[Dan208]

Lately I've been having these thoughts. Not anything necessarily about WANTING to kill myself, but thoughts of wondering what it would be like if I wasn't around. How would people cope with me not being here? Would anyone REALLY mourn for me? Would people be better off without me around with my moods bringing them down also?

I don't know that I could ever go through with suicide because I'm a coward, but I have been thinking a lot lately about how fun it could be indulging in self destructive behavior. Drinking all the time. Maybe seeing about meeting up with random women for affairs. I think I'm too much of a coward to go through with any of that too, except for the drinking.

I just don't know what to think any more.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

You're not a coward, you're a hero for enduring what you're going through I don't think it's suicidal thoughts that you're having though, because I have the same exact thoughts too, and it's just the depression and its negativity, I guess. It's just a sign that you care for people too much to the point that you begin to wonder if they care about you too.

[Khione]

I get where you are coming from. I have similar thoughts and I think they come under the whole suicidal ideation, though they're also things I think quite a few people think about. I guess with people who have depression, the thoughts are more common. Nothing to feel bad about though, and you're not a coward like RenouncedTroglodyte said, you're brave for enduring what you do.

[Fizzyo]

You are certainly not a coward or you wouldn't have posted here. Coward a n Wimp are two names my depression tries to make me call myself. The thoughts you describe a are thoughts I get a lot, and if I I accept them and own them instead of realising there's little real evidence for them, they can lead to wishing for death, or more. Perhaps they are part of a continuum from real zest for life to the actual act of ending it all.
Don't forget you are a human being and therefore as valuable as any other human being. If you weren't here, someone would miss you and hurt badly, even if you don't realise who they are!