[babblity]

help.

i've been feeling depressed for about 3 months now. at first, it felt raw- i cried all the time, self harmed once and occasionally thought about suicide, but i could get myself up and put a fake smile on. i can't do it anymore.

i don't cry, i just have this vague feel of stinging behind my eyes constantly, like there are tears and i can't just cry. i feel numb. i haven't exercised since forever. often i can't get myself up in the morning so i just don't go to school.

i've always been pretty good or at least average at school, but i can't concentrate anymore and i just can't be bothered. i sleep a lot but i wake up every night multiple times& i'm tired all the time. all i do is lay on my bed, browse mindlessly the internet and eat. sometimes i don't even care enough to eat enough.

mostly i just feel utterly uninterested in the world and my future (and at the same time i'm scared as hell because if i keep failing now then i'll fail in life and will i ever even get a proper job if i can't get out of bed?) i can't make decisions and i feel anxious. how is it even possible to feel nothing and everything at the same time?

i've been to a psychiatrist and i've been diagnosed with depression yet my parents can't either understand or cope with it. various things they've said to me
"no need to play a martyr, everyone around is a having a hard time"
"if we can't go to work because of you then it has got out of hands.. have to move out eventually.."
"can't you see your mum is having a really hard time because of you?"

they suggested that i'd skip the last weeks of school a week ago and i refused then but now i feel like i'm drowning and i just CAN'T anymore so i asked if that was still a possibility and they said things such as "maybe you should try to keep up", "try more", "maybe it isn't that bad", "it's about the thinking", "more positivity"

if i could just vanish or dissolve into the air and be gone, i'd be happy. please tell me what to do.

[annoyedgrunt84]

It's hard when you can't get all of the support you need to get started on the mend. Is there a counselor at school you can talk to?

[babblity]

Originally Posted by annoyedgrunt84

It's hard when you can't get all of the support you need to get started on the mend. Is there a counselor at school you can talk to?

yes there is, but i don't feel comfortable opening up to her
when talking to professionals- like counselors or psychiatrists- i'm afraid of them saying my feelings are not valid, because that's what i think. as there is no reason for me to feel depressed, i just started to feel moody/sad a little and then it all went downhill. so this thought "maybe i did it all by myself and i could fix it myself but i'm just too lazy/think too negatively?" is constantly bugging me.

sorry for the rant

[Fizzyo]

My parents didn't understand either when I was your age. I did get through it and I'm still here. Mine understand a little more now but some people just can't get their heads around it. Do you have counsellors you could talk to at school? Remember however bad you feel, time still passes and the last few weeks of school will pass. Don't worry about the smile, but however hard, going through the motions helps time pass and your recovery will be nearer. You showed strength getting so far and all you can ask of yourself is the best you can do now. Other people may ask more but you know how much you tried. Do speak to a counsellor if you can, I didn't and that was a mistake. Safe hugs

[wa(o)rrior]

hi friend
you have said you've been to psychiatrist but didn't mention anything about meds. are you on medication? because if the symptoms are severe its better to take pills to calm you down.

[vital]

Originally Posted by babblity

help.
...
they suggested that i'd skip the last weeks of school a week ago and i refused then but now i feel like i'm drowning and i just CAN'T anymore so i asked if that was still a possibility and they said things such as "maybe you should try to keep up", "try more", "maybe it isn't that bad", "it's about the thinking", "more positivity"

if i could just vanish or dissolve into the air and be gone, i'd be happy. please tell me what to do.

Hi babblity,

There is a trick about how depression works. You seem helpless to escape from it and I think that you can sense that the slogans and suggestions you are getting aren't going to help. It FEELs like it's something in your head that you feel powerless to get rid of. It has such a big affect on you that it seems unlikely that thinking some thought or talking to someone (even a therapist) or repeating a slogan is going to make a difference.

The trick is that all that stuff above happens just because slipping into the depressed mode of existence is unconscious. Because it's unconscious, it keeps happening, seemingly no matter what you do. Because of that, it starts to seem like a big powerful thing that you can't escape from and you start to feel helpless about it which also feeds into the downward spiral. Because the transition is unconscious, it's much easier to TRAIN your way out of it rather than talking your way out of it. Here's a way do do that:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

and what I think is the best overall plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

[Fizzyo]

[marmaduke]

"can't you see your mum is having a really hard time because of you?"
Your parents sound selfish, narcissistic to me.
My parents were the same. I had a serious depressive episode when I was 17. As I couldn't stop crying I was unable to go to work. All I remember mother saying was ' Oh no, I aint got you grizzling round me all day have I'
No concern at all.
Made me feel like s##t. You feel like I did, unwanted, a burden.
Well, I can tell you, you are precious, worthy and life is worth it.
Do you take any anti depressants? They may help lift your mood. You need to do well at school get good job and move out asap.

[Shota1]

Hello,

First, it is good that you are reaching out for help. Your feelings are certainly valid and real. Depression can feel very lonely. Your parents care deeply for you, but may not know what to say to help you. They may feel frustrated with themselves for not being able to bring you out of your depression. But remember, only you can bring yourself out of depression... no one else can do it for you. And you CAN do it, even if right now it doesn't seem so.

There are two parts to your recovery: Actions and thoughts. It is hard for you to get out of bed and go to school. You feel like sleeping, or spending the day on the Internet. Plus, you no longer exercise. While it seems that's all you can do, you must take small steps back to normal activity. Take a short walk outside, even just for a few minutes. Staying in bed will prevent you from feeling better. Try to make the effort, no matter how small.

Also, with your depression, your thoughts are negative and self-defeating. It is hard to think positively when you feel depressed. The world seems dark, without hope, and all is gloomy. This is how you feel, and your feelings are valid. However, I invite you to challenge those feelings of self-defeat. How true are they? Or, are they just thought habits you have slipped into? While your negative feelings and thoughts are very real, it does not mean they are true. Think of the things you have accomplished in life, and areas where you have succeeded. You CAN do it! Do not allow those negative, self-defeating thoughts to dominate. The glass is not half empty... it is half full. There are indeed positive ways of looking at ourselves and our world. You CAN do it.

Best wishes!

[babblity]

Originally Posted by wa(o)rrior

hi friend
you have said you've been to psychiatrist but didn't mention anything about meds. are you on medication? because if the symptoms are severe its better to take pills to calm you down.

the psychologist i went to suggested taking meds and the psychiatrist wrote down some pills but my parents were sceptic about them so no, i don't take any medication. i'm seeing a new psychiatrist tomorrow actually, hope something will change.

[Shota1]

How are you feeling today, babblity? Did your meeting with the new psychiatrist go well?

[Fizzyo]