i know i complain too much

i might complain a lot. but i feel like i am still in high school and i am 31. i have thought broadcasting. and the people are around me are complete a-holes

my voices just said they are "sick"

sometimes i wonder what is happening to me. why do the people who read my mind living in my community act so viciously mean towards me. always in my face about every thought, every insecurity i have. while the voices i hear are actually pretty nice.

does this mean that i really am telepathic and live with monsters and the voices are just part of my brain trying to deal with it?

I mean i have things to improve for sure. but it is the stupidest things these people complain about. some things might make sense.. at least to society. but it doesn't really matter how well i am doing. going to school taking care of my health etc. there will always be some insecurity i have that they can boast about.

i am very depressed.

i did really well didn't drink for 2 1/2 days. but just bought a beer.

i was taking a picture of myself and i thought it looked pretty good or good enough. and they said "she thinks she is beautiful but she is really ugly"

i don't know if they are talking about me as a person. or what. (because at least then they would have a soul) but i can't ever seem to change enough for people to like me.

i shouldn't care because they obviously don't. but i always have a tendency to put blame and shame on myself instead of them

because i believe in Karma. so if i am in this much turmoil i must have done SOMETHING to deserve it you know.

and if i didn't do anything then why does this happen? i mean if there is a god why do people read my mind, and what is the point of all of this? am i stuck in a waking dream? another dimension? what? (now that i am writing this they are sucking up they hate me so they shouldn't play) they won't ever change enough and neither will i. people are mindless animals who only seem to understand as much as my self esteem will allow them. but they are relentless and stuck in their ways of bullying the sick and the week.

i talk to God sometimes but it still gets confusing. it doesn't seem to matter how well i do, how generous.. how perfect.. i would have to be a strict robotic person who only caters to what other people want or what will please them. because i may have insecurities about what i do at times. but if no one was there watching me every second i would naturally do many of these things anyway with ABSOLUTELY NO CONSEQUENCES!

anyway so i go in pof. and maybe i shouldn't i mean no one will ever want to be with someone as crazy as me. but i get lonely. and depressed with life. and things just feel pointless. i don't know what's going on but my voices talk about "punking me up" and i am not sure if they are talking about shaking me out of my dream , or punking me "upstair" as in, taking me to heaven? because my voices can be very light at times but one time i think they said i am going to die in a couple of years. and i can't wait!

i am talking a lot. but can i be in a coma? you will all have to say no of course. but that has been my only hope lately. and it would explain a lot too. i mean logically how can the tv talk to me, the cat's and the faucets read my mind? and why when i look at the walls, pictures appear? i am just schizophrenic i guess but the coincidences just don't add up AT ALL especially with the sounds surrounding me. i don't know but i can't live like this forever you know?

If I understand this correctly:
Well if you look for the clinical answer it is that the "wiring" in your brain is different and so you hear things. This is not your fault or karma just what happens sometimes

Here's my answer: People put you down to make themselves feel better. If you believe them to be mind readers then it is only b/c they are uncomfortable with themselves. Now I don't mean to "feed into" schizophrenia but if that were the case it would not be you that is the problem it's them. Now as for the karma issue, I believe that some people are given huge challenges by chance? Greater power? What ever you believe in these challenges are set up before any choice is made not after. Imo these events were set into motion long before you were born to make you into something great. A person who survives despite being told negative constantly. And I mean ALL the time.

I do not have schizophrenia but I've gotten to get a glimpse of what it's like to not be able to focus or sleep b/c voices belittle you and tell you to kill or kill yourself. It amazes me how much strength someone like you must have to persevere on a day to day basis. So if I may overwhelm those voices for just 1 second and say you are awesome

Please feel free to msg me if you ever want to talk

PS you don't complain too much I think I complain more than you hahaha

It's really just your illness talking. It sounds like you're having an episode right now. Do you have a therapist, psychatrist, doctor, caregiver of some sort you can contact?

https://www.ted.com/talks/eleanor_lo...ad?language=en

- vital

No, it is I who complain about everything. Trust me.

cool but i have experience with my voices. and i know if i follow them they will be happier, but at the same time till bother me for uncontrollable things. that's just the nature of them.

i'm getting a psych doc soon. on the waiting list.

LOL you are sweet

thanks for the reply. it is very hard to live with voices and telepathy. i mean even when they are being nice to me it's overwhelming. (they just finished my sentence for me before i typed it) too many cooks in the pot. it get's confusing and frustrating. and even though i am sure there might be something to what they are saying. it's not What they say but the way they say it that is my problem.

thanx for being there for me!

I don't know about voices because I've never had that problem but I'm sure there are meds for that. I have depression and anxiety and some OCD where I think about money or lack of 24 hours a day.

sometimes i wonder if i have ocd tendencies with my thoughts and that's why the voices get so angry if i do not do the thoughts i think of at the right timing..