[spudzilla]

The situation that I find myself in finds me carrying the burden of such a pain, every day. In interest of maintaining my personal promise to both of my daughters to never lie to them or anyone else, and to always be brave and ask for help when the waters of life get too rough: I will tell the complete truth.
In May of 2015, I had been going through a very prolonged bout with some mental issues that not only poisoned my marriage to the point of no return, but also found me near the end,

Possible trigger:

contemplating suicide.

I sat down in the basement with tears in my eyes. The tears were because I knew that I had hurt my wife with behavior that consciously I had no idea that I was doing, and I knew that it was over. When I sat down, a picture of my daughters fell down. The very same picture from above and I felt clarity for that moment and threw my bullets in the garbage. That moment, my sister, Renae called. I told her what was happening and she stayed on the phone with me during her entire drive from Saint Clair Shores to Livonia. Along the way, she consulted with her friend, Heidi McMeekin who works in the mental health system in another county. Heidi told my sister to recommend that I go to the emergency room, or being bound by her professional code, she could have me taken in against my will. I did not hesitate because I was terrified about what I had almost done in the basement but at the same time I think GOD was sending me a message by the sudden fall of that beautiful picture of my daughters. I was admitted into the St Mary Mercy Behavioral Management Unit. The first night and first day, I hated everyone and did not like the fact that I was there.
The staff by the end of that first day, made me feel so much better because I realized they were working so hard and patiently, doing their best at making each patient feel like a person and not a basket case. From the second day on to the last, I did everything I could do to learn about controlling my disorders and was tested in the middle of my hospitalization by my wife confirming what I already knew; she had filed for a divorce. It made me hurt but I knew I had to get better for my children at least, so I focused harder took notes, snuck a bible into my room and did extra work every night studying. In the end, I was diagnosed with PTSD and Major Depression with Bi-Polar tendencies. I am on my medication and thanks to the entire staff and environment (except for the kitchen staff because they always sent the wrong food), I have the tools to control every aspect of my diagnosis.
However, shortly after coming home, my wife and I were given a 7 day eviction notice but the landlord stretched it until the 29th of May just because it would have left me homeless due to the fact that I am permanently disabled and unable to work as well as only having that one small check at the beginning of the month to survive on. I found myself encountering set-back after set-back since coming home from the hospital. I fought to do everything in my power to secure housing in the area by applying for assistance, searching with the limited mobility I have, and contacting the director of the Michigan Coalition Against Homelessness Barb Ritter, who took a personal interest in my situation and did everything she could to help. I have written Debbie Stabenow and Gary Peters, our esteemed Senators, about the decision that DHS said, “Since you don’t have any rent, bills, or any other expenses, we can only give you Medicaid.” I do not get any assistance for food or shelter, so, I had to hop on a Greyhound bus to Kalkaska where my Mom lives so I can sleep on a couch at least instead of living in the storage unit my wife and I had rented to store all of our belongings.
I now find myself, over 250 miles away from the Hegira of Westland center where I was to be able to continue my after treatment from the hospital, as well as being able to access housing through them, and the two pieces of my heart that I had to leave behind to live with my wife, my step-daughter Brittany, my other-in-law, and sister-in-law in my mother-in-laws house. Not the best situation, but with familiar faces and safe until my wife, who is stronger than she gives herself credit for, can get her own place while working at her job. Unfortunately, I do not have that luxury. I do not have a body that can do the kind of work that I normally did which was cooking, though I do have the will. But, right now my dream of going back to school and getting my sociology degree so I can help others will have to wait until I can finally get to a point during all of this turmoil and repeated disappointment, that I finally win at least one little battle.
I have exhausted all means at my disposal to make contacts, network, and learn how each system works. From the housing system, and the public assistance system to local charities, and offering a barter deal by working in exchange for what I see as the three biggest needs in my life:
1. Safe and secure housing that I can afford on what little I get from the government for disability.
2. Reliable transportation so I can travel to my children and at least pick them up to stay with me for a few night a week to every day if possible in lieu of the location of my housing.
3. My children. This is something that no person can help me with and that my wife and I have already settled without the courts unnecessary interference

Does anyone recommend that I inquire about anti-anxiety abortives such as Xanax, etc...?

[healingme4me]

Welcome to PC. It's typically safer to just discuss symptoms you are experiencing with your psychiatrist than to request specific controlled substances.
Sounds like a major life upheaval.

[Fizzyo]

Hi sorry you have had to go through so much recently! I know you will find understanding and support here. The more active you are, the more likely it is that someone who understands will find you. I have had so much help and encouragement to find courage for the next day or, even sometimes, the next hour.

[Lika Li]

Hi spudzilla,

Welcome to this group, hope it helps you in some way!

[Fuzzybear]

[Fizzyo]

Hang on in there, be kind to yourself