How do I make him understand?

My husband is very supportive of me and what I'm going through. But he gets upset when I have. Day off and im upset all day. He takes it very personal and thinks I'm not happy with him since the only time im like this is on my day off. It's not that though. He's the only thing that makes me have any happiness in life.

I work and go to school. Several days a week I'll have over 15 hour days. I Have to fake smiling at work and I have to maintain my composure at school. It's exhausting enough to do those things but when I have to fake being okay during it as well, it's almost unbearable. So when I have my day off, I just want to sleep and cry and do whatever I can't do during the week and I feel really bad that he has to deal with it but I don't know what else to do.

All of these emotions get bottled up during the week and the one day I have off from both school and work, it becomes overwhelming and I. Just so depressed and have no energy.

I just want him to understand that it's not him. I try my best to explain but I cant. I feel so bad and don't know what to do

That's a really tough situation. It feels like no one in the world understands. But then how could they? Someone who's never experienced depression or BPD can no more understand it than a colorblind person could understand red and green by reading about colorblindness in a book.

It sounds to me like he needs to be reminded that it's not "all about him." But that's difficult for people in our situation to explain (I stopped trying because it usually just made things worse). What helped my wife understand was face time with a professional (in my case, a pdoc and an experienced ECT nurse). The same message coming from a disinterested professional is completely different than hearing it from a spouse.

In my case the "explainers" were mental health pros, but I don't think that's strictly necessary. Anyone who understands your situation, and whose opinion your husband respects (and can discuss it calmly and with tact) would do, I think. If nothing else, this person might be able to persuade your husband to talk to an MH professional.

This is huge in my opinion. I feel the same about my wife & kids, and I tell her that as often as I can, though never enough. Face to face is often difficult, but texts, voice mail, sticky notes...

Unhappydaze has made some very good points. If you can't get him to talk to a professional, you may find something on line that explains something close to your situation that he may agree to read, if you haven't tried that. My husband has put up with a lot from me for 25 years and doesn't understand even though he has bipolar himself. He has learned to accept that this is how I am, but when I'm not so good I try to put on the smile for a little of the time and encourage him to do some time on his own (so I can have a break too). It is very hard to live with someone who is depressed but even harder to live depressed. I hope he loves you enough to accept, even though he can't understand.
Thank you for sharing with us. I wish you well as you try to work this out somehow.

Imo you gotta have that release at some point. Do you feel comfortable showing this post? It may show proof of gratitude. Yeah it's hard for anyone to understand completely w/o them going through it to and even then they don't have your specific background (did that make sense?) You could come talk to us or consider seeing a therapist? Hope you feel better