Very depressed and hopeless

Hi, its me again and I think I'm having another major depressive episode. This would be the second one this year alone. My mom is in the hospital and she almost died. Almost every year she has a near death experience and that was the second such one this year. Earlier she had severe bronchitis and it makes it worse for her because she has lung problems. This year started off crappy as well. All the cars broke down costing thousands of dollars. The dishwasher broke costing another $700. That ain't all people! I developed 8 different personalities most of them this year and a few last year. This is adding to my depression. Some of the personalities are embarrassing like the 5 year old kid one, the alien and bird. I freeze in one position constantly. Our family invests in Intel stock which 7 years ago was $140 a share and now its less than $22. That is all our financial situation is based on. I can't even cry if I wanted to. I have been trying but I just fail. That is what I am, a complete failure as a person. I don't have a job, or go to school because of my many conditions. To make things worse, I feel responsible for many world disasters including the tsunami, plane crashes, murders, earthquakes and more! I am also responsible for the high gas prices because I have dreams about it. The most recent one was gas hitting $4 a gallon. In my area there is a station charging $3.44 a gallon!! Because of my powers of causing everything the government is after me and put many devices in my room! Even though my room is my favorite place to be because of the computer and my model planes, I still don't feel completely safe in it because of the mind reading device. They know my every thought. They are also controlling the personalities! I lost interest in things that I used to love. I just don't feel like doing anything. There is nothing to be thankful for. So far this is the worst year in a long time for me and my family. I think we are going to lose everything we own because of the financial situation and live on the streets and die slowly and painfully. By the way my mom is in a lot of pain. I have nothing going for me. If you want to know I do take my pills and they were helping but now with all this crap going on they stopped working. I feel tired all day long and want to sleep. I just don't want to waste the entire day away though. So, what do I do? Do I go to the hospital? I haven't cut in a long time but with all this going on, I feel like self injuring again. Too much stress!!!!

I am so sorry that you are feeling so badly. Do you have anyone to talk with about all this? It sounds like you have a lot to sort out.

Firebird,

Wow. You are dealing with so much. You must have incredible strength. I do think you need someone in your life to help you along. Even if not a T, a pastor, or friend. There have been times I have offered to talk to my friend once a week just about how she was doing. Maybe you could share with someone.

Also. I'd do some stress-reliving activities. Often its nice to go to the park and just sit and take a journal.

Know that we care so much!! Keep writing.

The crap continues. On her birthday on May 5th she was rushed back to the hospital after being home for 2 days. Once again her fever went to 105. This is the second time in a week that she had a near death experience and the third one this year alone. Everything goes wrong. She better live.

On Mother's day she is still in the hospital and she almost died on her birthday. I am scared that this is how the entire year is going to be, full of near death experiences and bad luck. We used to go on vacation every year because things were good. Not anymore because everything sucks. The last vacation was back in 2004. I don't think we are going on one this year either. I need help! I don't know what to do.

Hello Firebird -- Not having a vacation isn't the worst thing that can happen, you know. Every year, millions of people do not have any vacation. My parents never took a vacation the whole time I was growing up. You are very fortunate that your family was able to afford this in the past. Of course it makes you feel deprived but it is all relative.

Perhaps you can enjoy local parks and attractions, especially those that are free, such as street festivals and craft fairs.

I hope your mother pulls through and that you are able to find some ways to relieve your stress and depression.

((((((((((((((((FireBird))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry to hear how badly things are for you right now, and especailly about your mom. That must be so hard on the both of you. Hang in there and keep writing ... you can get through this.

((((((((((((FireBird)))))))))))))))))
Nooooo, you're not responsible for any of the world disasters, sweetie. Just seeing that you CARE proves you aren't responsible. It's the stupid people who don't care that are responsible so stop taking the blame for something you're not responsible for.
Don't worry about money. Right now it seems like it's the end of the world because of it but it's not. Money is nothing. I was stone cold broke so many times, it's not even funny but I made it through it all somehow and I'm not rich nor even "comfortable" but I'm doing okay. And you'll be doing okay sometime in the future soon. It's not going to stay like this forever. You're going to be fine.
Don't worry about wasting the day away. Think of it this way, most animals hibernate for a good portion of the year, right? Well, you're just doing what is coming naturally to you. Go and hibernate if you have to. You need to recuperate and re energize yourself-don't feel bad about it.

((((((((((((((((( FireBird )))))))))))))))))