbox and my dad was pissed. I don't know how, but it escalated to the point where I was grabbing his leg, screaming for mom to help me. He punched me in the left eye. It was bleeding and I remember standing on my toes looking over the sink. I had to move my head to the left because I couldn't see over the facet. It was puffy and dark and red and water was leaking out like tears.

It didn't really hurt. I remember my mom, doing nothing, just sitting on the couch looking at me with a blank face. I wasn't allowed to leave my room for two days.

We've been evicted three times: the first was the big house when I was 13, another when I was 15, and most recently 16. We're currently homeless and living on my Aunt's couch. I lost everything, I only have one bra, a box of clothes, and some shoes. I have my cats but soon my dad might be getting rid of them.

Its getting harder to make friends and pay attention in class. A few of them tease me over wearing the same things to class, its so frustrating. I cry on a daily basis over little things I know I shouldn't cry about. I'm already 24lbs overweight but I'm always hungry. My face is round and I'm not pretty. My hair's falling out.

I have a sister and she's just doing ... so much better than me. My mom set her up in a MUCH better school in a richer side of the city. She's gotten job offers, people asking for her to babysit their kids, prom dresses, jewelry, braces, more expensive products, stylists for her hair, and just so much more. They even let her keep her full-grown Akita (but my cats are too much of a hassle).

And I'm just sitting here?

Maybe its my grades? I used to make high B's in elementary and middle school. My mom told me I was special and an idiot for not making A's so I just stopped trying. Around Sophomore year, I mingled with a bad crowd and started skipping school, having sex, partying, and drinking. I stopped doing all that.

My mom enrolled me in a school in a separate city which meant I would have to take the bus. She refused to teach me the route and my friends were too poor to go. I got lost and ended up walking 17mi around 11PM-2AM to a train station (halfway point to my house). It was pitch black and I remember being really scared and cold. I was kidnapped and raped and I don't really remember what happened. I know I ended up missing for two days. I know I went from my home in LAC to Sepulveda Blvd. I can't think of why I didn't go home. I know why, it because I didn't want to see my mom. She was why ran away to begin with.

The police wouldn't stop showing up for days and my mom laughed and called me a *****.

That was last year.

We got evicted since then and now we live here, at my Aunt's house. And now you're up to date.

I feel like I failed but I don't know if its my fault or if I'm being a coward and trying to blame someone else for my failures.

I feel like screaming.

I'm terrified of the dark. I hate when people get close to me, I start shaking.

I spend most of the time withdrawn and alone. I crave heroin, I've never done it but I have a huge urge to do it for some reason. Heroin and Chipotle, because Chipotle is ****ing awesome.

I don't know what the hell is going on with me.

Its one trauma after another and I don't know how to deal with it all.

I need a job, I need to get my **** together. Its so hard and I don't know why its hard. I know what I want to do, I know what I need to do, but I can't do it.