[JohnCrow]

After getting yet another "we have decided to go with other candidates" reply to a job application I keep thinking of Sherlock Holmes' classic saying, "How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?"

Different employers? Check
Different jobs? Check
Person applying? Me

So the only common factor is me. I am a loser and it shows in my resumes and cover letters

At least I have a place to live for now.

On a website called the dictionary of obscure sorrows they come up with words for situations that need them.

Mal de Coucou, n. a phenomenon in which you have an active social life but very few close friends—people who you can trust, who you can be yourself with, who can help flush out the weird psychological toxins that tend to accumulate over time—which is a form of acute social malnutrition in which, even if you devour an entire buffet of chitchat, you’ll still feel pangs of hunger.

This is my life since my friend Bob died. I feel no similar connection with any of my other friends. He and I shared a lot of opinions and had differences too so I allowed him a sounding board and him, me.

And then, the writer has this

Dead Reckoning, n. to find yourself bothered by someone’s death more than you would have expected, as if you assumed they would always be part of the landscape, like a lighthouse you could pass by for years until the night it suddenly goes dark, leaving you with one less landmark to navigate by—still able to find your bearings, but feeling all that much more adrift.

I was in bad shape before he left me. I had not realized how much I invested in him. My hobbies? Comic collecting and games. He owned a comic and game store. I acted as his rep at a trade show because he was afraid to fly. He was my friend and one of the wisest me I have ever known

And this one

Anchorage, n. the desire to hold on to time as it passes, like trying to keep your grip on a rock in the middle of a river, feeling the weight of the current against your chest while your elders float on downstream, calling over the roar of the rapids, “Just let go—it’s okay—let go.”

I cannot let go of the world I lived in with Bob. I know I should but the fear of the unknown is greater than the fear of failure. for now

And this

lachesism, n. the desire to be struck by disaster—to survive a plane crash, to lose everything in a fire, to plunge over a waterfall—which would put a kink in the smooth arc of your life, and forge it into something hardened and flexible and sharp, not just a stiff prefabricated beam that barely covers the gap between one end of your life and the other.

I find myself wishing for a disaster, that would allow me to let go or, better still, allow me to let go of the baggage of my life.

Thanks for this post. That website sounds great. I love the term "social malnutrition". I'm definitely suffering from it.

When you said that you were getting letters saying that you hadn't gotten jobs, I thought "where does this person live?" and then I saw that it was Canada, which we in the US call "the polite place."

I'm not trying to make less of the difficulty of going to job interviews and then not being offered a job. I'm on disability now, but I do remember how much effort is required to do that and how disappointing it is when no job comes from it.

I do think it's possible you're drawing conclusions without enough data. For example, do you know how many people are applying for the same jobs you're applying for? That kind of thing does make a difference.

Sometimes if you talked to someone particularly nice at the interview, they will give you an idea why you didn't get the job. I don't know if that's an option for you.

[JohnCrow]

Actually, at my last interview I was told, in essence, I wasn't chummy enough

They said they were looking for 'personality fit', although I did quite well on experience, transferable skills and enthusiasm

I had always been told not to be too personal in interviews, especially legal. And here I didn't get the job not because I couldn't do it but rather because they did not like me as a person

It was a slap in the face

[waterknob1234]

I understand how you feel. I just lost a job I wanted to do very badly. I was devastated. Now I am back on the trail looking for jobs. It's so hard. I need a job to help pay the bills. But I need a job I can handle and not mess up.

It is hard to lose a beloved friend. A counselor once told me the normal grieving period is about one to two years. And yes it is like the lighthouse that is always part of the landscape. You expect that person to always be there, and then they are gone. I felt this way when my mom passed away.

I believe they have a grieving forum on here also.

I hope something good comes your way soon.