So quickly.....

I can be going along, doing just fine.... and then BANG - the tiniest thing will through me back into my darkness.

yesterday I was having a nice day with my wife & daughter.... not really doing anything (a nice lazy day) and I got up to go get a snack from our pantry and BAM -

It just sucks to be so unstable.

Anyone else like this?

Simply ignoring depressive attacks is just not easy, and I totally understand, but it is doable, and it needs training. No matter what, don't harm yourself, because it will definitely worsen your depression, and you probably know that. I know from the heart that you love your daughter more than yourself, so feel good.. for her.

Yeah, sometimes I wake up or I'm having fun with someone then, I need it, often it's for no reason.
Try to stay with people you like so you won't be able to do anything.

Hi IDM, I know it can be so hard being completely, suddenly, unpredictably enveloped in........the same "familiar" feeling you just feel like you have so little control over so:
And believe me I'm not dismissing that in the slightest (!!), but you know what I was seeing in this as well.........that you were doing "fine" (OK, probably not "great"!!) AND that you were having a nice day with your wife and daughter...........now for that I am SO pleased that you've been able to experience that........those feelings/times haven't been coming along so often with the general way you've been feeling have they??!!
So I would say you've actually had another real breakthrough there!!!
OK, it didn't last that long/ALL day, but a real breakthrough "in the bigger picture" nevertheless!! And do you think maybe you can hold onto that memory, those feelings just a little as you're trying to ride out the........there is a light out there in what you've felt/experienced, and while you're maybe not really feeling it right now, it was/is there "just at the other side".
And you know when that darkness descends it doesn't always necessarily have to completely kill that connection/closeness you felt minutes before (at least not every time) because perhaps in a situation like that (with your wife/daughter knowing the situation) you could just ask to hold a hand, to sit/"be" quietly with them, or initiate a hug if you're/they're "tactile??". And try to share some of that "stability" that you're understandably lacking???
One day at a time, and whatever it takes to get you through (trying to avoid the SI, of course!!)
And of course you can always talk to us too!! No forgetting that we care, we're here for you too!!!

Alison

I understand how quickly things can change. I have that problem too. I hope that even with the darkness you managed to enjoy your day yesterday.